an apple a day keeps the doctor away

but an onion a day keeps everyone away!


i walk a mile


whoo hoo!

look who made it to the blog of the day.

i must thank arthur coddington for it. .

Thank you Arthur Coddington :)

as i grow, i seem to get even more enamoured by a certain kind of sensuality i evoke in my mind.
it's like having 'demolition man' style sex.
it's all in the mind.
thats just about the most shocking thing - your mind's in control.
accept it.

though the circumstances of this day are far from perfect
they are a minor concern when compared to the overwhelming (positive) experience of being alive
just living each day is such a big deal and getting out of bed is the worst chore to perform
why dont you just give me some dishes to do the night before


i actually do like living.. there's so much to do. i'd die if i wasnt living. haha. actually my mind's kinda lost.. it wandered away. and now i dont know what i'm gonna do without it. of all the things i've lost this year, i sure do miss my mind the most.

my heart keeps picking up feelings that i have not experienced for a while
and it is trying them on for size
and i allow this to continue
which leaves me feeling drained
but my heart has a purpose
it wants me to acknowledge my appreciation for all that is good in my world
it wants me to think about how much effort i so often go to on behalf of my problems
why must the negative factors in my life demand the bulk of my time and energy

then sometimes when i am fast asleep
i have a dream that is so vivid
it makes me feel sure i am wide awake
i can even see myself
in the dream
sitting up and saying
"thank god i am awake. what an odd dream that was"
or i may dream that i am pinching myself to see if i am dreaming
and scary part is that i can actually feel that pinch in the dream
so am i dreaming
or are they genuine
go for a run
have a hot drink
i must do whatever i need to reassure myself
then relax
though life right now may be reminiscent of some strange fantasy
it is real
and also
more importantly
it is good.

Holi Hai! :-)

the good:

* playing with color.

* getting evil.. trying to find the best color in town (best color = one that doesn't wash off for days).

* catching people by surprise.

* painting people's teeth with a gold colored paste.. face with a black paste.. rubbing color all over the body (while they try and fight me).
* filling balloons with colored water and thrashing the boys with it (finally, revenge for adam teasing!)

* laughing at how weird people look when covered from head to toe in blue/red/yellow/black/silver/gold/purple.

* squirting colored water on passers-by with powerful water pistons.

* food! great yummy food. especially after all that mischief.

* laughing at colored people the next day.

the bad part:

* the color will not wash off for days. so have to get up, not look in the mirror and go to work/school etc with a rare mix of blak/yellow/red/pink skin.. gold/silver hair.. pink/black/purple teeth. yikes! and the more color you had on you after Holi, the more people want to talk to you - overnight stardom. but you did get laughed at a lot too.

* getting awful colors rubbed on teeth, face, hair, skin, back of ears, tip of nose, eye brows.
* getting hit with color-filled water balloons is not fun. it stings.

* those damn pistons that squirt colored water on you never miss their target - even the eyes start to look red!

* looking at yourself in the mirror the day after does no good for your self-esteem. some people look pretty - even when they're blue/red/yellow/black/silver/gold/purple in color!

* some of the colors sting your skin/eyes. a burning sensation that wont go even after you apply wallops of jergens.

* you end up having color treated hair (more color = less hair).

* getting yelled at by mom for participating in this monkey business (she never did like this color festival - thought it was too stupid and harmful).

i still miss it. but i wouldn't play with colors anymore.. maybe some water, but definitely not colors.

China's first direct flight to India lands in New Delhi

whoa! this definitely is an exciting first.


"Each person has been put here for a purpose by God, and it's kind of up to them to figure out what talents and blessings they've been given and how they're going to use those for the betterment of all mankind."

-- seventh space walk

yeah i agree with the whole purpose thing and trying to figure out what the purpose is.. but its that same damned "to figure out" deal that leaves me confused, disturbed, frustrated, depressed and a whole lot of other emotions. trying to figure out where you belong in this big scary world can drain the life out of me. where do i belong? what am i supposed to be doing? and why is it that i can't do what i think i'm supposed to be doing? am i out here in this world to waste away?

i am confused.. and maybe even scared.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

"Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing."
--Tom Dreesen


More typos/lack of proper sentence formatting:

The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.


i feel evil.. stay away from me today/tomorrow.

The Elephant Trunk

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hoped for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new uipment."

The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face.

She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?"

With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass."

the past year has been bad for many people.. in many different ways - work, love, education etc. but what's weird is that i noticed this tension and nervousness more so in people in their early to mid twenties. and trying to find the answer to that question has been of utmost priority to me (especially because i'm going through a similar phase).

i have a theory: we feel this anxiety because we're facing the first recession of our lifetime.

does that make any sense? to me it does.

early 2000, people were over-joyous about their jobs, careers and hence, love, life in general. then the Q-4 results started rolling in like a big, black thunderous cloud. after which, everydamnthing got rained on. and since most of us are freshly out of school or graduating seniors eager to rock the world with our (now drenched) enthusiasm, we know not what to make of our frizzed out dreams. reality slapped us right across our pretty faces and the enthusiasm dwindled to a nervous laugh.

i guess we are now officially learning about life.. and reality.

Collage Machine? < via bifurcated rivets . >

make a collage from your favorite websites.. i tried. it worked. and it worked beautifully.


naughty wabbit < via jish. >

Typos and lack of proper sentence formatting can be very misleading. Here are some actual problem sentences found in church bulletins/newsletters:

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...


oops. here's a rectification: this wasn't said by me..

My life is not always mine to plan and live.


unfortunately, jr doesn't have a website. he should though.


rarely do we find people who.. touch our lives in positively unspoken ways. people who make us want to be better people. people who're special (and i'm not talking about the K-mart blue light special hehe). people who make you laugh. and people who laugh with you. people who make you cry because you seem lost without them in your life.

and when you do find such people, don't let go.

> > i was kidding freak
> >besides, its easier to learn than to forget.
> >
> wait till i get my hands on you!

you wish

still easier to learn

i go make myself some tea now

1. put cold cold water in kettle
2. wait till it boils
3. fill 1/4th of the mugga with hot water
4. wait 1 minute
5. throw out said water, now the mugga is hot
6. select tea, fill tea-ball with leaves (earl grey mixed with rare Sikkim for
7. put tea ball in mugga
8. pour boiling water
9. steep for 3 minutes
10. add 1 teaspoon of sugar
11. add 1/2 teaspoon of milk
12. enjoy

thats my 12-step program.

wanna join?


her life should be celebrated as much as she celebrated her life.

-- jq

My life is not always mine to plan and live.


A pensive,




priorities ?


pleasure principles?

he he.. step hot mamma , step.


I have been thinking long and hard.. about an aggravating issue. And I sincerely wish I didn't have to think so long and so hard about it. But I can't seem to put the whole bundle down and walk away from it. I've realized something.. and that fact is very hard to digest. I don't want to but, I absolutely have to give it my complete attention. I must find a way to solve this situation.. to make peace with it. And the moment I find this formula, time will start flying by.. the scenario will probably become more welcoming. Maybe sometime in the future, I will look back at this problem/issue and even find it hilarious (if I do find the solution I want). I'm trying to win a battle to be able to distinguish the significant from the trivial. But looking at how much I have invested, I think I am battling to win over the significant. Am I comprehensible? Or maybe I'm just confused.. there is a thin line between importance and irrelevance. And I have too many people in my life who derive fetishistic pleasure from confusing me even more. But bad things do not happen all the time. Its just that when they do happen (to me), they have a very big impact on me. I long remember my sources of pain, agony, and trouble and I constantly remain on alert in case they reappear. This priority level leaves me drained - in every way. I become overly defensive.. which makes life unbearable. I cannot shut people out (they wont allow it).. nor can I live in pretense. I cannot share either. Why? Just because. There are some issues that are very private to me. And I want my privacy.

I used to have so much faith. So much hope. So much enthusiasm. And now, I'm trying to justify not having them. I don't need faith, hope, enthusiasm.. I can exist without them just fine. I used the word exist.

But is life all about just existing?

i go through the "dubba-peepa" syndrome ever so often these days. its like i'm lost.. in the middle of the spectacular banff.. witnessed by someone i love. and would i still love the same?
my love is sad. i wont meet him the same way i did. he made me grow up..


A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

Tuesday, 19th March 2002

You are in the process of going up in the world. You may not yet be getting offers of promotion or receiving invitations to mingle with the aristocracy. But that is neither here nor there. You are going "up in the world"' in the best possible sense of that phrase. You are rising above a petty concern. You are lifting your consciousness to a new height. You are transcending an old limitation. Soon, you will be taking another brave step up the ladder of wisdom and understanding.

I dont really know about going up in this world.. but what I do know is that I got this real neat haircut to match my new-found attitude. And I like how I look. Give me an asshole, and I'll deal with him - my way.


i seriously have nothing better to do in life. i get these bouts of inspiration (read: ablsolut stupidity).. and then i go haywire. i start getting all these ideas in my brain.. and i think of all the people i want to meet.

i should sleep now.

no one's around.. when i need to talk.


been thinking.. i need space.. my own space on the net.

how does that sound? well, i'll buy it. sooner or later.



Another pushes you hard and for a long time. Pressure builds within your immediate circle or in your personal life. You might have to let another know that you have had enough. Sound the alert system if necessary. A relationship will heat up if given the chance.
Tonight: Say "yes."

Say yes to what?

Oh here's something interesting:

sc: suck the fucking world, u blood sucker!
me: lol
sc: u r a blood sucking vampire, uncle sucker!
sc: u don't do the dishes, or mow the lawn, u suck blood all day long...
me: what else could i suck, uncle fukcer?
sc: use your imagination, uncle sucker!
sc: go suck a lemon, uncle sucker
me: fuck off, uncle fucker :-p
me: by the way, here's my new pick up line:
sc: suck my blood and call me dead! she's a vampire!
sc: thats my response...

sc can be so adorable at times.. well just at times.. most of the times he's obssessed with his career! and then he's no fun.

So someone tells me that there's a darkness looming over me.. and that i must move further west.

whatever that means.

I feel like a total misfit.


m e e r a






when this moon is full..
it does shine the spotlight on my soul.

my soul puts up a performance i've never seen before.

the spring in it's gait
the laughter i can hear
the genuine joy i feel

my soul does give a beautiful performance
when the moon is full...

somwhere deep inside, you must know i miss you..


I guess I wasn't that braindead after all..

nothing to say when i die i would cease to know who i was and is he gone is all our friends say when i was a kid i had this bad bicycle accident i failed to handle a speed bump the earth greeted me by piercing an aluminium rod through my ego there was this deep deep gash in my thigh right down to the bone the pristine white looked so pure against the vividty of the red blood surrounding it this urge to touch that white purity was so overwhelming was it really there in my 22 years i can never say with false pride that i have touched that pristine white can you proclaim your achievement can you tell me something i dont know i have been living with these bones feeling them move within me feeling chills down to the bone how weird is it that i have never felt them never felt my own bones i wonder if they don't turn into something once the wound is closed is that pristine white just a disguise for something more daunting color from my face bleeds onto my pillow how weird is that he came he saw he wandered he touched he caressed he hugged all with his eyes looking so forlorn wanting more than i can offer / all i can offer is four walls a floor a ceiling i knew i am still here lost in raw white space why cant they see how pretending ignorance innocence kneads my cells to a pulp happiness is a highly overrated phenomenon i have no more to give i have no more to ask the heart drowning in cocktails of stagnating norms dreading life and living yearning to reach out wanting to dial out to the world of desire throbs and thrusts

32 minutes of thinking 44 seconds of blinking beads of perspiration threaded by my soul hours and hours of mourning



i feel alone. very very alone.


girl # 1: So, what do you like most about the opposite sex?
girl # 2: The smell.. that vague masculine smell.

Random Thought:

I just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married.

I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number


Sometimes I feel life is one big confidence trick. All you have to have is confidence. This always does the trick. Well, almost always. And I noticed it helps if you put your confidence in something worthy. I can go a very long way with faith in an empty idea but sooner or later, I will reach a dead end. If my vision though, has depth and meaning.. if I continue to trust what I trust.. I will definitely pave a path even from a dead end. There are times I may lack crucial resources, I may encounter awkward problems but, I feel I have an asset that's priceless beyond measure..

and that's my willingness to put my heart and soul into a precious goal.

Yes. I will pave a new path from a dead end.


mw is back with a bang!

I really really missed him :)

Straight from New Orleans:

Rapper C-Murder Indicted for second-degree murder

The world gets weirder by the day.

Often these days, I think about my life. I get cranky with myself for not accomplishing what I've been wanting to, for trying to find easy routes, for not taking advantage of the opportunites that rarely come my way. I get irritated and angry at all the things I'm unable to do. Valid, as these points are, so are they misleading. What I dont often realise is I get so whorled up things i'm not doing, I forget to enjoy the things I do get to do.


Its the simple things that bring me joy now.
When I can get up from the couch without wincing, I smile.
whoa! I carried my books and walked a block to class!
I filled up an 8x11 with words (albeit out of context), I walked out of the exam a happier person. And I was sure I didn't get even a single correct answer.
I was feeling triumphant because I could use my hand to write.

I've just realized how much I take my body for granted.

When I read this, I didn't want to believe it. Cruel. Insane. Those words don't come close to what happened out here.

Bizzare details of a man's death revealed: Hit-and-run victim lived for two days while trapped in the windsheild. The impact hurled him headfirst through the windshield, his broken legs protruding onto the hood.

my neurologist is a bitch.

M&M's: Would you like to create your own custom bag? < via popcultureslut >.

As I watched the seagulls, I thought, That's the road to take; find the absolute rhythm and follow it with absolute trust. -- Nikos Kazantzakis


I found my twin (ableit a few years younger).

Actually believes the world could be a beautiful place, if only everyone saw things her way.
Just ask her - she'll nearly deafen you with her point of view and style. Her secret plan is to
run away from Marbello Bay and become an actress; the money sounds about right, and, for
Tisha, the further away the better. Not a town girl.

Money, right about now, sounds real good and town is definitely not where I belong. Not that I live in a town.. Well, then again, Highland Park could pass off as a town.. with one Stop&Shop, one RiteAid, a Cyclery.. and many quaint little shops. But then again, it is right across the river (about 1/2mile) from the university. Mostly, postgrads live in Highland Park. College students storm in and out of the place.. is it right to call Highland Park a town? Maybe.. maybe not.

blood pressure : 74/52.

great! just great!


insomniae is back.. and back with a bang!

Thank you, Wiley Otis for the prayers and wishes :)


Yes, I am alive..

Top Twenty Thinnest Books:
  1. How to Please a Woman
    by John Bobbitt
  2. My Plan to Find the Real Killers
    by O. J. Simpson
  3. All the Men I Have Loved Before
    by Ellen DeGeneres
  4. The Book of Virtues
    by Bill Clinton
  5. Things I Love About Bill
    by Hillary Clinton
  6. Things I Cannot Afford
    by Bill Gates
  7. Things I Would Not Do for Money
    by Dennis Rodman
  8. The Wild Years
    by Al Gore
  9. My Life's Memories
    by Ronald Reagan
  10. A Collection of Motivational Speeches
    by Dr. J. Kervorkian
  11. How to Land a Plane at Martha's Vineyard
    by JFK, Jr
  12. Detroit
    A Travel Guide

  13. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette

  14. The Amish Phone Directory

  15. The Engineers Guide to Fashion

  16. Everything Men Know About Women

  17. Everything Women Know About Men

  18. Career Opportunities for the Liberal Arts Major

  19. Different Ways to Spell Bob

  20. America's Most Popular Lawyers

Tuesday, 5th March 2002

You have something of a reputation for being hard to work with, but the only reason for that is that you set high standards, you keep to them, and you expect other people to do the same. When you do find someone who's on your wavelength and appreciates your finer talents, then you get on very well, and that's happening right now. You're getting on so well, in fact, that you're both wondering about continuing your collaboration at a more personal level. That's up to you - but other signs wouldn't have waited this long, nor needed asking twice.

more on this.. later.


I must ignore 23 year old girls who love acting prudish and refuse to grow up.


Gah! Not a moment's rest do I have. And to top it off, friends have found this to be the best time to argue about religion and point fingers.
This is just what the doctor prescribed: stress, to a point of ulceration.

must take nowhere's advice: "when all else fails, try chocolate.gives soul food a whole new meaning babe.the gooey-er,the better."

or better.. time for my favorite soul food: Strawberry icecream topped with a thick layer of chocolate magic freeze!
Heavens, here I come. :)

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse.. I come accross this: Fallen Stars Duke It Out.
< via plasticboy >

Random Laugh:

Biggest Lie of the Week hehehe

Drug Tunnel:

U.S. federal agents show a tunnel discovered leading across the border with Mexico. Not only was it used for smuggling, they say, but may also have been rented out by drug lords.

What the fuck is Gogle.com?

I went to school today after two weeks.. and must I say how big an ordeal it was?! Gosh! I was on the parkway and all of a sudden my entire right leg bursts into this horrible spasm (didn't get its daily dose of sedatives). I thought it would be better if I didn't take my medicines as it would make me drowsy.. and then I'd fall asleep even before I reached for the door.

I crashed on the couch the moment I set foot inside the house.

Happy Birthday Winnie :)

Common acronyms you may or may not be able to define... I got 12/14.
eat your hearts out! :-p