"When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me ...." < via anand >

"Fear is a pain that never goes away."

-- G. Daniel Walker


Food for thought:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. This is a moral/ethical dilemma .. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

Perfect Answer:

Give the car keys to the old friend and let him take the old lady to the hospital. Now I wait behind and wait for the bus with the man of my dreams. hehe.

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How so?"

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression."

i really liked Miss Russia.

miss venezuela looked really good in the evening gown round. she reminded me of liz hurley.

miss russia's still my favorite.

a visit to the doctor went something like this:

doc: well.. haven't seen you in a while! wait. let me guess, unbearable pain and no more medications, eh?

me: whoa. you do have pyschic abilities. hehe. nah. i really missed you.. that's why i'm here. :-p

doc: uh huh.

me: well, check the right side of my body out and tell me what you see.

*the doctor checks away for a good 5 minutes.. knocking my knee, tapping my elbow, almost giving me a good massage.. and then*

doc: *in a calm tone* strained muscles with exaggerated spasms. tense and tender tendons. swelling in the knee. a bad nerve running from the doc.:neck all the way to your toes is causing this and more.

(actually he blabbered away a lot more in his own vocabulary.. but i was too dumb to catch any of it.. all i knew was i was burning up a storm.)

*and then comes the tornado*

doc: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? why the hell haven't you been coming for therapy? and why the hell haven't you taken your medications? oh doc.:holy crap!

*and then follows a few really pissed of looks.. of course directed at me.. with a few more expletives*

doc: woman. what must i do to make you understand that if you don't take care of this right now.. you're going to suffer for the rest of your life?

me: ok. yeah. so are you going to give me that prescription?

doc: why? so you can once more "lose" the prescription? so you can pretend you've been a good girl and taken the medications?

me: sorry. :( i really really need that.. and i understand its going to make me sleep for a good 16 hours!

doc: yeah. anyways, i'm going to call you everyday to check up on you. X-(

*writes out prescriptions while still grumbling away like a pms'ing lady*

doc: have you been eating right?

me: yes i have. 5 meals a day.. with scattered snacking. :-D and i love myself.

doc: no wonder you've put on a good 14 pounds. so, with these pills.. you're going to have to be on a good balanced diet.

me: is one cookie in each hand balanced enough?

doc: hahaha. gosh. try as hard as i might, i can't be mad at you for long. you're my worst patient.

me: i know it hehe.

here's a blog that i like.


This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its customer-care executive..

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

"This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of icecream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it.

It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly sounds: "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?"

The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood.He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start. The engineer returned for three more nights.

The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took
to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc. In a short time, he had a clue:
the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor. Now, the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time.

Once time became problem - not the vanilla ice cream, the engineer quickly came up with the answer: "Vapour lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still to hot for the vapour lock to dissipate!

Moral of the story: you tell me..

Aging black leather and hospital bills,
Tattoo removal and dozens of pills.
Your liver pays dearly now for youthful magic moments,
But rock on completely with some brand new components.
How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?

............................- Cake


After a romantic dinner, Josh gives Michelle a book he has made, entitled “The Story of Michelle and Josh.” The book is comprised of pictures — provided by her mother — of Michelle throughout her life. (You score points with the mother of the bride if she knows about the proposal in advance.) Under each picture, Josh has written about special moments in Michelle’s life. When she turns to the back of the book, she finds that the last section of the book isn’t pictures at all. Instead, Josh has cut a hole to hold a ring box. She opens it, puts it on, says yes, and the next chapter of their lives begins.


things have gone far enough. now they need to stand still for a while. i need to rest, regroup, rethink and definitely recover. progress needs to be evaluated and strategies modified accordingly. for a while now, its seems i've been hurtling along what seems to be a straight road. much has happened and much has changed. if this is all for the better, then i need to integrate it into the rest of my life. but it doesn't feel like its for the better.. so i need to recognize as much and make some clear choices.


foolmaker's menu

Today's Special

....an extremely angry femme served on a bowl of foul humor and wits topped with hot-tempered sauce *spicy* +
+Caution: please note that this dish is extremely spicy and not palatable by most people. foolmaker is not liable for any sort of allergy or extreme reactions.

the morning rudely awakens my soul my eyes have stories better left untold i sit quiet and patiently i wait i feel the cracks in the walls isn't he coming high pitch noises silence of the mimes he told me he would come back then i waited for mr. phillips to come and get his iguana i bought the tie i had no shirt to wear it with the crack on my lip yearns to be soothed thought i heard the sounds of snowflakes that used to be music to my ears one day i was singing and playing we were all singing and playing i will think i will sing and play one day i will walk out of my house and walk my ghost fish and people would still think i am weird weird i am i will but one day when people see i boil my soul in tea will i still be weird everybody boils their soul in grapejuice i will boil it in tea remembered you like tea remembered you liked someone i will be happy one day when you return will you be happy i think not the beauty of a lady so becometh you walk away the cat sings the rhyme you sit in front of me awkward did i dream you up did i dream it all no that can't be true how else would i know the taste of your lips how else would i still remember the feel of your soft crescents agains my rough fingers did i lose you i wake up read the newspaper scramble those eggs iron that shirt smooth that crease buy odwalla's that is all i live for neighbor's out is he looking for his lost soul and i still have time to be sad

you will notice how confused the quasar mind actually is

how many can we live with?
and without?
how often do we distort it?
especially to get attention.
how often do we tell our family/friends that we love them?
and we truly mean it.
people we hate might not be hate-worthy.
how often do we realize that?
do we truly understand what "sacrifice" means?
or do we mould the meaning to suit our own needs/ego?
how often do we blabber about everything, including ourselves without keeping in mind the people around us?
shouldn't we think and then talk?
how hard is it to not talk too much?
and feel the silence cleanse our mind and our soul.
don't we act indifferent to most people's needs/feelings?
and hurt them, in the bargain.
why do we seek it outside?
when it should actually come from within.
why do we hold others responsible for our sad state?
when we are responsible, to a great extent, for our state of being.
don't we blame others for the situations we land ourselves in?
when, more oft than not, we put ourselves in such situations.
how often do we seek gratitude for the small things we do?
when we don't even acknowldge the helping hand(s) that come to our rescue ever so often.
how often do we set aside time for ourselves?
and do we give others the space they deserve and need?
do we give due respect to ourselves?
and to others?
see lies, truth, love, hate, sacrifice, blabber, silence, indifference, happiness, sadness, situations, gratitude, privacy, respect
and add all your personal views/experiences/thoughts.

aren't we considered the most complex creatures on earth?
and yet we are eternallly confused, living in complete chaos.

a smile on the lips
oft clouds the wounds

"... to be or not to be.."

Shakespeare's soliloquy debates the way that life can sometimes seem so painful as to be pointless. none of us lead lives that are completely free of doubt, difficulty and sometimes, even despair.. is that why we so keenly distract ourselves with dumb jokes, inane conversations, petty complaints?

air and water are the most plentiful resources on our planet. air is (almost) everywhere. it disappears though, up on high mountains and down in deep caves. there's water all around us too - unless we happen to be in a desert. what then, can we absolutely always find, no matter where we go in this world?

that's easy.

we can find reasons.
reasons to worry, reasons to feel afraid
most abundant of all, reasons to argue with one another.
what are all these "reasons" worth?
Not a drop of water nor one breath of air.

i dont think there is anything wrong with the situation i face or with the environment i find myself in. if there appears to be an error, a mistake or a regrettable development, it can be arising for only one reason - so that i can identify the problem and then later on, fix it.
it is so hard to resist the urge to question my own judgement or to feel unhappy about what life is putting your through.

but i do feel now that i am in the right place at exactly the right time.

i went and washed my car

that is relaxing

but i can be obsessive

compulsive obsessive

now that can't be good

or relaxing

or anything

anything relevant that is

but then, who cares?

do you?

dont know.

i will never know


will never know


i am just here


not always

just sometimes

off and on

mostly off

sometimes on

but then, who cares?

do you?

dont know

never knew.

may not care now.




i have one thing in common with people the whole world over - a fascination with explanation. an insatiable appetite for information. i want to know everything - and i will not rest until my quest for knowledge is complete. or will i? oddly enough, perhaps as a "shut off valve" to stop that restlessness from ruining my life, i have found a way to close my mind and refuse to interest in certain topics. which is fine - apart from when this stops me from learning what i sorely need to learn.


its been a while since i posted. just when i thought i'm done with exams, i was surprised with an email from a professor wanting me to take a re-exam this coming friday. talk about shitty luck.

T.A. used to stand for teaching assistant, now, for terribly articulated.


ok. so i got done with exams at 11:30pm on tuesday night. and now i suffer from

study hangover

will post more after i've completely recovered ;)

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.


here's the kind of spam i get:







damn i wish i had gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. :-p


From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were
asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."...

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which
is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants
to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -- Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to
accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
letting just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.
That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine
if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the
biggest number you could come up with! -- Age 6

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set
aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll
have a couple of days saved up. -- Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my
teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
-- Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an
accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed
it, the blood would be right there. -- Age 5

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize
world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would
be until the looting started. -- Age 15


I thought love was just a mirage of the mind, it's an illusion, it's fake, impossible to find. But the day I met you, I began to see, that love is real, and exists in me. and... I hope that one day you'll come to realize, how perfect you are when seen through my eyes.



Ireland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon outside Limerick. Local search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to be climbing as digging continues into the evening.

it has been necessary, for some time now, to travel with my seatbelt securely fastened. (i almost sound like an airhostess). i've been going through a bumpy patch. turbulence is shaking my life. potholes keep appearing beneath my wheels. even though i'm certain i'm moving, this has come at the expense of my ability to relax and live life.

i'm stressed out.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

--Quentin Crisp

I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. Please, I'll only put it in for a minute. What am I, a microwave?

-- Beverly Mickins

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.

-- Sanskrit proverb


i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
i'm running and not quite sure where to go
and i don't know what i'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

-- h

when this moon is full..
it does shine the spotlight on my soul.

my soul puts up a performance i've never seen before.

the spring in it's gait
the laughter i can hear
the genuine joy i feel

my soul does give a beautiful performance
when the moon is full...

can you feel the moonbeams?

sometimes understanding comes to us suddenly. one moment, we're scratching our heads and blinking in bewilderment at a baffling proposition. the next, a little light bulb goes on in the back of our brain. eureka! and all is clear to us. most often though, our journey towards 'enlightenment' is slow. we follow a winding road towards revelation. sometimes, the bends on the road to wisdom are so sharp that they cause us to double back on ourselves.. giving us a false impression of lack of progress. we start to figure out that we're really getting nowhere just when we're on the threshold of discovering that we have gone somewhere quite spectacular!

"A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."

which one are you?


in ancient tribes, there was always a central figure of wisdom. a medicine man.. an earth mother. this village elder was the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong. their pronouncements were sacred and incontrovertible. here in the modern world, we trust nobody. priests, politicians, police officers – all no longer represent the voice of unimpeachable authority. yet still, we need someone we can turn to for guidance..

and who would this person be?

the problem is not the chain around my angle and the way in which it is attached to the winding machine. nor is it the chain around my wrist that is pulling me in the opposite direction. i know how to cope with being stretched and feeling torn. the difficulty is the rope around my waist, attached to the leg of a bull, which is charging away at a right angle to the torture table. i feel i'm up against more than i can possibly cope with. but then that's again just how i feel. in reality, i have no choice but to cope and prepare for the next torture table.

eh. big deal.

how can i make sure that i am in the right place at the right time?

i just make sure that my heart is in the right place.. everything else will follow suit.


a friend once said:

you do not seek power.. because you do not need to. power finds its way to you.

now i wonder how true is it. i don't really want the gross kind of power that many people associate this world with.. but the far subtle and effective sort that can easily pass unnoticed by the untrained eye. i'm not interested in ruling the world, for i know this is simply an impossibility. this world is far too big to rule and those who imagine otherwise are deluded. i do desire control.. but i guess i'm smart enough to realise that the only way to achieve power over the macrocosm is to become an expert at manipulating the microcosm. it is from this that my fascination with detail stems. detail, though, only interests me because it represents a route to power. i am only interested in the practical. but looks like i'm being swamped with realistic routes to power.

aarrgghh. reality bites hard in the ass!

Kids Say The Funniest Things...

Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

1. The future of "I give" is "I take."
2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
4. A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
5. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
6. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
7. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
8. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
9. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
10. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
11. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
12. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
13. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

I wonder if they all still live in Utah?


i don't think i ever set out to make mistakes. all i want ever want is to do the right thing, the right way at the right time. and i think that's true for most people. are we under so much pressure to perform that we dare not allow ourselves a chance to experiment? i have noticed that these days i do what i feel is safe.. or what i think is least likely to get me into trouble. i've begun putting reputation before initiative. i try too hard. but no more. i accept i cannot achieve perfection and i relax. and i let my instincts help me compensate for factors i cannot change.

and i'm a happier woman.

arjun, as per your request: gravedance revisited.


in the cemetery
white as a ghost
i feel the may heat
though buried to my soul.

sheets of rain
and then it pours
wash away the dirt
from fresh mounds.

bones unveiled
some flesh too
the rain glued wings
and then the soul flew.

the thunderous clouds
do make a beautiful gray
they did bid me adieu
as they made way

for those rays of sunshine
that sweep the cemetery
and purge the souls
to set them free.

i wait patiently
with arms open wide
and i look around
quite surprised
i find not an ounce of shade
nor a tree in sight.

why is there no rain on me?
i wish to bathe in its holiness.
no rays of sunshine do i see
and i want to ask for forgiveness.

and i do want my soul set free.

and i've been gone for long
so why does no tombstone exist?
i shiver and shudder and realize
for i don't exist.

i feel like i need to do something brilliant. i need to be agile and inventive. i need to be intelligent, alert, and wise. i need to carefully pick my moment and then do something exceedingly apposite. something clever, something breathtakingly simple, yet effective. and i am more than capable. i am almost destined to perform the minor miracle i am summoning up the strength for. i prepare to strive forward bravely, tackle adversity on the head and do magnificently well.

i prepare to make me some sunny-side-up eggs without burning/breaking the yolk/throwing them down the disposal.

love, people say, is an elusive butterfly. so too is a reliably lucrative stock market portfolio. it seems to be getting harder for me to know what, or who, i can bank on.

bad. rant. i. miss. you.

q: what do you get when freak a.k.a foolmaker gets tipsy?
a: rant.

freak: but i've been thinking a lot about life.. and how we strive to achieve happines.. and then i started thinking about happiness.. what it actually means to me. and the conclusion was very very shocking for me
rako: maybe we oughta get married or something.
rako: what was the conclusion ?
freak: i think i told you this earlier.. but happiness (to me) is nothing but a bland waxy state of being.. and we really want to be in because of peer pressure of a certain sort. every one in this world strives to be happy... and its kind of instilled into us that its important to have that ever glowing smile.. and that semblance of happiness in our lives. which is bullshit. i'm not trying to be pessimistic.. i'm just trying to understand why we really strive to achieve happiness.. and why we feel like losers when we're content .. but not "happy".
rako: what is your definition of happiness?
freak: my definition of happiness.. well how can i define something that is nothing but a mirage?

Note: names changed to protect identity.