Random Thoughts:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.



people love to have opinions. that's fair enough. it's a free world. people also love to foist their opinions on one another. this is not quite so fair and it tends to make the world less free. i sometimes feel as if i'm being watched and judged. given that i can't possibly please all the people all the time, maybe i should decide that i'm happy to be judged as a person who doesn't care whether or not i'm being judged!

do i make sense?


did some thinking this past weekend.. and one of the topics was what if i weren't the only child?

the characteristics of a first-born child are magnified in the only child. an only child can be relied on to be fairly loyal as the loneliness of his/her childhood translates into a desire to be true. the only child is less of a perfectionist than the oldest child and more likely to stray in a relationship, especially in a situation where it seems they will never get caught, such as a solo vacation or while their mate is out of town for an extended period. an only child tends to play by the rules but work behind the scenes to bend the rules their way.

how interesting.

someone actually sang this song for me in a karaoke bar:

Sammy Davis, Jr. - Something's Gotta Give

When an irresistible force
Such as you.
Meets an old immovable object like me.
You can bet as sure as you live.
Something gotta give
Something gotta give
Something gotta give.

When an irrepressible smile
Such as yours.
Warms an old implacable heart
Such as mine.
Don't say no.
Because I insist.
Somewhere, Somehow, Someone's gonna be kissed.

So on guard.
Who knows what the faiths have in store.
From there fast mysterious sky.
I'll try hard ignoring those lips I adore.
But how long can anyone try.

Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight.
Fight it with all of our might.
Chances are some heavenly star spangled night.
You'll find out
As sure as we live.
Something's really got to give.


to understand why people die, we first have to understand why they live..

more on this tomorrow..

and now i slap me silly till me goes to sleep


*ok ok.. too many spiderman comics can do that to you.. haaarrrrrrrrrr*

standing in the cold wet wind.. fog engulfing..

very soothing.

as i said..

vicarious living.


i want to make you mine.

all mine.



in love.


my writings often embrangle people.

many find it hard to understand what i write and why i write what i write.

it's simple.

i put down my thoughts - in raw, uncensored form.

it is very hard to say what you're thinking.. but writing what you think is not as hard. it might depend on who reads your journals.. why they read it.. blah blah.

but this is my blog. i will write what i want to.

if you do end up reading my blog, maybe you'll learn something new.. or maybe you wont.

how does it matter?

these days, chairs, beds and even sofas can be folded up so small that they fit in your pocket and then just filled with air when needed. oddly, though, most people don’t take them down once they are up. they leave them around until they develop a leak and turn into a liability. i find i do the same with my anxieties. i blow them up out of all proportion and then keep them inflated even when they have lost all relevance.

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."0

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

playing on my jukebox, a song from Queen of the Damned:

Wayne Static of Static-X - Not Meant For Me

You think you're smart
You're not, it's plain to see
That you want me to follow
It's killing me let's see
You've got the gall
Come take it all

The jury is coming
Coming to tear me apart
All this bitching and moaning
Come on it's on

I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me

So what you got
One last shot
It seems to me
That you're not needed
Come on
It's killing me let's see
You got the gall
Come take it all

The jury is coming
coming to tear me apart
All this bitching and moaning
Come on it's on

I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me

I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me

I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me

For me
For me

i got the best advice ever from the chief ER resident:

"Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to God."

one of my favorite Rush songs:

[From The Pass, lyrics by Neil Peart.]
and now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
staring down into a heartless sea
can't face life on a razor's edge
nothing's what you thought it would be

it's not as if this barricade
blocks the only road
it's not as if you're all alone
in wanting to explode

someone set a bad example
made surrender seem all right
the act of a noble warrior
who lost the will to fight

no hero in your tragedy
no daring in your escape
no salutes for your surrender
nothing noble in your fate ...


stalactites take thousands of years to form. drip by drip, drop by drop, they gradually come into place. it takes them only slightly less time to develop in their underground caves, than it takes to get through to an operator when you are phoning the gas company!

at least, though, the stalactites don’t hold forth any pretence of being able to help.

i often think about those street performers that i sometimes see on times square and other places. before they swallow their swords or juggle their flaming torches, they make a great play of the danger they're about to put themselves in. yet they do this everyday. deep down within, they know precisely how to carry out the feat and feel extremely confident of their own ability. but they have to make it look scary so that the audience will be impressed.

what great actors!

this page has been impregnated with a special serum. if you so much as touch it, a truth drug will pass into your system and cause you to reveal your private thoughts to strangers. you will be unable to lie - even for the sake of social protocol. in answer to the simple question, "how're you?" you will start explainig how you really are in intimate detail. as for those secrets you are keeping, you can kiss them goodbye!


wish i could put up my tunes for you to hear.


many books offer to test your personality or measure your IQ. how come there are none such books to assess your sanity? is it because such publications wouldn't sell? or because, despite the claims of learned professionals, there's absolutely no way to make such a judgement? one person's sanity is another's madness - and vice versa. so who can say what's crazy?


Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

technomerlin: "shes got pain in her heart...desire in her soul and fire in her belly... thats foolmaker for me..."

i don't like life to be dull. so i should be thoroughly enjoying myself now right? there's plenty of drama, challenge, conflict and cause for concern and that is kind of what i like. i like it in small doses. or when it is happening to someone else and i can dip in and out of their troubled world. or when there is also comfort and inspiration. i don't like it when there is only tension.

know how the moon looks as it approaches the full moon state? it grows to a significant size.. switching from a subtle hint to an emphatic statement. that is how my inner voice is right now. where once, i was able to ignore it, now i can't deny it. i feel i know what i have to do - and i'm right.

in the antique trade they have a lovely turn of phrase. if something is stained, weather-beaten or covered in rust it is “blessed with the patina of antiquity.” thus described, the item increases rather than decreases in value. the words we use can sometimes make a big difference to the feelings that we have. i have to be careful then of what words i choose to describe my situation. and i must watch too, for a tendency to dismiss something very viable and valuable just because i don't like the association which someone else has attached to it.

for love, i do all kinds of crazy things.. and ditto's the word for money. is this because i need to? or because i want to? or is it simply because, in my desperation to attain either one, i find myself abandoning my discrimination and lowering my intellingence. i hope not.. for that would be most ironic - especially as i would be far more likely to attract those elusive qualities into my life by manifesting confidence rather than acquiescence. i don't think i'll compromise my state of emotional or material well being by being myself.



i'm definitely not an island. when i respond to one set of pressures in hope of alleviating stress, i cannot help but create a different set elsewhere. and then i end up feeling like a struggling juggler. sometimes i get around this by closing my eyes and hoping for the best.. i figure that if i cannot see what's going on, i can ignore it. then again sometimes i try to observe and understand everything. i end up tying myself in complicated, convoluted knots.

what i did manage to figure out is how to try and make every decision a good one - by developing a sense of priority.


my mom's boss is the cutest thing since .. (can't really compare him to anybody i know). with his rugged features and a great personality and voice, he might just turn out to be my current favorite. hehe.

mom: i've never seen him so interested in someone. this is the first time i've seen him talk so enthusiastically and animatedly. he was really curious about you.

and all i could do was blush mentally.

have you ever noticed how many oafs and buffoons seem to populate the places of power? i wonder where are the sensitive souls, the wise, thoughtful and creative characters who ought to have some say in the running of our world?

"scientists don't tend to believe in God."

i don't think that's generally true. i volunteer at a hospital and have had a chance to work with doctors and medical researchers from various walks of life. most of them are quite religious. i know we have roman catholics, orthodox jews, reformed jews, greek orthodox christians, jehovah's witnesses, hindus, buddhists, muslims and many more. in my experience, scientists are far from the cold, emotionless people they're sometimes thought to be.


"Love thine enemy."

yeah. this is easier said than done. although in a strange way i've achieved it. my enemies, more often than not, are people that i once loved. its the hardest thing in the world to rekindle a flame that has been extinguished in the ice-cold water of disappointment. but then i don't have to love my enemy with a passion. its enough for me to respect and be appreciative of my enemies' true qualities.


on every journey into the unknown, i reach a point after which there can be no turning back. sometimes i like to race past it as quickly as i can.. and other times, well, i hover on the brink, savoring the tantalising sense of a bridge between two worlds. i can fool myself into thinking that i'm safe because, if i want to, i can pull back. yet, deep down, i know i stand no chance of doing such a thing. this past week has brought me to just such a place. i could travel at any speed i like.. but i know that soon i'll arrive somewhere very new and interesting.


some weird accquaintance i met after a long long time.

he: hey!! remember me.. i'm so and so.. we met at this party... you remember me right?

me: i never do forget a face, but in your case i'll be glad to make an exception.


help! they're coming to get me! no, i know i can't hear them but that's part of their cunning plan. they're wearing socks over their shoes. no, i know i can't see them either but that's yet another example of how fiendish they are - disguising themselves as trees, cars, sofas. they're biding their time.. waiting for the moment. the only way to keep them at bay is to stand on one leg in the middle of the market square and yodel.

my ankle's swollen and my throat hurts! aiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


the girl in this picture could very well be me.

$9 for shampooing and blow drying - only in minnesota!

makes me wanna settle down there. :) i dont get my nails done.. i'm not a great big fan of makeup either. the only thing i obssess about is my hair! i brush, deep condition, do all the things i can to keep it looking the way it does (*cough* beautiful). so, $9 hair care (in minnesota) compared to $19 (in new york).. wheee.

ok. so i guess most of you can tell i've had a great trip. i even forced myself into a great adventure. made 3 new friends. exchanged 3 rental cars. changed 2 hotels. switched 7 aircrafts. gosh. i dont even remember all the stuff i did. too late. will update. later.


some things are truly beyond belief. i watch them happen with a mixture of awe and amazement. i keep re-running the tape in my mind hoping to make some sense of what i see and hear. and even thought the filing cabinet of the brain can easily digest and store the familiar, i think it has a great big difficulty with the unkown.. kinda like fear of the unknown. if the brain doesn't recognize something, it struggles to compare it to the nearest familiar thing, in the bargain making huge mistakes.

i often think i know what i don't know.. but sometimes i'm surprised.


minneapolis, mn.


i didn't realize my blog was this bad. i think she missed the whole point..