"Is it that you are working - or even playing too hard? because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour ... ... .

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going.. but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are ... not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, "Simpatico".

You need a friend - a close friend ... and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance .. and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be some-what argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce your chances of prospects of realising your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships ... that is, to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person ... full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection ... looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy "All things bright and beautiful".. someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement, and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation now has progressed where you are apt to disagree, yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you... As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes "The past does not equal tomorrow". Think about it .... and let go"


"In the midst of winter, I finally learned
that there was in me an invincible summer."

-Albert Camus


guy: do u love him because he loves u?
girl: i loved him the first time i saw him. tall and lanky.. with those innocent eyes. he hadn't even seen me then.. i couldn't breathe.. it took me 15 minutes before i could gather courage to walk up and say hi. he wasn't impatient.. but he was worried. and he knew i was always punctual. and when he first saw me walk through the door.. i guess he knew it was me.. he walked in long strides.. with his left hand in his slack pocket.. his smile warmed my heart. everything else around me was a blurr.. except him. black slacks.. dull olive green jcrews.. and those adorable set of modo's balanced on his nose, trying to hide those big brown eyes.. and i, like a bum, give out my hand, for a shake.. and he takes it.. and says "being formal doesn't really suit you".. then he gives me this big hug..
i almost cried. he was so comforting. he did compliment my smile.


i am all torn apart..

Listen to heer mentioned above.


My GQ (geek quotient) is 138.6

like it matters.

I have always wanted to experience a love/hate relationship with a man.
Hate - to a point of making him wince with pain.
Love - where I find myself crying at his infidelity.

Then again, I'm weird.


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.... True to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked
"So Ken, where's that 7 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did
too they were laughing so hard!

Pascal, Montreal, Canada


I haven't slept well in a long time. And I don't think I'll be able to get enough of that anymore. why? because


aiyah! what's a poor sad me to do?

Actually, I'm really looking forward to this semester because I have a very good professor for Astrophysics and I have an awesome Astronomy Lab and then I have (kind of) easy Computer Science classes. So, that's another start to another (sort of) boring half year.


I must officially change my name from foolmaker to matchmaker.


I have been meaning to put up quite a few pictures.. but hey, you know me, I'm lazy :)

When Ishu was a baby, I made a little play box for her out of those huge, double pack Kelloggs Frosted Flakes boxes. And she loved it. I made a hole in the shape of a triangle on one side, a rectangle on the other, and a circle on the bottom part. I cut out the flaps on the open side of the box. She would get in from one shape to the other.. or she would put her favorite kangaroo in the box and try to get it out using various ways. She loved that box. Alas, she can't play with it now because she has become too heavy for the box (My baby's all grown up..). Now I have to find another stronger box for her.

here's my gorgeous baby playing with her Kelloggs Cereal box a window into her little world inside the box.. that's where she was very happy whoa! look at me go.. i'm having a WWF fight with my kangaroo i ripped my kangaroo's nose.. what should i do? two tired stupid bugs.. demon cat.. i just love this picture

so what do you think? email me.

So, JQ is this really smart, amazing woman who tends to have a tad bit of a time trying to accept compliments (she's so amazing! if I were a guy, I'd ask her to marry me).
Here's an excerpt:

me: want to read proof of how amazing you really are? < site url >
JQ: what's this?
me: read it
JQ: i'm so embarrased :-[
me: why are you? you shouldn't be
JQ: i don't know...
me: instead smile, say thank you, and feel proud of yourself.. because you deserve every bit of attention you get :-)
JQ: that was very nice of him. please thank him for me.
me: oh i dont know. let's see, i didn't ask him if i could show you his site.. but hey, its on the internet.. so anybody can see it.. but i'm sure he'll ta: respond in a fashion similar to this,
ta: "its absolutely my pleasure"
ta: or something like
ta: "well, you know those exotic options.."
ta: heheheheh
JQ: haha!!! you are too quick for your own good.

That was funny. I wish I could share more of the conversation.

Nursery Rhyme Revisited:

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

What's to become of this world, eh?


How many times do these youngsters use the word like?

its like you know, like man, i'm not shitting you. he like totally fucked up. fucking yeah! he's like a major dickheaded m'fucker. and she. she like totally grossed me out. she like can't even look human with layers of make up. i'm not shitting you girlfriend. that's like so not me. you know like..

I know I might tend to talk with a similar diction. But hey, you know its like.. hehehe. I'm kidding. I blame it on Lisa. :-p So Lisa, stop be so cheer-leader-y around me. You definitely are affecting my style :-p.

and here's something to prove:

a new me

i don't exist.


i'm burning with ambition and a desire to be the best/meanest.
if i'd be myself, i would have already achieved a lot of what i want.
but i've been sabotaging my own life.



i'm having insomniae-withdrawal.

Martin Luther King's assassin honored! Further details..



You have to take a look at what this guy has to show off!
Why you ask?
Because its so CREEPY!

so here's the PICTURE!

One note: Stare at the doorway in the back corner of the picture. You must stare at it long enough to realize what's going on. I would recommend staring at it for one minute. I almost fell off the chair when I realized!

Again, I was disappointed. And that is because I set extremely high standards for myself. Then I lead myself to believe that I am very capable of getting the best because I deserve the best. And that's when I get disappointed.

>I bet u think consequences all the time. I bet you just like to fool
>yourself that you don't :-P

you're fooling yourself into thinking the way you are.

i know what i want.
and i know how to get it.
and that's all i want to know.
because consequences don't matter.
because i will have what i want.
and that too at any cost.
so beware, mon ami.


Normally, I don't post a lot of jokes. But these two were hilarious.


Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension). Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. It was nominated "best email of 1997".

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review...

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes 'means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem,tossy singlish mopping we bother honey
sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome"


One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about
to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the
wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me
a blowjob?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?

Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you..."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the
girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled,
and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give
him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, dad says
he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell
him to take his hand off the intercom!"

The cold wind on my face stings.
Atleast I know I am alive.


I am disconcerted by my hiatuses of thought. I know not what brings upon such a disease - yes, it is a disease that needs to be treated. The memory lapses are getting worse as the days go by. What is to become of me?


I don't have internet connection at my new place (as of yet) and I have this horrible case of net-withdrawal. I got so used to always being online (with DSL at home). It turns out that I'm online close to 10 hours a day! And now, I feel completely disoriented at my new place. I dont even have basic cable.. And stupid me forgot to take a few videos to my room, so I ended up seeing the same movie 4 times!

Oh well, that's me then.

Atleast I am getting some serious studying done. And this is definitely good. I installed a few tutorials on my laptop. I revised some Linear Algebra. I brushed up on my Astrophysics (yayayayayay) and that was the best part. I worship all my Astronomy books. If I could, I would read those books every waking moment. Alas, I can't. :-/

Reasons why I love my new place:
- I love waking up to sunny, chirpy, siren-less mornings.
- I get enough time to spend quality time with me. (I feel so disconnected from me).
- I realize what having a family means. When you are away from the people you love, you begin to respect them and all that they do for you. You - value their presence.
- I get to be closer to nature.
- I live faaaarrr away from anything that even sounds remotely busy.
- I learn to slow down. Running in random directions gets you nowhere and completely fatigues every inch of your body and soul.
- I get to test the home-making skills I have accquired over the years. And I'm surprised at how much of my Ma's teachings I was able to retain in my brain.

Ah. There are many more reasons..


My ma has learned something new.

"Go to your home."


\\ Sometimes we do things we don't really want to do. Maybe we don't have a choice. Maybe its for our best. \\


I had the weirdest dream this morning. I woke up with a weirdly scary look on my face. I dreamt I was getting married. And since I couldn't take it anymore, I caught the hand of some guy standing in the wedding procession and ran away with him. And all this happened as I was walking down the aisle.

And I remember thinking to myself,
"Oh fuck, I haven't even shaved my legs. How can I elope with unshaven legs!? fuck fuck fuck"

what a weird dream eh?


How great is this? (whatever)
I'm number 2 on the submissive vaginal exams list.

I should be so fucking proud of myself.


So I finally got to spend the night in my new room! and that's because I finally managed to get the drapes up. I wouldn't want to scandalize the small, conservative community of Highland Park now! :-p

I had a horrible time falling asleep though.
It was deafeningly silent.
And that's why I couldn't sleep. I have gotten quite used to the sirens, ambulances, honking, screaming, yelling even at 3 am. Those sounds are like sweet lullabies to my tired ears. So how am I supposed to fall asleep in deafening silence?


I was tossing and turning for a long long time before falling asleep out of sheer fatigue at 3am.

I had a weird morning though. A look out of the window reminded me wonderfully of the song from Beauty and the Beast:

little town, its a quiet village
every day like the one before
little town, but not little people
waking up to say
"bonjour, bonjour, bonjour"
there goes the baker with his tray like always
the same old bed and rolls to sell
every morning just the same

Yes. I should soon be back to being myself and living my life the way I want to.

Tombstone Epitaph In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.


I had to put this up! This is hilarity personified :)

Terrance: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka
You're an uncle fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
Phillip: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka
You dont eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long
(fart noises)
Terrance: Hmm!
(fart noises)
Dudley Dooright guy: What's going on here?
(fart noises)
People: Oooooooooooooooooooooooh
Fucker fucker uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka fucka
T & P:Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (Terrance: uncle fucka)
Terrance: You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka
Phillip: You're an uncle fucka I must say
Terrance: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday
Everyone: (laughing)
People: Uncle fucka... thats
Everyone: U-N-C-L-E fuck you Uncle
Fuckaaaaaaaaaaaaa tonight...
Phillip: ...Suck my balls!


A medley, I present:

a new me a friend's high school graduation.. in Charleston, SC. fuckoff
for some reason.. me. trying to take a picture of me. on my way to doom (on my way to san jose) oh fuck you. back off, wont you?i have a really sexy arse and a horrible case of ear fetish! after all, i belong to tisha asher..

As you can see, I hate posing for the camera.

May i tell you how much I absofuckinglutely hate my nose?

A snippet from last evening:

MW was kind enough to welcome me to the neighborhood by treating me to dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant in Highland Park. Then, MW made the biggest mistake of his life! He rented South Park from the video store! And he made me watch the whole movie!

Aiyah! Big mistake.

Those bloody canadians, T and P have corrupted my little mind too. I just can't seem to get the Uncle Fucker song out of my mind. I've been singing it all night and day. You don't believe me? Here's how my version goes:

A very good morning
Uncle Fucker.
I have to go and pee
Uncle Fucker.

And this is the very edited/mellowed down version of my song.

You want to know how pathetic I got? I was even making those farting sounds with my mouth! Yikes. But hey, I completely enjoyed it.

Oh. I lost track again. So yes, my nose. During the movie, for some reason I look at MW and say, "I hate my nose. Its so ugly. I'm considering Rhinoplasty."
Please remind me never to mention that again to anybody. The moment I do, people spasm into this look-at-foolmaker's-nose phase. I know its hard to avoid looking at the object in question. But, come one people! Imagine you have a case of horrible crotch-itch. And you are in a crowd. So you tell your friend to stand in front of you while you scratch away to glory. Don't tell me your friend's not going to look at your crotch even 5 seconds after that. I know that makes you extremely uncomfortable. But you had to tell your friend so he could help you out, right?

That's the same case with my nose. I h a d to tell MW. I've hidden my hatred for my nose long enough. No more.

So yes, when I have the money, I'll be in for nose surgery!


i will leave now.
i have a long long day ahead tomorrow.
i move into my new room
and i get to see mw tomorrow! :)

for some reason, even that thought doesn't cheer me up at this moment. :-/

you and i would be perfect in each other's arms.. wouldn't we?

i crumbled.


i live in a parallel universe
with you.
and i love it.

i know i haven't been writing a lot lately. its been just crazy. i think i have the flu. and then i'm moving into my new room, which looks fabulous!
with the bunkbed and the whole fresh theme traversing the room.. yumm i can't wait to get there. (even though i'll miss living at home) hehehe.

well, i have so much to write about:

- the art of being grateful/thankful.
- the art of being unselfish.
- the art of bitching.
- the art of keeping your dreams alive.
- the art of focusing.

and much more.

and i have a lot to say about that.


what does the new year bring me?
i know not.

one question that bothers me is what is my reason of existence?