Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

A: Tear gas!

birdie poem :

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

joke of the day:

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat.

Now he's President of the United States."

often used words at my workplace:

• okey-dokey
• loosey-goosey

arrgh!

something new i learned today:

a thumbs up sign is an ancient phallic symbol for masculine virility.

my office is a fucking particle accelerator!

people running around in circles close to the speed of light..

and, like atoms, they're bound to collide at some point!

maybe i need a butler, a maid, a secretary, a cook, a cleaner, a gardener, a valet and a chauffeur.

maybe if i had a whole set of household staff, i'd be able to remember all i'm supposed to remember and to forget all that i'd like to forget.

maybe i need to become rich and then do some serious hiring.

Nous sommes desoles que notre president soit un idiot. Nous n'avons pas vote pour lui.

translation:

We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We did not vote for him.

read more..

heh.

my lil family:

ari
ari and ishu
ishu and ari
mia
mia again!
ishu feeding her babies

i wonder if i truly seek change on a previously unparalleled scale?

and do i really want to set off into the great unknown, to take my chances with fate and to forget so much that i've given time and energy to in the past?

or maybe i'm just feeling this way because something now is really difficult to accept or make sense of..


i'm just confused as usual.

each passing day is giving me further food for thought.

my mental digestive system is beginning to get overloaded!

my ambitions are neither moderate nor modest.

and that's part of the reason why i feel so.. flummoxed.

i can't really see myself getting what i want. yet i can neither see myself settling for anything less. and this is not a desirable position to be in at anytime!

maybe i should decide to go for the golden goal, come hell or high water. or maybe i should aim for the silver or the bronze and decide that this is a medal i can take real pride in wearing.

first, do a search for "miserable failure" on google.

then, check this link out.

my cat, ishu, is a mom now! she gave birth to 3 kittens over a period of 18 hours yesterday. unfortunately, only two survived. the last one didn't make it. i tried everything i could.. i couldn't stop crying for 4 hours. :(

but the mom and the two kittens are doing just fine. healthy and happy. just the way i want them to be. and both the kittens have syd's facial structure!

for those who didn't know:

ishu is half siamese. very aggressive. and daddy's lil girl.
syd is orange persian with a not-so-smooshy nose. and he's my lil boy.

and their kids are very very interesting. its too early to tell but i think they're going to look like syd with ishu's coloring.

gmail rocks!

whoo hoo!

i just got my gmail account! and i'm fuckin' excited about the 1000 MB!

scientists say that a black hole in space is a gaping abyss: a swirling vortex that will absorb and annihilate all who fall in.

i see these astronomical anomalies as portals: doorways between dimensions.

and no. i'm not stoned outta my mind.

here are some entries from the rejected ipod engravings list:

• Scratch your balls, not my metal.
  
• 10,000 Stolen Tunes Inside
  
• "One time at band camp..."
  
• This iPod makes up for my small hard disk.
  
• I last 8 hrs. You last 2 minutes. Who's the man?
  
• My iPod can beat up your honor roll student
  
• Lick My Shiny Metal Ass
  
• I play with myself.
  
• Steal this? Will self destruct when used.
  

useless information:

according to research, los angeles highways are so congested that the average commuter sits in traffic for 82 hrs a year.

morality is a very personal thing.

i have my ethical standards and my lines that i do not want to cross. what i consider acceptable, you may see as unthinkable. and really, there's rarely a problem with this as long as you and i are honest about where the boundaries lie.

trouble ensues when either of us is being disingenuous or doubtful.

if i don't know where i stand, how can i do anything but stumble?

this subservient chicken provided me with hours of entertainment at work today.

try asking him to:

rock the casbah
scratch his ass

heh.

he: hey

me: hey

he: if you stop, and just listen

he: to all the typing,

he: it sounds like rain ;-)

he: its really weird

he: i remember when i was a kid at school,

he: i would stop and listen to all the people talking at the same time

he: and get really frightened

me: this is so weird!

he: yeah!

he: ITS SO WEIRD

me: its creepy!

he: it frightens me

me: aww. do you need a hug? :-P

he: yeah. i do.

me: you're crazy

fuck you and you and you.

this world sucks. i'm off to my own world.

i've been banging on the window, hammering on the door. shouting, yelling, ringing the bell. i want to be let in.and i definitely want access to forbidden territory. i want that damn barrier to come down so i can feel free to move on. and i will not rest until i've tried every trick in the book – plus a few more they never got around to writing down.

i don't just want the earth..

i want the sun, the moon and the stars.

now why would i be pissed, harris?

i've noticed that when i get too set in my ways, i lose flexibility and somehow grow old before my time.

i forget to have fun.

i wind up with too much to protect and defend. i know that i compromise myself by being too willing to adapt, but there has to be a happy medium.

right now, i'm hanging on to the memory of an experience that made a big impression on me in the past.

but what i just realized,

that was then, this is now!
and now is way better than then.

you bet!

In fact, for six weeks, he had been drinking up to 10 cups of Starbucks coffee daily.

That is a lot of caffeine, considering that each large cup contains on average about 375 milligrams, according to a 2003 study of caffeinated coffee published in The Journal of Analytical Toxicology. With 10 cups a day, Adam was turbocharged with nearly four grams of caffeine.

i try to forget the way things used to be.

i know i shouldn't pine for the past that, actually, i'm only recalling with a few selective memories. maybe i'm forgetting the downside. maybe i'm glamorizing the good and overlooking the not-so-great.

i wonder if that's why i feel apprehensive?

i feel like my future's an ocean of doubt punctuated by the occasional, yet unappealing, difficulty.

but i have sailed across such seas in the past.

is it ever wise to trust others?

some would say not.

they argue that, whenever i do this, sooner or later, i'm bound to become disappointed.

but what other alternative do i have? must i live under a constant cloud of suspicion?

i have to give people the benefit of the doubt as much as i can. my sanity suffers too much if i don't.

as j says, "sometimes, its much better to trust, even if there's a risk that you may be wrong to do so, than to be painfully guarded and nervous."

dogs can't bark and bite at the same time.

to bark, they have to open their mouth.
to bite, they have to close it.

the barking dogs in my world are comparatively safe.

it's those fucking silent ones i need to watch.

there are several ways to travel between New York and Sydney.

i can go by air or i can go by sea.
i can take the most direct route or i can meander.
i can even, if i want, trace a complex route that doubles back on itself several times and takes in several wild diversions.

but here's what i can't do:
i can't just sit on a bench in Central Park and wish myself to Sydney.

sometimes i feel that my life is like trying to run up a down escalator.

it takes me all my effort and energy to just stay in one place.

the trouble with being a perpetual teenager, is that the older i get, the less other people feel inclined to believe that, somewhere, deep down within, i'm still just 17. They mistake my mixture of petulant excitability for cantankerous authoritarianism. and i, meanwhile, continue to see myself as a rebel even while performing extremely responsible tasks.

avast!

i *will* talk like a pirate on september 19th..

heh.

< tumse milke dil ka hai jo haal >

ipod repeat mode.

makes me wanna take a dump everytime i hear it.

don't ask.