compromise has become a dirty word. it has an undesirable reputation. it has also become inextricably associated with sacrifice. i try to put aside my preconceptions and strive to be fair to myself - and to everyone else.

i hear all is fair in love and war. no wonder we live in such an unfair world. rarely do we find ourselves not in either of the mentioned states. we constantly rewrite the rules of daily life to suit our passionate purposes. i find that i cannot hope for peace anymore than i can hope for justice. but i sure can hope for - and attain - something more precious than the both: the ability to see what is happening for what it truly is. i don't want to be inflamed - or biased. i don't want to be unduly angry or overly sympathetic. i want to be calm. i want to be wise. i want to be neutral.

Funny.

New addition to the Periodic Table of Elements: "Administratium"...

A major research institution recently announced discovery of the heaviest element ever observed. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."

Administratium contains one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312, as a result of unpredictable Quantum fluctuations, in a dimension in which the usual rules of mathematics and logic do not apply.

Those 312 particles are held together by a weak force known as morons, surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Administratium has no electrons and is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes most reactions with which it comes in contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes many reactions to take more than four days to transpire, which in otherwise normal, unimpeded conditions would typically take less than one-second.

Administratium has a half-life of three years, and does not decay, but instead undergoes reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, because each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. That characteristic of moron-promotion leads scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a specific quantity in
concentration.

happy birthday, rs.

i miss talking to you. i really miss you. its your 34th.. whatcha gonna do?

i noticed i spend a lot of time looking for truth - the purpose of existence, the reason why we're where we are.

i noticed tisha asher does that too.. she's one weird freak.

what happens when i am in danger of getting too much of a good thing?

i start to lose all perspective.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

"How are you?"
"Fine, thank you. How are you??"

with this empty greeting, we ritually begin each meeting. no wonder often we say nothing at all of any value. do we really tell each other what we really feel - or how we really are? nah. why? because its not really expected of us. no one really truly wants to know that you feel like crap today - you barely got enough sleep; the alarm went off an hour earlier; etc. the request to know how you are is so hollow. but then, so is our reply. how can there be any meaningful communication without a genuine exchange? i know not. to be honest, i'm beginning to grow tired of this pretence. i no longer feel inclined to assume that something is ok when it doesn't look ok.. nor to i feel like putting on a mask which says "hey world! here's the ever-so-happy me!" when, in reality, i feel like shit.

so what am i supposed to do?

uh oh. are we still missing tisha asher?

when the going gets tough.. the tough get going. but when the going gets good, i get nervous.

damn tisha asher. she's always the corny one? yeah tisha asher.

i can feel an incoming bolt from the blue. a thunderbolt? no. much rather like a 'sudden desire to make a bolt for it'. i do expect noise and a vague sense of menace.. but maybe i don't really expect it to signify much. i did discover an open door! and circumstances are conspiring in my favor... so voila! i'm free to do what i've long wanted to do.

smile.

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes, and accidentally lets
out a big fart.

She looked up and said: "Aww So sorry...excuse please, front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud."

some people accuse me of being moody. the fools. what do they know? i'm sure they're the same people who think water is wet or that leaves are green. no imagination. no understanding. i'm not moody. just deep. meaningful. sensitive. keenly responsive to changes in my environment. and do i sometimes take things too seriously? perhaphs. but then, doesn't everybody? one thing i definitely have though, is a good memory. atleast i used to. i forget nothing. i will settle old scores.. return favors.. be a bitch.

tisha asher is one moody bitch.

i guess i'm blessed/cursed with copious amounts of nervous energy. every now and then, i enjoy feeling a little restless and anxious. it does suit my speedy temperament. i must learn to ignore things that bug me - no matter how serious they might get. because i know i'll blow an inner gasket if i don't slow down!

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

why can't i?
who says i can't?
and what do they know anyhow?
if i want to have my cake and eat it too, all i have to do is open a bakery.

i was thinking.. there is a way around every obstacle, if i'm keen enough to find it. my mind speaks of reward and reassurance, and it points out to a resurgence of interest in some old idea, long forgotten. sometimes, i feel negative about situations that once filled me with enthusiasm.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

this week should be far less stressful. lately, i've had a lot on my plate, and most of it has been very difficult to digest. i don't think i'm going to have any less to do - or deal with - but, i might find it easier to get through my workload. ha. well, problems get relatively easy to solve as long as i put in enough time and effort.

jq, hope you feel better soon.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

...

me: oh you're so full of shit.. and you love it!

he: yeah. i cry everytime i take a dump.. the commode washes down a part of me.. with all that water... and that commode burp - it really stinks. but yeah, i lose a minime every time i take a dump.

me: gross. get out of my way, weirdo!

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

here is a prayer i am going to need real soon:

Now I lay me down to study
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty
If I should fail to learn this junk
I pray the Lord I will not flunk
But if I do, don't pity me at all
Just lay my bones in the study hall
Tell my teacher I did my best
Then pile my books upon my chest
Now I lay me down to rest
If I should die before I wake
That's one less test I'll have to take...

he is one lucky bastard!

whoa!

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

often, in life, we misunderstand one another. yes we do share the same language, the same culture, the same lifestyle - even the same family
and
we still manage to miss one another's meaning by a mile! sometimes, this happens because we do not communicate clearly enough. mostly, it happens because we're all too eager to hear what we want to hear regardless of what is actually being said.

trust me.. i know what i'm saying.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

It is one thing to make a fool of yourself - quite another to let someone else make you look foolish.

he: what exactly is a microwave?

me: its what you get when you say farewell to someone with a very small, subtle gesture of your hand! hahaha bruhahahah

he: *sarcasm* has anyone ever told you how clever you are? hopefully you will be so smart that others will not realise quite how clever you are being. :-x

me: yeah! i know.. most times i have this huge brainwave just sweep over me!

at this moment, i feel like that juggler who spins plates on poles while simultaneously twirling flaming torches. hey! its not like i dont enjoy a challenge.. but this definitely is getting a tad bit too much. will things ever get back to normal?
phooey
like i've ever known normality! ha!

i dont feel like putting on a happy face.. neither do i want to frown. maybe i should throw a tantrum.. not that that will make a difference either. i can complain all i want to, dwell on the dark side too.. but i know that i will catch the sunshine and before long.. that damn problem will turn into a memory :)

i cannot hear about the imminent liberation anymore - let more traffic go through the tunnel, let the big hand pass the little hand a few more times, let this happen, let that happen.. aaarrrggghhh!

it can get extremely frustrating.

some people can argue the case for anything - argue that blue is red, that the moon is made of cheese, or that pigs can fly. no matter how persuasive they can get, they can't change reality for sure!

i tend to get caught up in an awful lot of academic discussion.. so i decided that my time is more important and i wont bother too much.

> Internal Revenue Service Theme Song
>

• Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
  
• Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
  
• Tax his crop, Tax his work;
  
• Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;
  
• Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
  
• Teach him taxing is no joke.
  
• Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
  
• Tell him, Taxing is the rule.
  
• Tax his oil, Tax his gas
  
• Tax his notes, Tax his cash
  
• Tax him good and let him know,
  
• That after taxes, he has no dough.
  
• If he hollers, Tax him more;
  
• Tax him till he's good and sore.
  
• Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
  
• Tax his sod in which he's laid.
  
• Put these words upon his tomb,
  
• "Taxes drove him to his doom."
  
• After he's gone, we won't relax.
  
• We'll still collect inheritance tax.
  

sexual stoicity.

Awakening the morning after the orgy, Thor the God of War was stretching sleepily when he noticed a lovely Valkyrie woman standing in the doorway. "Good morning," he said, "I'm Thor." "You're thor?" she replied. "I'm tho thor I can hardly pith."

Confuscious Says:

• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
  
• Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
  
• It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
  
• Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
  
• Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
  
• Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
  
• Man who finger girl having period get caught red-handed.
  
• Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
  
• Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
  
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  
• Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
  
• Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
  
• Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
  
• Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
  

from today onwards, things are going to be different. it was rather as if i'd been trying to operate a machine without an instruction book. i thought i was doing reasonably well.. i did manage to start and stop it, didn't i?
no.
the point is that i've been struggling to make it as efficient as possible.

still i feel positive. because now i have power where before i only had a sense of bewilderment.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

a fault finding spree results in loss of objectivity.

i don't exist.

back in india, a lot of people have a different approach to music.. tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher
many of them begin with the assumption that silence is truly golden. very precious. and any sound that breaks that silence better have meaning. tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher
but out here, in our wild wild west, we just crank up our radios, our hi-fis, our discman, our in-car entertainment systems. and most of the time, we miss out when something vital is being communicated to us. we don't hear it. cuz we have blasting garbage/rush/*your favorite band* deafening our ears. to be able to hear, must we become subtle and sensitive? tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher
of course people! tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
i have to reduce the noise and interference that is eternally demanding the attention of my fucking busy mind! i need to calm down and listen. tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
*ahem* *this rant brought on by my deaf ear not hearing the ambulance and sirens and almost crashing into the cop car*
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher

tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
navel gazing is not as easy as it sounds. and i find it impossible (especially since i'm not an advanced practitioner of yoga hehe). a mirror over my belly button - now that's putting in too much effort for a passive pre-occupation! tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
seriously though, it is very hard to look deep inside myself. i know not how to do that. but if i can't see my own soul, how will i be able to look into the hearts of others? maybe i'm wrong about how much i think i know. maybe i don't know as much as i think i do. but maybe i know enough. and maybe i must learn to trust what is beyond doubt. tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher

some people deliberately choose to live life close to the edge. and others try to keep as far away as possible from points of conflict or challenge. sometimes i love living life dangerously.. and then there are other times when i'm chicken. trying to stay in the middle at all times does not really help.. as this edge has a way of finding me. it follows me. i'm going to put up an inner railing and stay safely behind it.

what say you?

tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
some people have the unerring knack of being in the right place at the right time. others have two left feet. no wonder i can't dance!
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher
tisha asher tisha asher tisha asher

hypocrisy is built right into the human operating system. why couldn't i see that earlier? well, its never too late because i am starting to see through something. i am definitely glad of this.. and i see some humor in it too!

he: "is this glass half empty or half full?"

me: "its fifty percent water and fifty percent air."

he: "what sort of an approach is that?"

me: "a realistic one..?"

he: "you're my lucky ticket into this world.."

me: "why do you say that?"

he: "i read this article on tarot card readings.. and it said that "the Fool" is the most auspicious card in the whole pack..

me: "why?"

he: "because the Fool has no pretensions and no preconceptions. and you are a true fool! HAHAHA"

me: "uh huh. be wary of trying to be too clever. lest you get all those tarot cards pack and bullshit shoved up your ass."

VIRGO
(Aug 24 - Sep 23)

What are you worth? It is not, of course, possible to measure your value in earthly terms. You are priceless. You are precious. To some people on this planet, you mean more than the Moon and the stars. Yet others are blindly unaware of your existence. One particular person now needs to know you. This individual would profit greatly from your acquaintanceship and, it has to be said, vice versa. Before much longer the necessary connection will be made and an interesting new phase of your future will begin.

ah haa! just as poo mentioned. what's with this acquaintance??

come out come out wherever you are..