From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were
asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."...

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which
is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants
to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -- Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to
accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
letting just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.
That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine
if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the
biggest number you could come up with! -- Age 6

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set
aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll
have a couple of days saved up. -- Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my
teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
-- Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an
accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed
it, the blood would be right there. -- Age 5

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize
world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would
be until the looting started. -- Age 15