i'm off again.

a new journey this time.

see you in 10 days.

how does one turn a small problem into a big problem?

easy.
just let emotion get the better of you.
vent your rage.
say what you secretly think.
do what you know you ought not to -
but that you feel so tempted to just do anyhow.

really.
please hold back the applause.
there's no great art to any of this.

start giving way to your negative mood
and
everything will automatically go from bad to worse.

now what perplexes me is if the reverse can be true..
can one really turn a big problem into a small one just by rising above it?

Virgo

It is easy to get irritated now. Certain people are behaving in unacceptable ways. Ridiculous restrictions are being imposed for no particularly logical reason. Misunderstandings keep arising. Unexpected difficulties keep emerging. Happily, you have the patience of a saint... albeit a slightly impatient one. Hold tight to your power of divine transcendence for another day or so, and most of what now seems so irksome, will clear itself up.

movie: The Sound of Music
song: Sixteen going on Seventeen

I am sixteen going on seventeen
I know that I'm naive
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe

I am sixteen going on seventeen
Innocent as a rose
Bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those

Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken

I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are seventeen going on eighteen
I'll depend on you

often i kid myself that i've got some control over the world. i take action and i get results. and i therefore assume that there must be some connection between the two. but periodically, the universe sets out to remind me that the link is more fragile than i think. sometimes, i cause an effect – sometimes i just get an effect without doing anything to bring it about. i again wonder if the steering wheel of my life has anything whatsoever to do with the wheel..

sometimes i feel that my life is like trying to run up a down escalator.

it takes me all my effort and energy to just stay in one place.

monday, december 25, 2000, 19:38:22

>i think you have gone nuts.

>go eat or sleep or something

sunday, december 24, 2000, 22:35:24

> .. 1993 Charles Ellner Champagne Brut Seduction, France..
> can hardly feel the taste. maybe I'm not in a mood to drink wine.

sometimes, when i'm feeling under the weather, my senses go into overdrive. the slightest sound rumbles like thunder. an innocent aroma seems like a sinister smell. and then i get better. and everything around me seems much more tolerant.

i wonder if my mind is equally prone to moments of intense and unreasonable sensitivity?

my new mantra:

i'm a woman who loves life. i've worked hard to get where i am and i'm damn proud of it!

today is my day. i'm brimming with confidence and assertiveness. people around me know that if they need help solving a problem, i'm the woman to see.

yes. i'm a woman who loves life. and i will live each day like its the best day of my life.

when things make an impact on me, the effect is long-lasting.

my emotions are either deep and strong or completely ambivalent.
i don't do degrees.
the light switch of my spirit has no dimmer facility.
its either full on or full off.

and is that a good thing?

an interesting itinerary:


Nov 20, 2003:
Fly to Frankfurt


Nov 21, 2003:
Start driving from Frankfurt around noon. Reach Salzburg by 9:00 PM. (5.30 hours total travel time + spend sometime in Munich, Wurzburg, etc). Stay in Salzburg.


Nov 22, 2003:
Do the tourist thing in Salzburg till 2.30 PM. Move to Vienna, reach Vienna by 7 PM (3 hrs travel time). Stay in Vienna.


Nov 23, 2003:
Complete tourism day in Vienna. Stay in Vienna.


Nov 24, 2003:
Start for Venice somewhere around 1:00 PM. Reach Mestre or Vecenzia (place near Venice) and stay there overnight because parking is too costly in Venice.


Nov 25, 2003:
Visit Venice. Start early morning (aarrrggghh). The city trip takes 1/2 day if I don't visit the museums. Leave Venice by 1:00 pm and reach Florence by 3-4 pm. See Florence and camp out there at night. Or go to Pisa directly. Sight-seeing in Pisa (Is there anything besides the Leaning Tower?) and head towards Switzerland.


Nov 26-27, 2003:
Visit Switzerland Zermatt, Interlaken, Jungfrau.


Nov 27, 2003:
Back to Frankfurt.


Nov 28-29, 2003:
Off to Paris. Visit Paris and other places.


Nov 30, 2003:
Back to Frankfurt.


Dec 1, 2003:
Back home.
sigh.

who am i?

a full-time sad sack.
a part-time dream hunter.

as i watch the weather change from season to season, i imagine some invisible hand nudging me gently down the road of time.

maybe i'm being nudged towards an overdue date with a delightful destiny.

sometimes, one has to go to the ends of the earth before one can properly appreciate what's on one's own doorstep.

"What does it profiteth a person to winneth the lottery if he or she then loseth their marbles?"

Author Unknown (to me atleast)

me: you and i, we've gotten used to adversity.

he: its almost like we've developed a taste for it.

me: our ability to cope with adversity makes us more confident, no?

he: yeah. so much so, i fear that if it is taken away, i will have nothing left to be proud of.

*silence ensues*

me: hmm.. maybe we've developed a similar attitude to subservience (under some strange circumstances)?

he: *vehemently denying* never.

me: hey.. we're getting so used to being told what to do..

she: *yelling from the living room*you guys! go to sleep now!

me: see what i mean?

quentin tarantino has quite the fucked up mind.. but he did make a great movie in kill bill.

loved the movie, i did. and uma thurman was absolutely fabulous (as usual).

i'm neither ungrateful, runreasonable, nor unrealistic.

whoo hoo!

my grandma's coming over to visit me.. now i know that everything's going to be alright! :)

its 4:50 am.

maybe i should try and sleep.

Subject: do...

> ... you smile often?

Alone
by Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

i drown

my sorrows
and frustrations
and anger

in food.

does that surprise you?