one of the beautiful californian sunsets - i adore and miss so much. i was seriously thinking the other day - if i would actually be able to move house out to the silicon valley. tough decision. especially since i subconciously got so attached to gotham city. i might not be as familiar with every nook and cranny, but i still feel a certain one-ness. i've never acted tourist-y (not that there's anything wrong with it).. i never acted.. cuz i never felt it. i always felt as if i belonged there.. the connection feels natural. and then there are alleys that just feel extra-familiar - as if i've been there before.. and i've wandered through those back-of-beyond streets.. where darkness greets you.. and weird sounds play as you enter.. just something familiar about that stray cat in the trash.. and that old lady keeping herself warm..
something vaguely, oddly familiar.

will i be able to adapt to the openness, the brightness that welcomes me in the valley?

feels like 24 hours is not enough.

its never enough.

nothing is.


oh my sweet life!!!!

what the hell is this:

Virgo --
Freedom is a funny thing. Rather like a roasted coffee bean, it smells better than it tastes. There is a sense now, in which you are getting a bitter sensation from something that seems full of sweet promise. Maybe that's because you are trying too hard to be practical. Maybe you don't need to 'use' your freedom. Maybe it is enough to know that you have it. Or maybe it is not freedom that's at issue for you so much as 'control'. A process has a life of its own. You can't stop it... nor, despite your desire to, do you need to.

oh well. there are some things better left unexplained.
and maybe i prefer it that way.

girl # 1: dont you get real fucking mad when you have to go visit some stupid asshole family friends of yours?

girl # 2: huh?

me: double huh?

girl # 1: i hate those fucking people. and my parents force me to visit them and be nice and smile and act like i really really missed them.

me: why dont you just tell your parents that you dont want to meet them. as simple.

girl # 1: not really. because supposedly these people have been there when our family needed someone. (fucking bastards)

girl # 2: why the spite? why don't you like them? if they've helped so much.. they must have some good in them.

girl # 1: they do all that because they fucking should do it. after what they've done to me, they better serve my family for the rest of their fucking disgusting lives.

*tears roll down those soft cheeks*

me: uh oh. are you ok? what's wrong?

girl # 1: the asshole guy who's almost my dad's age.. that fucking bastard sexually abused me for years. and told me that if i'd ever tell anyone, he'd fucking kill my family.
and i, the stupid kid i was, actually believed him. and now i have no courage to tell my family.

girl # 2: i'm sorry to hear that. what you just said matches my lifestory too.

me: wtf?!

girl # 2: yes. we always look for enemies in strangers.. but its the people who're supposedly close to us who actually take advantage of the lifelong friendship.

me: sigh. it just hurts to see this and not be able to do anything.


there must be some way of saving our young ones from such disgusting predators.

there must be some way.

i will not be celebrating my birthday this year.

i must be growing up too...


bouncing off of a wormhole wall..
waiting it would end..
I prick my ears to hear the call..
ordaining my life's end.

my heart thuds.. my chest hurts..
veins thread apart.. fresh blood squirts.

my limbs are numb.. I feel no pain..
oh wait! I feel something.. it's very faint..

and when I realize..
it's too late..
I'm at the threshold ..
and that's my fate.

thank you, mw.
i had a wonderful evening.

the last time i was there
i was falling in love
but this time
i was falling apart.

there's nothing i can do
a total eclipse of the heart.



work on those moves..
build up some attitude..


< save that last dance >

for me.

to understand why people die, we first have to understand why they live..

more on this tomorrow..

and now i slap me silly till me goes to sleep


*ok ok.. too many spiderman comics can do that to you.. haaarrrrrrrrrr*

stupidity is my biggest turnoff!

did i mention this earlier?

but it DOES turn me off.

my middle name is HYPER




Foolmaker, your true color is Black!

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

Foolmaker, your celebrity look is the Mysterious Look!

Who can say what goes on behind that Mysterious Look? No one for sure, because you love to keep them guessing. Your secretive ways are as intriguing as your exotic beauty. Maybe it's your deep, dreamy eyes, or maybe it's that elusive smile that hides something more. As a nonconformist by nature, you tend to fuse different fashions into unique combinations that express the real you—marrying the vintage with the modern or the classic with the eclectic. Like your celebrity counterparts, Winona Ryder and Juliette Binoche, you're always open to intelligent discussion and experimental jewelry and makeup. By playing up your intense features with deep lipsticks and an alluring eye shadow, you're both captivating and unpredictable.

what time is it?


and i'm still awake.
it can get tough for us insomniacs.
yes, i've joined them too.

too many things on my mind.
too many things to accomplish.
too little time for life.

as time passes by
it drains me of all my energy
and i feel life being sucked out of me
moment by moment.
is it worth living this way?

and life seems to be endless.. ha!

and all that vitality has disappeared.
with togetherness should come marked improvement
in life
an influx of smiles, giggles, joy, love
is usually seen.
but not in my case.
now, isn't that weird?

that youthful enthusiasm is lost.
lost in the realms of dirt and dust

and those dreams
i thought they would bloom
with some companionship and loving and caring
those dreams have been burned.
forever lost.

and me?
i still look yonder
with no emotion in my eyes
no feeling in my heart
and no yearning in my soul.


who saw that GARY CONDIT interview last night??

i didn't.
because i pretty much knew how it would go:

Connie: Do you know where Chandra Levy is?

Gary: Yes.

Connie: WHOA! *eyes wide open, she looks at cameramen, cops, security and hesitates as she asks*
............are you Chandra Levy's killer?

(yeah right!)

Gary: *with a distant look in his eyes* Yes.

Connie: WHOA! No murder weapon found though..

Gary: Oh yeah. about that.. you'll find it in my pants..
.........i screwed her well


what the hell were those million people expecting to hear from Condit?
that he killed her and burnt her body to ashes.. and then washed those ashes down his throat with some beer?

watch something more important.. something intelligent.. something worthwhile..

god! people are such suckers for stories of sex, lies and murder.



why haven't i been updating the blog?

cuz i'm hibernating.

a few more centuries.. and i'll be fresh as spring!


so what have i eaten till now?

this indian thing called dosa
its some sort of crepe made from rice dough and lentils (i think)
served with a lentil soup.. and this curry made from potatoes, onions and green peas.

then i ate a small pack of cookies.

went to play some pool.
washed down a couple of games with some corona

came home
nibbled on various snacks

then got bored.
then filled a big bowl with rice and curry

gobbled it all up.

wasn't satisfied.

went back to get a big bowl of frosted flakes.

all in a matter of 4 hours!

so basically, the point is, i'm going to look like the big fat balloon tomorrow morning.

just don't deflate me ok ;-)


i drown

my sorrows
and frustrations
and anger

in food.

does that surprise you?


Virgo (Aug 24 - Sep 23)
Wednesday, 22nd August 2001

Life has been stressful lately - but it has brought you inspiration too. The sky is now challenging you to give a vague idea some shape and substance. Dare you assert a little authority? Can you invite others to trust your judgement, to follow your lead or to carry out your plan? Ought you to be proposing something safer and more 'sensible'? Answer these questions yourself but keep in mind that, like it or not, you are strong, you have a unique contribution to make and your personal vision, right now, has genuine merit.

that did wonders for my soul :)

now i need some real inspiration!


ok so i saw this vampire movie

mom's got a date with a vampire

a disney movie.. but still a vampire one..

did i ever mention i love vampires...

what say - i might be one too

what with my charm(!) and blah blah ;-)


so i know this girl
and she comes accross as a really sweet and smart girl

and i can see right through her facade.
why cant others?

her smile is as genuine as jungle book's Kha tricking you ito become dinner.
why can't you see it?

she isn't genuine.
she's a master at deception.
why can't you see it?

and no.
i'm not saying this because i'm jealous or whatever.

i'm saying this because i dont want you to get hurt.
and i'm saying this because you deserve much better.

well, i know its none of my business.
but hey
these were my two cents.


all he said was one word

and that changed my life.

what's that one word? you ask

something that we hear very often -



i'm so disoriented
i dont know what to write

have you heard of anyone getting hurt while playing pool?
i did.
i skinned my index finger and badly bruised the knuckle of the index finger.

now that's interesting.

a whole lot of blood.
and yes a lot of flesh too.

both, the dermis and the epidermis, were pulled out.

leaving some nice and pink flesh to be viewed
(reminded me of sushi)

have nothing interesting to say.


ok. so i'm officially dead.

should i be stressing out?

its 3:31am

what do i need?


i always tell mw.. its all psychological.

is it really tho?

had a 6 1/2 hour crash course in calc
my professor was nice enough and patient enough with my dumb head!

got home at 1am

could barely drive.
that fever.
its going to kill me.

tomorrow is the d-day.
i'll be at the pearly gates
and my dumb ass will be whooped to hell.

see you around.


oh great!

first the eyes, then the throat
and now a fucking fever!

that's all i needed.

You were born to face challenges, and each day you have become
more skilled at doing so. Take on those challenges that will compel
and propel you to your own special greatness.

yeah right!


Thursday, 16th August 2001

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sep 23)

If you are not sure whether to laugh or cry, do neither. Try looking at the world (and your particular corner of it) in the same open minded, innocent way that a young child might. Don't categorise everything as 'good' or 'bad'. Don't pre-judge the outcome of the drama that's being played out. Don't attempt to understand what's going on. Just trust that something, somewhere has your best interests at heart. Neptune suggests your view of a particular matter is coloured and clouded. Ignore your opinions. Allow yourself an open mind.

yeah yeah. whatever!

first it was the eyes..

and now my throat hurts.

one by one - all my body parts are shutting down.

but they can't!!!!

i have one final to go!

my eyes - the pain is unbearable.

my eyes are hurting real bad.

life sucks.
and it definitely sucks to be me.

and i am tired
and i am weepy
and i've zoned out

and i think
my mind is so exhausted
it cant seem to retain anything.

i don't even realize if i'm hungry or not.


4 exams
4 days
4 near-death experiences

am i ready for it?



trying to forget
/\/\/\/\/\/ is a constant reminder.

h a p p y b i r t h d a y, M W .

i will definitely miss you when this semester ends.


how ironic is it..
ironic and common..
we slave away a good portion of our lives..
trying to find that one single person whom we could shower with all our "true love"..
and it turns out that you dont end up with that person..
(even if that person may want you)..
how ironic and common..

these days
and all these long long nights

i know how i get through..

and does he?

maybe not

then there's that ray of hope i feel

then again there's nothing but a false alarm i'm blinded by

tears well up in my eyes
on the verge of flowing
and i gulp them down

i don't want to give up..


as the spring flowers started to bloom
and my heart was filled with newfound dreams

he cast me away.

and this time doesn't disappear.
its right there.
reminding me of cruel reality.

and this year
pierces my distant broken heart
with words.
mere words
of consolation.

do you remember
what your eyes held?
my heart through my eyes.

i remember that
so amazed.
so curious.

i am pinch-ingly present
in that former world

what am i left with?
a distance personified by forever

but this time will not disappear.

and it will make me take a ghost to bed
every single night.

the first night we met i trusted you with my instinct

last night i trusted you beyond question.

isn't that what you said?

do i love you?

and without limits/boundaries/ends.

i have not learned to love in any other way.
it seems.

is that what you call a mistake?
to love you?

then maybe it is a mistake
and maybe i need
to learn to love in a more limited way.

but that would be going against my soul/heart\
and i wont do that.

so i will continue loving you
in the way i always have

a quiet, subtle love.

i really like the advice my horoscope gives me for the coming week. i really really do.

VIRGO (Aug 24 - Sep 23)
Sense? You want the world to make more sense? You may as well wish for a cow that recites Shakespeare or a tree that can dance. Cows deliver milk, not messages. Trees blossom but they just don't boogie. There are some things in this universe that it is just not reasonable to expect - and, ironically enough, a reasonable universe is one of those things! The best you can hope for is a life that makes some sense, in some ways. Accept this philosophically - and then relax. What's happening this week is pretty crazy... but it's by no means bad. And actually, once you stop looking for order - or for coherence - or for efficiency - or for clarity, you will rather like what you encounter.


my mind wanders away from his words
to his lips
his gaze

i look at him
and feel myself drifting
drifting into a storm
i feel it deep down
spiraling towards the center
*of my universe*

and i feel the fire these days
and someone might get burned
but that's not my intent
the fire spreads to my bone
the crackle
the tingle

i feel the desire
go away
i can get rude
desire is definitely a very inclusive expression
hardly rude

standing in the cold wet wrap
the fire sizzles
fighting till its last flame
not wanting to die out
and it succeeds

as it engulfs my being

the saga starts all over again

the thudding of the blood
that rushes in
and demands something deep within
a muscle twitch

sometimes it truly is the clash i want
ramrod hard desire

ha. i jest.
vicarious experiences.

Food is a good thing. Good food is an indescribably wonderful thing.
..................................................................... -- MW.

i agree :)

i love food.
you should see the smile on my face
when i see something good on my plate.

i talk about it
i want some
right now

so a lot of people asked me if i did manage to sleep last night.

i dont know if i fell asleep from exhaustion
i just fell unconscious from all that thwip-thwapping-pachaking!

and now i have a long night ahead of me.
have a quiz tomorrow that i must revise for.

i was in an extremely good mood all this while..

i came home.
to a blazing furnace.
its so hot.
i wish you'd have the smallest inkling.
its HOT.
the ventilation's not good enough
because we can't leave the door to the apartment
as that fucking bitch next door has a problem with us leaving our door open for ventilation

if i die of this heat
i'm going to sue her ass to memphis.
i'll come back as a ghost
and fucking make her pee in her undie.

and now
locked up in my room
(which is hotter than the living room)
am trying to find
the radius and interval of convergence of
the sum, from 1 to infinity, of (x^n)/[(ln n)^n]

<----15 minutes later---->

the heat is really getting to me now
i can't take this anymore.
i cant sleep
neither can i study
wtf am i supposed to do?
i'm perspired gallons of water
now i perspire red
omening the blackouts that lie ahead

its so freakin' hot
i could pass out a million times
and with all this stress
i'm going to pass out now


the summer heat baked the whole of me.

and now i'm like this zombie.

i can't sleep!

i'm going to slap me silly till me goes to sleep


g'nite world.

the foolmaker is tired.


oh oh oh

i forgot to mention

it was 108 degrees farenheit

umm that's about 42 degrees celsius.


what's with this friggin heat wave?

as if there's not enough mess in life.

i was in the physics library.. trying to get some calc done.. and its HOT out there..
so i decide to go get a cool cool smoothie.

i'm walking towards the student center - and i see this girl.
i recognize her from one of my classes.

she's swaying from side to side.
she, most definitely, couldn't be drunk at this part of the afternoon.

i look down for a second.
and when i look back up -
she's fallen down.
plonk in the middle of the parking lot.

i rush to her side
and realize that she had a black out!


what the hell am i supposed to do?

should i carry her into the shade?
she looks kinda heavy.

and not a single person in sight.

and i cant leave her there and get help
cuz the tarmac's so HOT
she'd burn.

i pray
and i carry her
(it took all my strength)

the shade was 5 steps away
(yeah i counted)

i had my cold dasani with me.
sprinkled some on her face
tried to put some in her mouth

she wakes up
all dizzy
and incomprehensible

she drinks some water
she just jumps up on her feet
and thanks me.

no shit. you're welcome girl.
then she says she's going to drive home!


would i let her do that?
i yell at her.
ordering her to go to the school health center

she's not going.
so i ask her where she lives

two exits from my house
(about 45 mins)

so i tell her
if you wanna go home this desperately
i'll take you.

and i do.

we reach there.
she slept the whole way.
(maybe she blacked out again)

her gramma thanks me

i hate that thanking part
so i get out of there asap

and i decide
since i'm so close to home
i'll go home for a couple of hours

its 3 pm
under near-perfect conditions
i would've reached in 15 mins

but no!
the traffic on the shorter route
had to be jammed!

51 fucking mins later
i reach home

just to realize that i have to leave in 20 mins
for a class that starts at 6
and ends at 10.

console me..

so now i'm officially fucked.
and i'm officially stressing.

that doesn't help.


i go make myself some tea now

1. put cold cold water in kettle
2. wait till it boils
3. fill 1/4th of the mugga with hot water
4. wait 1 minute
5. throw out said water, now the mugga is hot
6. select tea, fill tea-ball with leaves (earl grey mixed with rare Sikkim for
7. put tea ball in mugga
8. pour boiling water
9. steep for 3 minutes
10. add 1 teaspoon of sugar
11. add 1/2 teaspoon of milk
12. enjoy

thats my 12-step program.

wanna join?

I want to drive to a dead barn.... a place
where everyone ceases to exist... I want to sit on the barn roof.. watch the
sunset... feel each and every tear rolling down... feel the hint of a smile
at a random thought... laugh my heart out at a stupid joke... and fade
into the darkness

me:you're real funny (or you could be real pissed too!):-)

he: nope. not pissed silly

...as I lay in bed... all tired and aching.. from the long day, I feel this
...certain excitement... and yet I'm scared.. scared to wake up to a new
a morning that might be my last.

...the thought chases me like a hawk... preying.. gliding... looking... (and
...just when I feel I'm safe).. sweeping down upon me... it end's there.

...the thought's massaging... calming my nerves down..
...and yet I feel my heart
...so hard that it's going to burst open my chest...
...the thought
...still caresses my soul and then, strikes at the most opportune time...
...it let me feels the pain - each nerve being strangled.

...I feel the passing time performing sepuku on me... I feel I have to die
...for honor...
...not my own...
...I have to die for nobility?!
...I don't understand...
...but I do...
...and yes the time is stretched...
...I can count the time in between each
...heartbeat... I can feel it coming.. taking me.. my soul.. my honor... my

...I have to go.

VIRGO (Aug 24 - Sep 23)

Today's Moon in your opposite sign of Pisces is a great time for thinking, drinking and daydreaming, but you may be feeling rather under the weather. Some days you find it harder to get started than others and this will be one of the days when you definitely need an extra cup of tea in the morning. Sandwiched as you are between Pluto and Saturn isn't an easy place to be astrologically, so you may find relaxing days hard to come by. Use the time to give yourself a push though, and your time will come again.

relaxing days are most definitely hard to come by. many say i bring it on myself. they say i like to be overburdened.

do i have a choice?


too hard to resist

torn apart

what is a soul supposed to do?

he found me sleeping
sprawled out in death's arms
he did see me weeping
but he had no qualms

he walked away.

i wanted to reach out
i wanted to see
if he would turn back
and reach out to me

he walked away.

i did call out
and i did pray
that he come back
and take me away

he didn't look back.

he never returned
he never did dare
i realized too late
that he really didn't care.

he was never going to be there.

as life slips away
slow and deliberate
i smile and embrace
the fact and my fate.

he was gone.


the wedding.

it was long.
and hot.
and fatiguing.

my face, plastered with a fake smile, greeted all those bitchy pretentious people who attended.

you come to a wedding.. and you bitch about the bride, groom, their families. what's that all about eh?

anyways.. its 7pm.. and i've got to drive s all the way to some place near bear mountain.. and then come back home.

another weekend gone by.. and not an ounce of rest.



and i'm definitely tired today.

with life surprising me with every move i make
its hard not to get tired.


whoo hoo!

i woke up at 8 today! after so so long.
i definitely was a happy camper today.

but my uncle's so ill.
never seen him in so much pain.
i took him to the doctor this morning.
and the doctor was like - "oh he's in bad shape.. you'll have to bring him in atleast another 3 times"


i just hope he gets better..


happiness is such a bland, waxy state of being...

i don't think there is ever ever a destination just a vague notion most times or so i think anyway and by no means have i reached any destinations infact i am bothered by how 'homogeneous' i have become in the last couple of years my paints forgotten and thoughts not quite there the solemn and sublime stretch my soul out for batik kneads rolls beats rolls kneads rolls beats rolls will they ever give up trying to stretch my soul to eternity dabbing it in colors unseen decking it like a bride walking down the aisle slitting it to reveal the redness.

though i have changed since the thoughts left me
feeling humbled
a little lost
a little quiet

walk a thousand miles
weep till the outer worlds are flooded
wait for an eternity


all words are essentially limited how can you ever describe the texture of a desire space constructed and inhabited but then all words are similarly limited for they destroy the very thought that demands the words the moment a word comes into existence to try and describe a thought thoughts are better left as nebulous clouds forming dissipating filtering them through a sieve of words is so pointless.

but then, how would i share a thought that screams the sentiment - i miss you.


i began as a three-dimensional void in a higher-dimensional space.
can you see me now?

am sitting here, drenched in sweat that pours off my head though it doesnt
bleed away the thudding of blood that rushes in and demands something

a n d.......n o w.......a f t e r .......a l l .......t h e s e .......d a y s .......i .......s t i l l .......f i n d .......n o....... o n e....... a n d....... i .......a m .......s t i l l .......l o s t....... l o s t .......i n .......t h i s....... d e e p .......v o i d .......w i t h....... n o t .......e v e n .......a .......s i n g l e....... r a y .......o f .......h o p e....... t o .......l a t c h .......o n .......t o .......t h e r e .......i s .......n o .......n i g h t .......n o .......j a z z .......n o .......l i g h t....... n o .......g l u e .......n o .......g r a i n s .......o f .......s a n d .......n o .......b r e e z e .......a n d .......n o .......h i m .......o n l y....... h i s....... m e m o r i e s .......t o .......t h i n k .......a b o u t .......h i s....... f a c e .......i....... d o n t .......s e e....... e v e r y .......t i m e .......i .......c l o s e....... m y....... e y e s .......t h e n....... a g a i n .......i .......j u s t .......p i c t u r e .......t h e .......d a y .......w e .......w i l l .......c o m e .......f a c e .......t o .......f a c e .......a n d .......t h a t .......d a y .......w i l l .......b e....... t w i s t e d .......w i t h .......c h a r m i n g....... d i s d a i n

as i grow, i seem to get even more enamoured by a certain kind of sensuality i evoke in my mind.
it's like having 'demolition man' style sex.
it's all in the mind.
thats just about the most shocking thing - your mind's in control.
accept it.

though the circumstances of this day are far from perfect
they are a minor concern when compared to the overwhelming (positive) experience of being alive
just living each day is such a big deal and getting out of bed is the worst chore to perform
why dont you just give me some dishes to do the night before


i actually do like living.. there's so much to do. i'd die if i wasnt living. haha. actually my mind's kinda lost.. it wandered away. and now i dont know what i'm gonna do without it. of all the things i've lost this year, i sure do miss my mind the most.

my heart keeps picking up feelings that i have not experienced for a while
and it is trying them on for size
and i allow this to continue
which leaves me feeling drained
but my heart has a purpose
it wants me to acknowledge my appreciation for all that is good in my world
it wants me to think about how much effort i so often go to on behalf of my problems
why must the negative factors in my life demand the bulk of my time and energy

then sometimes when i am fast asleep
i have a dream that is so vivid
it makes me feel sure i am wide awake
i can even see myself
in the dream
sitting up and saying
"thank god i am awake. what an odd dream that was"
or i may dream that i am pinching myself to see if i am dreaming
and scary part is that i can actually feel that pinch in the dream
so am i dreaming
or are they genuine
go for a run
have a hot drink
i must do whatever i need to reassure myself
then relax
though life right now may be reminiscent of some strange fantasy
it is real
and also
more importantly
it is good.

i will now sleep.
since i feel ..




then what?

i don't know.

but i will sleep.

my math professor always manages to cheer up my spirits!
he's just amazing.
i wish there were more professors like him - then the whole education experience would be an enriching one.
i promise that.
i've never seen someone so understanding. its as if he's not human.

he's this real kind martian :-)

what's even more amazing is how i can just talk to him..


and i talk to a stranger about things even my closest friends dont know.

thank you so much, professor.
you're a good man.

VIRGO (Aug 24 - Sep 23)
What you want at the moment is a bit of peace and quiet, and some space to call your own, so you can feel that your feet are on the floor again after the mad rush of the past few weeks. Yet trying to explain that to a lover or close friend is almost impossible. It doesn't mean that the relationship between you is cooling, and it doesn't mean that they've done something they need to apologise for; it's simply that you need a little time in your own company to get a few things sorted out in your head, which are actually nothing to do with your personal life at all.

oh my lord!

how true is that now eh?

all i want is some quietude. and a whole lot of personal space.
despite the fact that people see me as an "extrovert".. i'm not that much of a people's person.
i'm not rude.
but i would rather be by myself.


its hard to find that kind of privacy.
the only time i do get sometime to myself is when i'm driving.
but its even tough to think about myself when the whole highway is filled with DUMB JERKS
who fucking drive like maniacs.

i diverge.
i rant.
so what's new?

this whole year, i see, has been a crazy, tough time for most people to get through.
every friend/family i meet has been in a maniacal frenzy because life's getting too hard to handle.

is your life so too?


i plucked the surfboard out of the sand
and ran towards the waves

i create illusions.

Stay in touch with what it means to be alive as you move
forward through the beautiful living blessing of today.