i just told myself: "foolmaker, breathe out."

there. that does feel better! How long have i been holding all that inside myself? weeks? no. years! without realising it i have been hanging on, not just to my breath but to whatever i use as a source of support. i have not felt fully safe to relax. times have been tense and, whilst i try to cope well, my knuckles have been starting to show the strain. i feel i have to keep steeling myself against some dreadful disaster.