it's strange really.

i spend half my life struggling to make things happen and the other half struggling to stop them from happening.

like a juggler, working with oranges one minute and eggs the next, i have to keep remembering what i'm doing and what i'm dealing with.

welcome to planet earth..

home of every mind-boggling challenge in the universe!

it's easy to be afraid.

all i have to do is look around me and i'll instantly see a thousand things to feel anxious about or intimidated by.

i can go any where i want, do just about anything. the best i'll get is a holiday from such hassle. a brief break.

but i want true freedom.. and i don't know how to get it.

i don't suffer fools gladly..

i just suffer them.

a new me is emerging.

the old me might have looked at my situation from a slightly nervous point of view. the old me might have felt intimidated by the potential downside of a proposition. but the new me doesn't care. the new me is willing to take a risk. but i have to get used to this altered (and improved?) state of mind
cuz it is here to stay.

the vi sign!

first lawsuit over cell phone spam!

people love to make a fuss.

give them half an opportunity and they'll leap into action: complaining, carping, arguing or getting excited.

somewhere in my world, there's someone who needs help.

no way can hawking's theory about black holes be wrong!

please don't do this to me.

i'm going to have to rethink my research then.

waaaaaaaaaah :(

some pretty powerful words:

I think I know now why I find you so attractive,
while your mind and your body are "yummy",
there is something else also that has peaked my interest.
There is this force within you that I caught a glimpse of
when we first met, and every now and then it emerges
when I least expect it.
I know not how to describe this force,
except that it feels like a white bright light.
You may argue that it is your "evil" self, but
it is not.it is warm and kind,
like an old blanket on a cold winter day.
And it is always lurking behind
your eyes, your smile and your sexy lips.
Maybe that is why I enjoy kissing you so much,
in some way I am connecting with this energy.
Thank you for sharing this force with me

from a training camp inc. survey:

Job: Microsoft-certified professionals
Favoured genre: Mainstream pop

Top three bands:
Britney Spears
Dido
Beyonce

Job: Security
Favoured genre: 60s "Alt" Rock

Top three bands:
Grateful Dead
The Doors
Hendrix

Job: Linux
Favoured genre: Electro

Top three bands:
The Orb
Underworld
Kraftwerk

Job: Developers
Favoured genre: Heavy Metal
Megadeth
Iron Maiden
Slipknot

Job: Database administrators
Favoured genre: Indie
The Smiths
Haven
Suede

Job: Project manager
Favoured genre: Rock
Pink Floyd
Queen
Rolling Stones

Job: CIO/IT director
Favoured genre: Classical
Mozart
Handel
Vivaldi

what the fuck is Handel? never heard of it.

meth head?

think again:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/20/science/20meth.html?8hpib

People who do not want to wait for old age to shrink their brains and bring on memory loss now have a quicker alternative - abuse methamphetamine for a decade or so and watch the brain cells vanish into the night.

there's a limit to what i can do..

but there is no limit to what i wish i could do!

let's get away from it all.

that's what i say when i really fancy a break. then, i set out to find an escape route. i try traveling to the four corners of the world in an attempt to leave my problems behind me. or i bury myself in my favorite books or movies. sometimes i try going out, sometimes i try staying in. i may try to drink away my worries and my cares. sometimes i seek solace in other self-destructive vices. none of it, though, affords me any more than a temporary respite. my difficulties are like my shadows. they go wherever i go.

maybe the only way to get rid of them, is to face them and accept them.

he: will you be there even when the last one falls?

me: yes i will. and somewhere deep inside that head of yours, you know it.

 

existential angst.

This Place Is A Prison

This place is a prison
And this people aren't your friends
Inhaling thrills through $20 bills
And the tumblers are drained and then flooded again
And again

Ther're guards at the on ramps armed to be teeth
And you may case the grounds from the cascades to puget sound,
But you are not permitted to leave

I know there's a big world out there like the one i saw on the screen
In my living room late last night,
It was almost too bright to see
And i know that it's not a party if it happens every night
Pretending there's glamour and candelabra
When you're drinking by candlelight

What does it take to get a drink in this place?

What does it take, how long must i wait?

my bum is on your lips
my bum is on your lips
and if I'm lucky
you might just give it a little kiss
 
eminem rocks.
 
 

here's what i need to cheer me up (after a long fucking frustrating day at work)

VIRGO

You have amazing problem-solving abilities and will be
in a position to use them.

Money is just money, so put those worries in their
proper perspective and realize what the issue is:
priorities. Your love life may have you confused and
befuddled. What to do? Where to turn?

Messages from the universe are woven seamlessly
through your day - it's up to you to spot them.
Tonight, you're the recipient of a terrific gift.
---
Remember.. "priorities" :)

thanks, joey!

1 room, no view: $1 million

fear is a 5'11 italian woman on the war path
with a wooden spoon.

that's coming face to face with death.

she: i know i stink. and i hate this world. don't talk to me.

he: ok fine. have a good life. i'm gonna pull my brain out through my nostrils with a hooked paper clip.
playdough!

my lips may promise
but my heart is a whore.

if you're in nyc today, here's something cool you should check out:

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap040528.html

there's something that means the world to me. someone i care for so deeply. a factor in my life that causes my heart to well-up with enormous emotion.

and i do try to hide the passion i feel and the strength of this powerful affinity.

i don't like others to see how potentially vulnerable it makes me.. i even kid myself about the full extent of what i feel.

my journey through time is not linear.

i return, at various points, to situations and experiences that i've known before. i revisit old scenarios, rediscover old pleasures and rebuild old friendships.

and that's apt.

the longer and harder i think about my direction in life, the more confused i become. there's no such thing as a perfect solution.. no wonderful magical way to make everyone happy. sigh. i do one thing and i end up screwing up a situation i sorely wanted to make safe. do another thing and i end up putting another factor in jeopardy. and if i dont do anything, i end up upsetting everyone!

fuck it. i'll do what my heart says..

rock, paper, saddam

so radom yet so funny.

does your mother know?

You’re so hot, teasing me
So you’re blue but I can’t take a chance on a chick like you
That’s something I couldn’t do
There’s that look in your eyes
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild
Ah, but girl you’re only a child

Well I can dance with you honey
If you think it’s funny
Does your mother know that you’re out?
And I can chat with you baby
Flirt a little maybe
Does your mother know that you’re out?

Take it easy (take it easy)
Better slow down girl
That’s no way to go
Does your mother know?
Take it easy (take it easy)
Try to cool it girl
Take it nice and slow
Does your mother know?

I can see what you want
But you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun
So maybe I’m not the one
Now you’re so cute, I like your style
And I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile (smile)
But girl you’re only a child

Well I can dance with you honey
If you think it’s funny
Does your mother know that you’re out?
And I can chat with you baby
Flirt a little maybe
Does your mother know that you’re out?

Take it easy (take it easy)
Better slow down girl
That’s no way to go
Does your mother know?
Take it easy (take it easy)
Try to cool it girl
Take it nice and slow
Does your mother know?

Well I can dance with you honey
If you think it’s funny
Does your mother know that you’re out?
And I can chat with you baby
Flirt a little maybe
Does your mother know that you’re out?

repeat mode on my ipod!

will you...

kiss me
cuddle me
bite me
lick me
hug me
stroke me
suck me
smooch me
love me
hate me

will you?