me: i had a weird dream about you last night

he: interesting...tell me how weird was it?

me: on a scale of 1 to 10.. it was a 20

he: do you remember it or is it just the weird feeling that you remember?

While your mirrors reflect silence
and you hear the shadows move
Maybe you should step outside now
Theres darkness here too.

me: i dont remember most of it.

he: so how did you recognize me?

me: umm i didnt.. but i knew it was you

me: it was like a freaky movie.. along the style of Queen of the Damned

me: and you were kind of like a werewolf.. but Red Dragon style.. and you had a mask that covered half your face.

he: nice...i like that....it could be partly right you know

me: i knew i was a vampire. and it was really weird

he: you had to be a vampire

me: i was a cricket playing vampire.. i had wicketkeeping gloves on!

he: LOL

me: and i was playing a match against a team called TheSerpents

he: these conversations!

me: and then you just kinda bounced by and i lost complete interest in the game. and i started following you.. i first took the pads off but left the gloves on

he: and where did i lead you to?

me: into this cove.

me: it was my dream cove.. in the mountain side..

me: there was snow around.. but it wasn't cold

me: you had built a bookshelf out of stone.. all around the lil cove. it was cosy and you used red teakwood to carve out a very basic version of a table.

me: the table had one candle on it.. and an open Kafka

me: and after that i dont remember what happened :(

he: i like this dream

me: what do you like about it?

he: the undertow

me: what does the undertow suggest?

he: something...nothing...everything. i dont know...

he: i like it...coz i dont know

me: i woke up with an intensity in me.. and it kind of scared me.. made me not trust myself

he: i dont think these things can or should be explained

me: definitely

he: dewdrops i call em

he: you dont touch em

me: dewdrops eh?

the start of some poems:

even after
a thousand hurts..
a thousand lies
later
i still bleed

a rhapsody of feelings
evil still dominates
a thousand shards later
i still bleed

----------------------------------

a smile
then a smirk
a few too many hurts
and then some more
a beautiful game
of hide-n-seek
you a player
and i so meek

----------------------------------

a mole (?)
on the right cheek
hesitant (?)
facing the camera
over-confidence (?)
when a girl speaks

a smile
and then a peek ;)

is there a method to my madness?

of course!

what seems, to the rest of you, like a chaotic situation is one that i've intuitively engineered.

it suits my purpose.
it meets my need.

i'll be fine (as long as i don't suddenly start doubting myself).

i cant apply cold logic to the instintive hunch that i'm following... that'd be like putting fuel into the frame of a bicycle in the hope that this will make it go faster!

what works for me is what's right for me.

and i know what that is.

so yeah! rock on!

i feel like i've been wandering through a desert.

i've seen too many mirages

i'm so dehydrated that i hardly care whether the oasis in the distance is genuine.

i'll believe it when i actually experience it.. not when i see it. all i know is that i must trudge on.

i know i sound melodramatic..

but its not too far from the way things are.

i've tried
a thousand times
a thousand hurts
later
life still haunts me

its not like me to be hesitant.

or rather, it is. i hesitate a lot more than most people think.

and i don't like the person i become when i feel unable to reach a decision. i fear that others disapprove of me being confused.

so, i tend to 'act decisive', even when i don't feel it.

have you ever actually tried to find a needle in a haystack?

its as difficult as it sounds.

just thinking about it on the train this morning.

people are like haystacks too. i know things that others need to know.

but can i engage another person in a coversation for hours without unearthing one crucial, hidden fact?

it really depends on the other person.

i don't make sense, do i?

here's the latest addition to my wants list:

1984

seriously: its true

Dating back to Roman times, until the late 1600's, tickling was used as a form of torture.

if that happened to me, i'd really die.

an awesome rally weekend

i attended the rally school this past weekend. and as usual, i was the only girl out there. and i think i did pretty good.

i'm insatiable now.

posted below are the few pics i managed to take.

i'm beat. i'm fatigued. i'm sooo dead.

I was too lazy to write down the notes.. so I just took pics!

Canadian bikers - Rick and Mike. Wonderful people.

a couple of Harley cruisers.. it was the bike week in Franconia. 400,000 people and probably as many bikes. Ducatis, Harleys.. every bike you can think of.

passenger side.

the rollbars were awesome!

What an awesome ride it was.. damn!

The Subaru driven by Dave Getchell!

he is a soldier
but he's only human
we put him on a pedestal
but he wants to be normal.

..

there are several ways to travel between New York and Sydney.

i can go by air or i can go by sea.
i can take the most direct route or i can meander.
i can even, if i want, trace a complex route that doubles back on itself several times and takes in several wild diversions.

but here's what i can't do:
i can't just sit on a bench in Central Park and wish myself to Sydney.

cracking plaster opens foster homes for soft moss.
the tree sprouts tender leaves for the coming rain.
i was trying to leave footprints in the puddle.

down the memory lane...

was remembering my high school biology lessons.

all the (grisly) sights that i saw under the microscope. but once i looked away, i realized that these exist in a separate little world of their own.

reminds me

i should keep a sense of proportion to avoid being drawn too deeply into dramas - dramas that seem enormous and overwhelming yet ultimately irrelevant.

Colorado chosen for cosmic ray observatory

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- An international science group Tuesday chose Colorado as the site of a $50 million observatory to measure the cosmic rays that continually bombard the Earth.

Read the whole story on cnn.com

'what the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve.'

or so i've heard.

but this really depends on how sensitive a person is.

subtle signs, little signals always warn me when something, somewhere isn't quite right. my heart knows, even if my mind is unaware.

oil burns a lot more brightly than wood.

that doesn't mean, though, that i should pour it on my fire.

what's fuelling me?

am i being nourished by an ambition, wise or not? or am i working into a frenzy by an intense reaction? i know i shouldn't act out of anger or fear.. and that i should always be led by faith and inspiration.

but

it doesn't matter anymore.

i'm used to the heat of an unsuitable energy source.. maybe i should switch to a more constructive supply.

that would seem really strange.