i just noticed that i haven't had a drop of water since sunday!

coke and coffee are definitely on my drinks list. i need to change that.

i'm sitting in a honda dealership
looking out of the window
across the street
longingly at the subaru sti

woe is me.

update: no. i'm not buying a honda.

me: why do i find it hard to make progress?

he: partially cuz you're such a fuckin helpful character. when others come to you with a prob, you'll want to drop whatever it is that you're doing and help.

me: c'mon dude.. i've been helped by people too. and now its pay-it-forward time.

he: its fine to help people.. but when you're concentrating on something crucial, you've got to be disciplined. if you can't extricate yourself from an involvement in somebody else's business, atleast limit the extent to which you get sucked in.

me: :(

he: if you give time to what's on your own agenda, you'll get somewhere with it. *hug*

up, up and away..

taxi fares in new york.

what gives you the right to make a judgement?
what makes you feel so sure about something?
are you full of false confidence?
are you hiding a sea of seething uncertainty beneath a crust of arrogant assertions?
or do you just really know what you are talking about?

my world is full of politicians. it's also full of problems.

perhaps the two things are connected?

March 27, 2004

A Smart Mob reader translated this report from the Norwegian Telegram Bureau (Thanks Richard!)

In Norway, all teenagers between 16 and 19 years of age have a cell phone.

When teens say that "everyone has a cell phone" it's no joke. According to a new study, 100% of all 16 to 19 year olds who were surveyed, replied that they have their own cell telephone. This compares to the rest of the population where 86% have a mobile telephone. Norwegians send an average of 2,8 private text messages per day, but young women between 16 and 24 are the most active: They send over 8 text messages per day on average.
The questionnaire was developed and sent out by the national statistical office in Norway (Statistics Norway) in cooperation with Telenor. Statistics Norway is no fly by night organization. They are perhaps the best group in Norway for analyzing random samples of individuals. Thus, the results are reliable. Basically the report says that they could not find a 16 to 19 year old in Norway who didn't own a mobile phone.

read more..

every time i try to catch my confidence, i find myself fishing in a seemingly empty pool.

or worse, i cast my line and sense a bite. but i end up just reeling in a rusty tin can of an old disappointment or the abandoned boot of nervous fear.

and right now, i simply can't afford to be despondent, gloomy or even angry.

physical strength can get me so far. emotional strength is useful, up to a point. financial strength is handy, but even this can't protect me from all trouble.

what i need is spiritual strength. it never fails, regardless of what the world sends my way.

i need to summon the right kind of inner trust, certainty and humility.

i need faith.

what's on my ipod:

• 1947 earth
  
• 50 cent
  
• abba
  
• aenima
  
• aliyah
  
• amerie
  
• antique - opa opa
  
• a r rehman remixes
  
• at the drive in
  
• beyonce
  
• bombay dreams
  
• bryan adams
  
• casually dressed and deep in coversation (funeral for a friend)
  
• colonial cousins
  
• creed
  
• daud
  
• destiny's child
  
• dr. dre
  
• eminem
  
• for never and ever
  
• garbage
  
• grade 8
  
• grammy nominees
  
• jay z
  
• kal ho na ho
  
• lakeer
  
• limp bizkit
  
• main hoon na
  
• meenaxi
  
• mer de noms
  
• missy elliot
  
• mpkdh
  
• norah jones
  
• notorious b i g
  
• outkast
  
• piya basanti
  
• porcupine tree (in absentia)
  
• public enemy
  
• radiohead
  
• rubberband man
  
• saathiya
  
• smashing pumpkins
  
• sound of music
  
• the push kings
  
• third eye blind
  
• tum bin
  
• twista
  
• wu tang clan
  
• yumm
  

phew! that's a long list. and so much more to add..

Maaco for your electronics:

new ipods with paint jobs

i'm getting the ferrari one.

heh.

here's an artist that i really like.

he's created some cute statues at the 14th street A/C/E subway station..

q: what lies at the end of my road?

a: another road.

q: what lies at the end of my tether?

a: another test of my patience!

though i don't like to feel bored, or find myself living through a series of all too predictable dramas, i really don't want to spend my whole life hopping from crisis to crisis.

know what i mean?

my tongue just discovered spicy mustard.

he: you have a secret admirer..

me: who is it?

he: i can't tell you. its a secret!

me: c'mon. don't be such a prick.

he: nah. anyways, you don't need to know. all you need to be aware of is just that certain people wish you well.

me: *bawling* i wanna curl up and die.

here's an interesting article:

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) — Gov. Bob Wise sent a letter to Abercrombie & Fitch on Monday demanding that the clothing retailer stop selling a T-shirt that spoofs the state with the slogan, "It's All Relative in West Virginia."
Wise said the T-shirt depicts "an unfounded, negative stereotype" of the state.

read more..

to err is human, to forgive is divine.

or so they say.

but to keep on erring, just because you know you'll always be forgiven, that's just plain imbecilic.

i've seen that sometimes people support each other's faults and foibles. they just accept what they should reject. they allow themselves to be lied to; taken advantage of. and then they wonder why they don't feel so good!

i see an unhealthy interdependency in my world too. and to fix it, i'll need to be honest, assertive and brave.

$13.5 million to a great cause!

thanks paul allen.

here's something very interesting:

http://www.fundrace.org

make sure to look at the new york city map..

via phenyle:

Lesson for the day

" Do NOT use a nailcutter to cut ur nostril hair !"

-----

he's hilarious!

read somewhere:

Windows is not a virus. Viruses do something

he: if you insist on playing with fire, you had better at least get a pair of heat-resistant gloves.

fried food!

a perfect remedy for a hangover.

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
in our eyes are mirror images and when
we kiss they're perfectly aligned
and I have to speculate that God himself
did make us into corresponding shapes like
puzzle pieces from the clay
true, it may seem like a stretch, but
its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
head when you're away when I am missing you to death
when you are out there on the road for
several weeks of shows and when you scan
the radio, I hope this song will guide you home

they won't see us waving from such great
heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
machine but the persistent beat it sounded
thin upon listening
that frankly will not fly. you will hear
the shrillest highs and lowest lows with
the windows down when this is guiding you home

song: such great heights
album: give up
artist: postal service

its been in repeat mode on my ipod for the past two days.

auditions for the apprentice are being conducted near my office.

maybe i should go try out.

hehe

people who behave as if they know it all are usually the people who know the least and who fear that they have the most to lose.

the more they refuse to acknowledge the limit of their own ability or experience, the more tense and defensive they become. and instinctively, they can sense the imminence of an encounter with harsh reality.

as for those of us who meet reality on a daily basis, there's much less to be afraid of...

my pride is a dispensable commodity.
my intelligence is not.

imagination plays tricks on me.

i see, out of the corner of my eye, things that would never become visible if i were to fix them with my full gaze. i project, inadvertently, my hopes on to people and situations that have roughly the right shape or form. i proclaim to be living in the real world while continuing to dwell in the land of pretend.

i'm hammered.

there's always someone worse off than i am.

that's just as well really, for it means there is always a way to keep anxiety at bay.

nobody should ever drink and drive..

.. or fall in love and try to think rationally.

this above all: to thine own self be true.

--hamlet.

umbrage is free.

take as much as you like.

to some extent, i have a choice over what i allow to become symbolic in my life.

i don't have to read a great deal into every setback or become wildly over-confident because some minor activity worked out well. but i'd be silly if i were to ignore 'the writing on the wall'.

some events in my life do have a message for me.

some seemingly small clues have great significance.

i'm a creature of instinct.

and i am proud of this. but there are times i feel slightly ashamed of my impulsive nature. i see the mistakes it has caused and i suppose i should be more restrained.

if i attain this level of caution, i'll be leading a dull life. and, for me, existence without adventure isn't up to much.

i'll let myself feel what i feel and act likewise. i know i may be in risky territory.. just as long as i'm not in danger.

and i know i won't be... unless i start supressing my true character.

its hard to get far, these days, without taking orders from one electronic device or another.

cash machines, answering machines, computers and now even washing machines...

all fucking insist i do things in a certain sequence or they won't co-operate.

arrgh!

i march with my head held high, even if my hopes are not quite as buoyant as they used to be.

and i've definitely not swapped optimism for pessimism..

merely idle fancy for purposeful realism.

theory and practice are two very different things.

sometimes, there's simply no substitute for experience.

ladies, its your day.

you may think you're ordinary, but you're makers of history.

so celebrate!

here's something for s..

why do obstacles exist?
so you can get over them.

why do you have problems?
so you can solve them.

often, its easy to forget this. and you can end up believing that life is all about struggle and strife.

now that's an illusion!

trust me when i say that there's nothing so broken that it can't be fixed. nothing so permanent that it can't ever be changed. don't honour your troubles with more attention than they deserve.

a: people say that you become like the company you keep.

me: that's true to a certain extent. we either have to accept and take on board the values of those around us or risk a sense of alienation. and this is ok, provided those values are healthy for us to have.

a: but what happens when you're under some subtle social pressure to compromise? should you alter your needs if you want to feel accepted?

me: hmm.. maybe instead of bowing to this, you should seek the company of those more naturally in sympathy with your most precious aims and ideals..

i really don't know.

i watched amélie for the first time today.

somehow reminded me of me. all i'm waiting for now is for the ending of the movie..

i saw a very gorgeous man today.

finger salad?

theories are ten a penny. explanations cost next to nothing.

my world is full of people who think they know what's going on and what we all ought to be doing in order to make things better.

the great irony?

it probably would actually become a much improved place if only it contained a few less individuals with immutable opinions.

historical oddity:

tracing both of its origins, the screwdriver was invented before the screw.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

--ABBA

That which does not destroy us makes us stronger.

if what people say is true, then surely s must possess superhuman strength. even as i type this out, he's wrestling with yet another challenge to his strength and self-esteem. despite all that he's survived so far, even all the adversity he's managed to turn to triumph, he still wonders if he can cope with his complications. all i have to say to him is, " waste no time on false fear".

he's spiderman. and nothing can get the better of him!

as i grow, i seem to get even more enamoured by a certain kind of sensuality i evoke in my mind.
it's like having 'demolition man' style sex.
it's all in the mind.
thats just about the most shocking thing - your mind's in control.

accept it.

she: how do you keep monsters at bay?

me: just avoid the cracks between paving stones.

i can't seem able to stop thinking about a particular person. is there something of a love/hate relationship going on somewhere? i wonder if there's tension that needs to be resolved? resentment that ought to be overcome?

sigh. long night.

he: *yelling* why can't you be more like other girls? why must you be so determinedly, defiantly different?

me: i am who i am. and i'm honest. so why should i pretend to be something i'm not?

people who think lucky thoughts tend to be lucky.

most people are like engines with several gears.

they can adjust the pace of their lives according to prevailing conditions.

but i, sometimes, have only two modes: full ahead and high-speed reverse. and now, having driven into something of a cul-de-sac, i'm in the process of backing out.

and then you worry why i'm so crazy.. ha!