par·a·dox
n.
A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true.

but situations can be every bit as paradoxical as statements. when faced with such circumstances, i either try to square the circle or i simply shrug my shoulders. its easier to ignore a paradox than try and understand one. is this because life itself is a paradox?

a no-win situation.

if someone asks me a personal question and i refuse to answer, i'm accused of having something to hide. but if i volunteer the information before the question's asked, i'm accused of showing off.

what can i do?

birthday wishes go out to cyn and joey :)

why do people love to criticise each other?

given half a chance, they list the many faults that they perceive in the people around them. most of them prefer to say things behind one another’s backs. a lot of times, even though we rarely get to hear all that others think of us, we can sense disapproval in a look - or a tone of voice.

i'm conscious of the judgements that are being made of me.. and that i'm making of others. i wonder if i'm just allowing myself to be intimidated or if i'm becoming overly keen to prove some kind of point to my critics?

i know what i'm going to do.. i'm going to relax and do what comes naturally to me. and i'm not going to pay any attention to opinions that are based on theory rather than experience.

now that i've got that thorn out of my brain.. i can sleep. and sleep i must. its 5:50am.

me: if its not one thing, its another!

he: surely this doesn't come as a surprise to you.. its always been this way.

me: guess so.. the world's full of people who just can't leave well alone.

he: and for some strange reason, they all seem to have your number :-p

me: oh how easy life would've been if i didn't have to deal with such idiots..

he: yet how much more boring too.. my dear friend, exasperating situations make life more interesting.

me: hmm.. i wonder - does chaos really have a purpose? does stupidity sometimes lead to serendipity?

he: you'll find your answers if you dont go looking for them.. know what i mean?

where were you before you came here?
where will you go when you leave?
many insist that this is it. and there is no more.
many others envisage a complicated arrangement involving destinations ranging from the deeply desirable to the truly terrible.

a friend said that we will be judged according to how well we have followed various rules or moral principles. i find this a baffling belief. i presume that the supreme creator has supreme understanding. how then, can He,She, or It, be so petty as to sit around keeping scores and passing judgements?

and according to the same friend,

i'm going to hell.

i am, but a tourist, in this world. i marvel and tremble, all at the same time. and i'm taking mental pictures of everything i see, hear and understand because i hope that i may relive this journey when i return to my world.

'Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.'

six years ago, on august 26th, i stepped foot in this country. and this is what my best friend sang for me:

Now that I've lost everything to you,
you say you want to start something new,
and it's breaking my heart you're leaving,
baby I'm grieving.

But if you wanna leave take good care,
hope you have a lot of nice things to wear,
but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
it's hard to get by just upon a smile.
Oh baby baby it's a wild world.

I'll always remember you like a child, girl.
You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do,
and it's breaking my heart in two,
cause I never want to see you sad girl,
don't be a bad girl,
but if you want to leave take good care,
hope you make a lot of nice friends out there,
but just remember there's a lot of bad and beware,
beware,

Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
it's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl.

Baby I love you, but if you wanna leave take good care,
hope you make a lot of nice friends out there,
but just remember there's a lot of bad,
and beware, beware,

oh baby baby it's a wild world,
it's hard to get by just upon a smile.
Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl.

--Wild World by Cat Stevens

isn’t hindsight wonderful?

it lets me see all sorts of things that i shouldn't have done, but did do. and do i ever learn from it? nah. not really. i just go on and make the same mistakes all over again hoping that it'll turn out better next time. ah! now i see.

the keyword here is hope.

i
want some
sake
in a wooden cup.

what do you want?

my heart keeps picking up feelings that i have not experienced for a while
and it is trying them on for size
and i allow this to continue
which leaves me feeling drained
but my heart has a purpose
it wants me to acknowledge my appreciation for all that is good in my world
it wants me to think about how much effort i so often go to on behalf of my problems
why must the negative factors in my life demand the bulk of my time and energy

then sometimes when i am fast asleep
i have a dream that is so vivid
it makes me feel sure i am wide awake
i can even see myself
in the dream
sitting up and saying
"thank god i am awake. what an odd dream that was"
or i may dream that i am pinching myself to see if i am dreaming
and scary part is that i can actually feel that pinch in the dream
so am i dreaming
or are they genuine
go for a run
have a hot drink
i must do whatever i need to reassure myself
then relax
though life right now may be reminiscent of some strange fantasy
it is real
and also
more importantly
it is good.

want an exciting monday? why dont you drive out of the city with a pair of binoculars or a telescope and watch Mars at its best!

some random facts about Mars:

• Did you know that liquid water does not currently occur on Mars because of the cold temperatures and low atmospheric pressures. Only water ice and water gas (vapor) are stable. However, large channels on Mars appear to have been cut by outflows of liquid water during Mars' distant past which may have had warmer temperatures and a much thicker atmosphere.
  
  
• The largest canyon system in the Solar System is Valles Marineris on Mars. It is more than 3000 miles long and so would stretch from California to New York. In some places it reaches 3 miles in depth and 200 miles in width.
  
  
• Mars' surface area is approximately the same as the surface area of all the land (as opposed to water) on Earth. So, even though Mars is a smaller planet, studying its surface is just as large a task as studying all of Earth's land surfaces.
  
  
• Mars has two large-scale geologic regions (in addition to many smaller geologic variations within both regions). The "Southern Highlands," which cover a little more than half of Mars' surface, are composed of old (at least 3.9 billion years) densely cratered terrain. The "Northern Plains" have lower and more variable crater densities, indicating that the plains are younger and formed over a much longer period of time. The cause of this Martian geologic dichotomy is not yet agreed upon.
  
  
• The gravitational force at the surface of Mars is only about one-third as strong as the gravitational force at the surface of the Earth.
  
  
• Many of the larger rocks at the Viking Lander sites on Mars were given names. These included Toad, Badger, and Guppy, all of which were named because of some resemblance to those creatures, as well as ones named for all seven dwarfs, and the largest of the rocks near the landers was named Big Joe.
  
  
• At its closest approach to Earth, Mars appears about as big as a tennis ball viewed from a distance of one and a half miles (two and a quarter kilometers).
  
  
• The main constituent of the Martian atmosphere, carbon dioxide, actually freezes n the surface during the winter, particularly in the polar regions. This can cause global atmoshperic pressure changes. On Earth, water freezes out, but is a minor constituent in the atmosphere.
  

a world without men.

but do i really have to wait that long?

here's an excerpt from the article:

August 24, 2003 -- Bad news, guys. Your kind has just 125,000 years to live.
That's the dire prediction of a British academic who argues a female-only world is a distinct possibility.

While urban men are increasingly being classified as feminized "metrosexuals" - happy to be high-maintenance, manicured fellows who worry about their hair - that's not the reason men face extinction, the scientist says.

Man's demise will be caused by science - genetics, to be specific.

The problem is that the Y chromosome - the one that makes a baby a male - is "decaying" at an alarming rate, says Bryan Sykes, professor of human genetics at Oxford University.

Unlike the female X chromosome, which has a "twin" and can repair itself and minimize bad mutations, the male's solo Y chromosome keeps accumulating problems as it advances through evolution, Sykes contends in his new book, "Adam's Curse."

i've got a school girl crush (after a long time). just one look at this guy gives me the O.

i am so very disappointed with MC Hammer's decision tonight. All That should've clearly won the competition based on their talent, skills, and technique. Instead Mr. Hammer chose Live in Color - the dancers! so clogging isn't a form of dance? i wonder what Mr. Hammer was thinking!? i'm still in a state of shock because i was sure All That would win. they were such good dancers. as for Carmen, well her job was to judge the presentation.. and that's exactly what she did.

but people! this is DANCE FEVER. not a costume party!

Jamie King was the only judge with a clear eyesight. Carmen (with all that eye makeup) and MC Hammer (with those sidey shades) couldn't pick the true dancers!

*huff*

Dance Fever is definitely my favorite show!

Sammy Davis, Jr. - Something's Gotta Give

When an irresistible force
Such as you.
Meets an old immovable object like me.
You can bet as sure as you live.
Something gotta give
Something gotta give
Something gotta give.

When an irrepressible smile
Such as yours.
Warms an old implacable heart
Such as mine.
Don't say no.
Because I insist.
Somewhere, Somehow, Someone's gonna be kissed.

So on guard.
Who knows what the faiths have in store.
From there fast mysterious sky.
I'll try hard ignoring those lips I adore.
But how long can anyone try.

Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight.
Fight it with all of our might.
Chances are some heavenly star spangled night.
You'll find out
As sure as we live.
Something's really got to give.

*blush*

i've added a new block to the left nav bar - Random Astro Facts

i'll update it daily with facts from NASA, my text books from school, scientific papers, etc. this should be interesting. and the reason i started this is i realized that many people don't know jack shit about our own solar system, like what's the farthest planet from the sun? and that frankly scared the bejezus out of me!

so have fun with the facts :)

i heard someone say today "i try to better things 'cause i'm scared of the growing competetion around me". i poked around for the rest of the day, to find a lot of people agreeing to this panacea. is it the fear of competetion in the workplace, in art or even at home, that makes people want to better their acts? whatever happened to the rather rundown principle of trying to do better things to to satisfy something within?

< via harris >

Syd


Ishu

a new fad:

blame text messages for crappy movies.

Marine charges breast implants to Pentagon credit card. more..

hmm.. maybe i could do that too :) well not the implants, but the car and motorcycle for sure.

why are we humans suspicious of life's pleasures? for some strange reason, we tend to work on the 'medicine principle'. if something's hard to take, it must be good for us. but if its reasonable sweet and fulfilling, we guess we'll probably live to regret our involvment with it.

we humans are weird.

Golden Anniversary

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been known about the town, and on this very special
occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well"...explained the husband..."it
all goes all the way back to our honeymoon, you see, we visited the Grand Canyon and we took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."

He continues..."well now, we hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled, she quietly said...that’s once." "We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again and my wife quietly spoke...that’s twice."

"You know, that mule hadn’t gone a half-mile when it stumbled a third time."

My wife promptly removed a gun from her purse, hopped off the beast, and shot the mule dead."

"I protested over her treatment of the mule, she slowly turned to me and quietly said...that’s once."

my horoscope for the weekend:

Virgo

Some folk are infuriatingly reasonable. When offered an explanation, they listen and accept gracefully. When faced with a source of frustration or antagonism, they summon patience and wisdom. They rise to the challenge and overcome the obstacle. Others are more reassuringly irascible. They refuse to make an allowance for logic. When they encounter a difficulty, they just blow a fuse! How superhuman do you want to be this weekend? If it suits you to be philosophical, fine. But if you want to explode, feel free.

i've already exploded and its not even friday.

"you don't know what's possible until you try."

actually, you don't know what's possible until you try, try and try again. i see so many people who're quick to give up on their dreams. they have ideas and they do make some effort to turn them into reality. and then comes along a challenge and they give up. most excuses are "i don't want to feel embarrassed" or " i fear others will laugh at me for trying to achieve the impossible" or "maybe it makes more sense to stick with what i already know".

there are so many reasons to abandon dreams..

me: bitch bitch moan bitch moan moan groan

he: why not send me your info.. so i could publish it in a newspaper - "martyr/agony aunt available.".

h a p p y b i r t h d a y, mw.

thank you for the wonderful times we've shared over the past 2 years. i just wanted to wish you all the happiness you bring to me.

s m i l e

s m i l e	close comfort heart crashes walls uprooted and thrown around minds spinning day fleeting feelings sought, failings down skin touches the air singed roars of summer washed over by silence wind in my face curls sway on his the sun looked out spying on stolen kisses

ever think how much energy that coyote wasted? year after year, he chased Roadrunner up and down the mountain. he set traps, moved signposts, dug holes, wore disguises and employed expensive explosive. yet no matter what he did, that Roadrunner kept on running.

beep! beep!

a trip to denver sounds interesting..

i wonder what's the best thing its got to offer?

someone once told me, "if you seek success, its not what you know but who you know that makes the difference."

i think that statement is a gross oversimplification.

actually, it all comes down to what you know about who you know and what who-you-know knows about you. its probably helpful if who-you-know doesn't know about you-know-who, although tha tmay not be so bad if who-you-know doesn't know what you know about them.

confused?

you should be.

its strange how sometimes, familiar things can suddenly seem very strange to me. i used think that i really know a place, a person, a subject or a situation. then, something happens to alter my perception. after this, i can never see things in quite the same way again. i've been through quite a journey of discovery - and rediscovery - lately. and i'm still going down that road.

there could be fairies in my garden. native north american spirit guides on my shoulder. even leprechauns in my kitchen drawer. there really could be. who am i (or you) to say they don't exist?

i know i live in a world of infinite possibilities. when we narrow our minds, we rob ourselves of our most precious possession - the ability to dream.

i've got a new found interest in Russian History and the Politburo.

She gave it all up for the love of a man who could never be hers and yet feels enriched with the legacy of loving him.

i am a misanthrope.

sometimes, in a polite conversation, one person will go ahead and say, out loud, what everyone else is secretly thinking. there’s usually an awkward silence followed by an attempt to pretend that nothing has happened and carry on as normal.

i wonder if there really is a time and place for the truth...

kournikova's next job.

drip, drip, drip

the noise of stagnant water, falling from the roof of my dungeon.

like some garish theme park, the world outside is full of bright lights and tempting propositions. take this ride. eat this food. play this game. use this phone. the billboards scream out to me.

is there a point pretending that things are ideal - well almost ideal? will a little tweak, here and there, in some slightly flawed scenery, really sort things out? sacrifice blood, sweat, tears wouldn't help either, would it?

and i am known for my perspicacity. nothing (supposedly) escapes my evil eye. but do i really care?

i don't.

so i'm going back to where i belong. my little coffin in my little dungeon where the noise of stagnant water falling from the roof goes

drip, drip, drip

today's been the worst day of my life in 4 years. everything that could go wrong did go wrong.