my heart keeps picking up feelings that i have not experienced for a while
and it is trying them on for size
and i allow this to continue
which leaves me feeling drained
but my heart has a purpose
it wants me to acknowledge my appreciation for all that is good in my world
it wants me to think about how much effort i so often go to on behalf of my problems
why must the negative factors in my life demand the bulk of my time and energy

then sometimes when i am fast asleep
i have a dream that is so vivid
it makes me feel sure i am wide awake
i can even see myself
in the dream
sitting up and saying
"thank god i am awake. what an odd dream that was"
or i may dream that i am pinching myself to see if i am dreaming
and scary part is that i can actually feel that pinch in the dream
so am i dreaming
or are they genuine
go for a run
have a hot drink
i must do whatever i need to reassure myself
then relax
though life right now may be reminiscent of some strange fantasy
it is real
and also
more importantly
it is good.