3.11.2002


nothing to say when i die i would cease to know who i was and is he gone is all our friends say when i was a kid i had this bad bicycle accident i failed to handle a speed bump the earth greeted me by piercing an aluminium rod through my ego there was this deep deep gash in my thigh right down to the bone the pristine white looked so pure against the vividty of the red blood surrounding it this urge to touch that white purity was so overwhelming was it really there in my 22 years i can never say with false pride that i have touched that pristine white can you proclaim your achievement can you tell me something i dont know i have been living with these bones feeling them move within me feeling chills down to the bone how weird is it that i have never felt them never felt my own bones i wonder if they don't turn into something once the wound is closed is that pristine white just a disguise for something more daunting color from my face bleeds onto my pillow how weird is that he came he saw he wandered he touched he caressed he hugged all with his eyes looking so forlorn wanting more than i can offer / all i can offer is four walls a floor a ceiling i knew i am still here lost in raw white space why cant they see how pretending ignorance innocence kneads my cells to a pulp happiness is a highly overrated phenomenon i have no more to give i have no more to ask the heart drowning in cocktails of stagnating norms dreading life and living yearning to reach out wanting to dial out to the world of desire throbs and thrusts

32 minutes of thinking 44 seconds of blinking beads of perspiration threaded by my soul hours and hours of mourning

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