foolmaker: December 2002

why dwell on painful memories? and why worry about what i cannot alter? if i do want my future to be all that it can be, i need to stop giving so much energy to the past. its not really a resolution i need in my life - its a revolution!

have a safe new year everybody.

the long holiday has given me a chance to reflect.. there's been enough time for me to think about what i'm doing with my life, where i'm going.. and who with. so what conclusions have i reached? well, i appear to have decided that i need new batteries for the remote control, the sofa is not as comfortable as it used to be.. and i need to go on a diet!

those damned holiday pounds.

if this is supposed to be the holiday season, why is everyone so tired, stressed and genuinely in need of a holiday?

often, around this time of the year, i become overwhelmed with the urge to pack up my belongings in a red-spotted handkerchief, tie them to the end of a stick and go walking off into the distance. this wanderlust is healthy. it might've be even healthier if i had actually acted on it these past few years! but i rarely got that chance. the yearning to run is invariably accompanied by a vivid reminder of the responsibilities i just can't abandon and the duties i must uphold. at this moment in time, even if i can't escape from it all, i can surely escape from some of it!

and the offer is too seductive.. so i'm off to california :)

Interesting Study:

Three Ontario Universities were commissioned by the government to discover why the human penis is the shaped the way it is.

U of T allocated a budget of $500,000 for research. After 2 years they concluded that the reason the head of the penis is wider than the shaft is that it fits better, when in situ, so to speak. This would prevent leakage of semen and increase the probability of successful fertilization.

McMaster University spent $750,000 on a research program that lasted 3 years. The results showed that the penis widened near the tip because it maximized the number of nerve endings stimulated during sex. This would lead to increased sensitivity and a better chance of impregnation.

Finally, York University spent $2.50 on a copy of Playboy and 10 minutes in the staff toilet, only to discover that the penis widens at the tip in order to prevent your hand from slipping off the end.

me: *grumpy* i feel so lonely this season. the only thing that brings a smile on my face is this snow.

he: you have a remarkable talent for going unnoticed – even when the eyes of the world are on you! somehow, you can make yourself all but invisible – or you can reflect back the attention others are giving you, so that they become more conscious of themselves than of you.

me: hey that's not true!.. umm. well i dont like too much attention anyways.

he: isn't this disadvantageous? doesn't this mean you end up getting inadvertently ignored or overlooked when you really ought to be making sure your voice is heard?

me: but this ability to be calm, quiet and discreet is what's making me have a truly successful Christmas.

finally, a white christmas! i've been waiting too long for this :) 4 inches of snow so far.. and hopefully many more to fall throughout the night. i'm going to be one happy bird tomorrow morning.

smile.. the whole world's celebrating your birthday :)

people can't resist telling other people how to live their lives. i guess it's much easier to criticize someone else than to acknowledge one's own mistakes. and i've definitely noticed its much easier to give advice than to take it. now that's why there are so many experts in this world! all of us want to be experts – and we definitely want to consult experts!

but what do true experts know? only uncertainty is certain.

my forecast for the coming week:

You seem at last to have found the perfect balance between your work and your personal life. Maybe you have found someone who is prepared to put up with your workaholic tendencies, or maybe you have fallen for someone so gorgeous that you have forgotten all about your work and about everything else as well. Whichever it is, and I sincerely hope it’s the second, the signs are that from Monday onwards you are going to be feeling a lot happier than you have for a very long time – and as soon as you can, which probably means Friday 27th, you are going to take steps to make the source of your pleasure into a permanent part of your life. So it’s serious, then?

ho ho ho! that's the funniest thing i've heard in a while. no wonder i feel happy.

a room
four walls one roof one floor and yet i feel lost he told me to hide in there in that room he left me behind locked the door vacant space and nothing within me either i surrender to impulsive thoughts and wait 12,045 cracks on one wall and on the others? i fall asleep to wake up cold and find no one to hold too tired to know where i need to go so i wait i wait till dawn and then dusk comes my way the blue blood despises and the red river supresses tears of blood flow in vain i see his ghost disappear in the rain unspoken promises kept me going until i didn't see a dawn nor did i see a dusk. four walls a roof a floor and i still feel empty.

a room

four walls one roof one floor
and yet i feel lost

he told me to hide in there
in that room

he left me behind
locked the door

vacant space
and nothing within
me either

i surrender
to impulsive thoughts
and wait

12,045 cracks
on one wall and
on the others?

i fall asleep
to wake up cold
and find no one to hold

too tired to know
where i need to go
so i wait

i wait till dawn
and then dusk comes
my way

the blue blood
despises
and the red river
supresses

tears of blood
flow in vain
i see his ghost
disappear in the rain

unspoken promises
kept me going
until i didn't see
a dawn

nor did i see a dusk.

four walls a roof a floor
and i still feel empty.

12.18.2002

THESE ARE ACTUAL HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS EMPLOYING ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS...

- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes onat 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

12.17.2002

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

the lines for intergalactic rides are worse than those for the batman rides at six flags!

i walked by this little play school this afternoon on my way to lunch.. could hear the kids singing (rather screaming) "when you're happy and you know it, clap your hands..". couldn't get that dumb song out of my head for a while. got me thinking..

what if you're happy and you don't know it? what would you do then? could you find yourself being bitter and complaining, listing your cares and concerns, wallowing in your worries? would you appear to be like someone who is dienchanted, disgruntled or disillusioned? or maybe its just taking you a while to realize that you're actually full of joy and contentment?

12.16.2002

it's never easy to be taken for granted. and the feeling that this is exactly what's happening to me is making me start to ponder what are friends for?

never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.

for all you car enthusiasts out there:

The very first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI in 1953. It sold for $3,250.

i'd have a fleet of corvettes if it still sold for that price :)

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

--Albert Einstein

an actual excerpt from the classifieds of the local newspaper:

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

finally, a smile :)

it takes an awful lot to throw me off balance. or rather, it takes very little.. but i'll put up with an enormous amount of crap given to me before i take permanent umbrage. today, i wonder if i've reached the end of my tether.. i, no longer, am able to see the funny side of certain silly situations.. but maybe the nearness of Christmas is making it all seem much worse than it actually is..

i don't know.

12.15.2002

it doesn't feel the same anymore.. the trust i shared with m has been betrayed.. and punished was a dear friendship.

nothing will ever be the same anymore.. i remember saying that two years ago.. and yet again.

anti-social or anti-women?

which will it be for me.. i wonder.

maybe some anti-depressants.

12.14.2002

imagination is a wonderful thing. it provides the crucial bridge between one world and another. if i can't envisage something, i can't achieve it. and if i can? well, whilst this doesn’t on its own guarantee success, it usually implies that it may just be possible. isn't imagination very close to intuition? like radio stations that transmit on adjoining frequencies, i can't always tell which i'm listening to - especially as their programs can be very similar at times. radio heart though, has an unmistakable sound when it really means business.

once upon a time, my world was full of surprises. wherever i went, i could be sure of encountering something or someone new. then came chain stores; international conglomerates creating identical shopping malls in every town across the planet. thanks to them and satellite TV, many of us lead carbon copy lives wherever we are. maybe this is why i now react so dramatically to distinctions and differences, wherever they remain.

i went wild last night.. thanks to rocky and s.

its so hard to find friends who accept you for who you are.. and don't judge you by the clothes you wear, the grades you get, the car you drive. i can be with rocky and s 24/7 and yet never have to think twice before i say something.. what's on my mind is what i say when they're around. its a blast when you can be completely honest with a person other than you. no facades. no pretence. just you. and only you. :)

*yawwwwwwwwwwn*

12.13.2002

for all you indians out there:

he: khem cho ben

me: tari gaand

he: lollllllllll

he: yayyy shes back !!! this is the chick i knew in the beginnin!

me: let me teach you a real nice ahemdabadi gaali i learned today

he: loll ok go on

me: gaand badattra.. tari gaand naa waad kurchi thi baandhi naakhis HAHAHAHAHHA

he: lollllllllllll... now now foolmaker dear mere khaan phat rahe hain

me: thank god sirf kaan phatre.. kahi gaand phat jaati.. toh you'd be royally screwed!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

he: lolllllllllll

12.11.2002

from my dear friend's blog..

A Dream ?

theres a song playin in my heart
while i wait for our sojourn to start
it's been a while
since i sat down to dream
since i smiled

rain on me, wash away my tears
take me to a place never visited before
on a journey that never ends
a place where sorrow
never treads

the stars our blanket tonight
our dreams our map across the sky
flights of fantasy turn into reality
your hand in mine
lets face our destiny

x----------------------------------------------------------x

his whole face lights up when he smiles. his aura glows. his heart jumps with joy. i hope he keeps smiling like this forever.

me: i'm feeling a tad bit aggravated and frustrated.

he: maybe its cuz you're trying to do too much.. ya know.. striving to fight too many battles!

me: nah!

he: oh yeah honey.. its pretty much true of you at any time of any day. you need to let yourself off the hook.

color blind
a drop then a broken barrage first on my nose and onto my lips water tastes funny pollution? or a burnt toungue? hm a trickle down my cheek then onto my neck its minus 7 the drops are warm! my hair isn't wet but i did walk under the open sky they cover my face like a veil i look beautiful a flowing veil of water i must be blind no color seen by my eye my veil is red not white

12.08.2002

this is for you.. thanks for being there for me.. being a friend to me when i needed one the most. i may not email you often.. nor call you.. but when i do feel blue.. i smile cuz i know out there somewhere, there's you:

Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
Like I always do
Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you

12.07.2002

and my destination
makes it worth the while
pushing through the darkness
still another mile

i don't care what causes my depression.. but i do know what makes me snap out of it - ABBA! i may be wailing and bawling.. all you gotta do is put Take a chance and i'll be on my toes, dancing about the room.. with a smile on my face.

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me

Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

12.02.2002

its quite sad that people don't always mean what they say.. nor do they say what they mean. no wonder the communication process is so damned complicated. worse still, people tend to insist that they are saying what they mean and meaning what they say even when its clear that this can't possibly be true. they take umbrage at the very suggestion of inconsistency. so are we all obliged to spend our lives working out what's really going on while simultaneously being careful about how much information we then pass on.. and how much we withhold?

do you want to know a secret? of course you do! :p

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

12.01.2002

gosh. this is silly.. but it did make me laugh at the corniness ;)

here's challenge...say the following phrases fast. solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until you "hear" the answer.

Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACK LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB BAN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)

14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (movie)

15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)

ANSWERS:

1. Jacques Cousteau

2. Santa Claus

3. Michael Jordan

4. Moby Dick

5. Thomas Jefferson

6. Chiquita Banana

7. The Titanic

8. I love you

9. The Brady Bunch

10. Christopher Columbus

11. Doctor Seuss

12. The Milky Way Galaxy

13. Agent 007

14. The Sound of Music

15. Bugs Bunny

i'm forever being told that certain things will make me happy. all i've got to do is find the right relationship – the right job – the right place to live – the right hobby – the right social circle – the right diet – or the right routine. but what about those who would appear to have ticked off every item on the list? are they really any more fulfilled? maybe they're worse off – for they have nothing on which to blame their sense of discomfort.

sometimes, when the wind blows, everything goes up in the air. it all swirls around and flies about until the storm dies down. by then, who knows where anything is any more. i just have to do my best to pick up the pieces and start again. sometimes though, the wind makes no such impact even though it is just as fierce. everything flutters but it doesn’t go anywhere. it stays still. it's rooted, grounded, held in position by a force that’s powerful enough to withstand the pressure. the wind is sure as hell blowing in my life..

i don't want to scatter too far.

foolmaker

12.31.2002

12.29.2002

12.27.2002

12.26.2002

12.25.2002

12.24.2002

12.23.2002

12.22.2002

12.21.2002

12.19.2002