i dont particularly enjoy being stretched. only though, when circumstances push me to my limit will i find where my actual limits lie. and amazingly, at such times i realize that i'm capable of much more that i thought. i am being placed under pressure. but i also feel i'm on the threshold of achieving something great (in my books). i wont stop complaining.. but i will not resent the situation i'm in.

i live on Earth: a planet notorious for its inconsistent inhabitants and its demanding environments.

i just told myself: "foolmaker, breathe out."

there. that does feel better! How long have i been holding all that inside myself? weeks? no. years! without realising it i have been hanging on, not just to my breath but to whatever i use as a source of support. i have not felt fully safe to relax. times have been tense and, whilst i try to cope well, my knuckles have been starting to show the strain. i feel i have to keep steeling myself against some dreadful disaster.

all too often, i tend to forget how magical life is... get caught up in confusion and consternation, anger and anxiety, fear and frustration.. find myself continually dealing with sources of stress and aggravation and, in my attempts to cope with these i find i become ever more embroiled in a series of far-fetched escape plans. now these in turn - or the consequences of them - places me under even more pressure.
and the fucking vicious cycle continues.

there is something that i badly want. so far at least, the possibility of me getting that is highly unlikely. and this friggin thing is causing me to feel not so much frustrated, as insecure. for a while, i was quite sure i was on the right track pursuing the right objective for the right reason, then it all started to go wrong.
now, i am trying to understand why.
have i made some monumental mistake? should i rethink all my goals and plans?

i know not what to do.

sometimes, no matter how hard i try to make things happen, my efforts are thwarted. circumstances seemingly conspire to prevent me from making progress. people become un-cooperative. "reasons why not" emerge at every turn. then sometimes, for no apparent reason, these obstacles evaporate, and suddenly it seems as if anything and everything is possible.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

it is time to draw a line. a drama has been dragging on for too long. its seems as though a question mark has been hanging over my future.. feel as though i've been unable to make proper progress without some idea of an answer. i may not be able to resolve everything but i atleast have the opportunity to stabilise my situation and to set in motion a plan which will at least bring progress of a kind. i do try to forget about whatever is bugging/bothering me. i hope that if i now leave it alone - it will reciprocate!

Some days are better when viewed upside down.

Stress - the condition brought about by having to resist the temptation to beat the living daylights out of someone who richly deserves it.

oye vey my horrorscope for today!

For too long now you have been prevented from doing what you really wanted to by the expectations of those close to you. Family links can be a wonderful support and anchor, but they can also be a ball and chain, and often unintentionally so. That seems to be the case now. You have been held still for too long; the water signs need to flow, as water itself does, and water that is kept still for too long becomes stagnant. It is time for you to break free. It is time for you, too, to say which role you want to play, instead of taking the roles other people place on you. As your ruler Jupiter gains in power and confidence this week, then so should you.

here's the advice i get from someone as dumb as Steve-O:

There comes a point in any relationship when you realise that it has gone beyond mere friendship and become something else. If you are free to take it further, then this is an exciting moment; if you are not, then you have problems, because once this point is reached neither of you can simply walk away. The glue that stuck you together has dried, and it is impossible to pull the pieces apart without damaging them.

well, he's not as dumb as i thought he was. a bit on steve - he's one of my two best friends (the second being josh). steve's the jock.. the crazy asshole.. the prick. thinks he's god's gift to women (cuz he's the oh-so-cute blond hair blue eyed lover boy) but i still love him. and oh yeah, he's smart too. studies chemical engineering.

josh - now he's the quiet shy kinda guy. super smart (astrophysics and aeronautical engineering at stanford), way tooo sexy.. we'll be seeing him in ambercrombie and fitch ads! damn.

actually those are just two lines.. if i did tell everything i felt about having them in my life.. i'd use up the entire webspace.

yo guys, if you do read this.. just know i love you both a lot!

if there's one thing i hate its being told what to do. maybe part of the problem has been that i've always been given too much freedom.

i am a prisoner of my emotions, my needs and my fears.

i need to sit back and think a little.. i still know what i want to do - its just that circumstances that i'm in have changed somewhat.. and it might not be possible to get to where i want to be from where i am.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

you know how it is when you accidentally close a door much harder than you intended to, and the noise makes everyone look round at you? right now, i kind of feel like that. the force and the suddenness with which things are happening have taken me by surprise. lately, i've been in a phase where things are vague and undecided, maybe this sharp break is a good thing.

here's what someone told me about me today:

You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.

ok. most of it is bullshit.. except for the part where it says i'm a great flirt! ;)

The Weakest Link

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four questions to determine the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or
wasting time. And no cheating.

1: You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner lying in second place. In which position are you now?





Answer: If you answered that you're now coming first then you’re completely wrong. You overtook the second runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the next question try not to be so dim. :-p

2 : If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?




Answer: If you answered second-last, once again you're completely wrong. Think about it...How can you over take the person coming last? If you're behind them then they can't be last. The answer is impossible!! It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points. You would make a good weak link!!!


Anyway, here's another to try, don't take any notes or use a calculator, and remember your replies must be instantaneous. Take heart!! (that was the dictionary's suggestion)


3 : Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000. Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20. Plus 1000. And plus 10.What is the total ?



Answer: 5000??? Wrong again!!!! The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a good calculator. Today is clearly not your day!! Although you should manage to get the
last question right..



4: : Marie's father has five daughters: 1. Chacha 2. Cheche 3. Chichi 4. Chocho 5. ???? Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?



Think quickly...you'll find the answer below...



Answer: Chuchu??? WRONG! It's obviously Marie! Read the question properly!

You are clearly the weakest link....GOODBYE

joke of the day

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his trousers. A woman comes up to him and says, "What are you supposed to be?"

The man says, "A premature ejaculator."

"What?" says the woman.

The man says, "I've just come in my pants."

have i gone to far? have i bitten off more than i can chew? maybe i started something i cannot stop? perhaps. but does it really matter? nah. it doesn't matter. there is a way round every problem i face.. i could have an enjoyable week.. or i could spend days feeling silly and sorry for myself. it depends not on how positive i feel.. but how conscious i feel.

Opposites Attract

.. applies only to magnets. where people are concerned, i say that there must be enough similarities for the relationship to work.

what say ya?

random:

He who wants by the yard, but tries by the inch, should be kicked by the foot.

When a guy in a bar tries to pick you up: "I already have one asshole in my pants, why would I want two?"

"Be nice to nerds, because the chances are you'll be working for one."

What is your malfunction? Do you have a mute button?
Have you just recently fallen out of the stupid tree?
By the way, what do you think of the human race? We'd like an
outsider's opinion.
Are you new here, or do you always have that confused look on your face?
Did you eat paint chips as a child?
Why are you still here?
What alternate universe are you living in?
Were you born stupid, or are you just practicing right now"?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

there is an image that i just can't get out of my head: a picture that keeps painting itself on the canvas of my imagination. it's half tantalising, half terrifying. i don't even know whether to stare or close myeyes and hope that it will go away. now it preoccupies me even more. i feel that nothing can be resolved in my damned chaotic life until i've fully explored my dream. if it does turn out to be a nightmare, i must teach myself to wake up from it. and if it shows up as a truly inspiring vision, i hope i can see the magic in it.

i don't know what i'm seeing.. i may take a while.. but i hope i'll be comfortable with it when it finally does make sense.

24 things I like in a man:

1. Abstractness
   
2. Charm
   
3. Common Sense
   
4. Compassion
   
5. Decisiveness
   
6. Etiquette
   
7. Genuineness
   
8. Honesty
   
9. Humility
   
10. Independence
    
11. Intelligence
    
12. Love
    
13. Maturity
    
14. Modesty
    
15. Power
    
16. Practicality
    
17. Responsibility
    
18. a touch of Romance
    
19. Self-confidence
    
20. Sex appeal
    
21. Shrewdness
    
22. Sophistication
    
23. Spontaneity
    
24. Strength

am i kind considerate and caring? or am i , just possibly, a benign dictator? a well-intentioned despot? a magnanimous control freak? might i occasionally find myself going too far in my effort to make everything all right for everyone? could it be that i manipulate certain processes - even though it might be wiser to leave them alone?

do i even exist?

people say that it is not what you know that counts, so much as who you know.

but sometimes, what matters is who - or what you don't know. silence is golden, ignorance is bliss. when ostriches bury their heads in the sand, it stops the wind from whistling round their ears and ensures that if they must encounter something awkward, they meet it with the part of their anatomy most capable of cushioning them from an impact.

well, kind of.

i am not trying to cover my eyes.. but i do think that it may profit me to avert them at times. and i definitely don't want to get involved with a drama unless i have to.

i am quite sensitive. usually though, i do my best to disguise this. i come across as confident, strong, self-assured. if something within me is wobbling, i fence off the area and produce a clever, counter-wobble so that nobody else can see. none of this though, detracts from the intensity of my emotional experience - or the validity of it. right now, i simply cannot hide what i feel - nor should i. i am having a reaction to something or someone. i am all fired up and i cannot extinguish the flame that is starting to burn so brightly in my heart. i must feed it, let it be bright, it is right.

the things i'd really like to say...

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard
to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
in public.

I'm really easy to get along with once you see it my way.

I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

It sounds like English but I can't understand a word
you're saying.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're
an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

This isn't an office. This is hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done!

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

whoa!

two asses and a bum

China has more English speakers than the United States.

how interesting. just because you're from a non-english speakin country doesn't mean you can't talk the language! people assume i was born and raised in this country just because i have a good command over the language. but no. i just came here 5 years ago. sometimes it offends me.. but now i just ignore them.. its called "frog in the well" syndrome! heheheh

A child's perspective on adult behavior...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out
later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER
by then. --Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married. --Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen
long enough. --Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
columns. --Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. --Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that. --Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she loooks pretty even if she looks like a truck. --

Tomorrow is Friday...YES...

RESPOND: Feedback@humornetwork.com
A child's perspective on adult behavior...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out
later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER
by then. --Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married. --Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen
long enough. --Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
columns. --Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. --Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that. --Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she loooks pretty even if she looks like a truck.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

- Woody Allen

What's grosser than gross?
-- Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.

What's even grosser than that?
-- When one of them throws up.

When jealous I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself to be the subject of a banality: I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common.

-- roland barthes

i'm off on a new adventure.
riding the wings of time.
with me
i carry
nothing but
...

sigh.

words sure do appear disappear reappear
just like sand dunes
that first prove a fight
then cloud my eyes
then lay a whole new path in front of me.

words!

i was just thinking..within every human heart there exists a permanent, broadband link to the universe. if only we were to look within, openly and sincerely, we'd find the solution to any problem... or, at least, a glimpse that will lead us to such a solution. one of the things i constantly learn in class is that technology is getting smarter by the day... and that there might start this mass dehumanization of jobs etc.. technology may be smart but nature is smarter!

and what i did today was.. to just download a little wisdom from the wonderful well within.

it does work!

(maybe i'm freaking out!)

as i grow, i seem to get even more enamoured by a certain kind of sensuality i evoke in my mind. it's like having 'demolition man' style sex. it's all in the mind. thats just about the most shocking thing - your mind's in control.

accept it.

we're all weird
in our own wanton ways.

>my dreams are lost.

are they then again?
or have they just moved?

>
> > i have yet to learn how to live.
>
> you cant learn to live...

perhaps not.... but i would atleast know that i cannot learn to live... i
havent learned that yet.

its like when one starts building walls brick by brick... eventually you
figure out if you were building the wall to keep everyone out or keep
yourself in...

either way, you gotta learn

and I woke up
walked out.. for the first time the sand hurt.

-----------the moon looked sad.
----as it sunk .. closer to the horizon.

was the moon drowning in his own tears?
( i felt sad.
--I remembered something
--then felt a tear

------I felt lost.

--and I'm still waiting..

Thought for the day:

just think about how many words and phrases we have to cover that grey area in between absolutely and never. is it because some of us are such indecisive individuals? or are we too painfully polite?

eureka!

that's it. all i have to do is connect the red wire with the blue terminal while bypassing the capacitor and arranging for other components to be kept in a state of organic flux. well, i can easily do that as long as i discombobulate the sneg before i attach it to the transmogrifier.

(don't worry. even i don't know what i'm saying.)

well, the answer was right in front of my face all the while.. and i couldn't see it. damn! i must be really blind. now i have a plan that i actually believe in.

neat.

celibacy

NOUN:
1. Abstinence from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows.
2. The condition of being unmarried.