come join me.

standing in front of an uncurtained window
i've been preparing for a struggle.

even though he's 70+, i'd sleep with clint eastwood in a heartbeat!

need to calm down?

first, open your eyes as wide as you can. then shut them.

i've realized i can't make bulls do the cha-cha..

i give up.


massive headache..

more of a migraine.

slurp up some frontal lobes..

leave me stupid.

some dreams are best left unfulfilled.

its 3:19am..

a tad bit too early to go to bed..

after a century of slumber, going to bed, every night, seems redundant.

a little bubble encapsulates the time between my now and then.

a bubble of hope. a bubble of faith.

as someone once told me:

where effort is sincere and choice is wise, you will yet have an experience of success.

everything costs you something.

people say that we end up paying a price for everything. and they may be right.

but is that really the whole story?

every action of mine earns me a reward. every decision of mine leads to a consequence. and if i always do my best to do the right thing for the right reason, i invariably get a result i can be pleased with and proud of. any price i ever have to pay for this will always seem small by comparison to the sense of satisfaction that i've been blessed with.

i can absolutely afford this life's indulgence.. hey! i cannot not treat myself once every few centuries!

Artist: Chester Bennington of Linkin Park Lyrics
Song: System Lyrics

I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me

So what you got
One last shot
It seems to me
That you're not needed
Come on
It's killing me let's see
You got the gall
Come take it all

The jury is coming
coming to tear me apart
All this bitching and moaning
Come on it's on

recognize a villain?

villains wear dark hats and have nasty facial expressions.
heroes and heroines wear lighter clothes and smile more sweetly.
in great books and movies, such caricatures are painted.
so it's easy, isn't it, to tell a goodie from a baddie?

here in the real world, the distinctions are not always so easy to make.

somewhere, on the circuit board of my life, there's a loose, live wire. and it's capable of carrying quite a current.

dizzy yet?

think of a fairground ride involving chairs that spin and swivel wildly, whilst rotating past a central pivot. these twisters are designed to make you and me feel dizzy and disoriented.

now, think of Earth. it never stops turning as it orbits the Sun. and even the Sun is rotating slowly around a distant part of the Milky Way, called "The Galactic Center". and people wonder so many of them feel giddy and light-headed.. while others, sometimes, end up feeling a little sick.

with all that endless revolving, is it really a surprise when our lives keep going round and round in circles?

i am no longer a nascar virgin.

my first experience was at the Nascar Winston Cup in Dover, Delaware. and yeah, i was supporting Ryan from the get go. he did give me a heart attack when he cut a tire very early in the race and went a couple of laps down. but, in the end, he came through for me! ;)

here's what happened..

holy cow!

too bad you are not here..

the whole night could have been spent in physical proximity and the exchange of superflous words.

if a person were to die on her/his birthday
should her/his life be celebrated?
or her/his death mourned?

sounds nice, doesn't it?

some people seem to have all the luck. maybe that’s why others seem to have none of it. then again, maybe there ought to be a law against fortune-hogging. or perhaps luck is like love..

self-replenishing and endless.

i can't fly.

no matter how hard i flap my arms, i can't fly. i even focus my mind as intently as i can upon some imaginary white light hoping this may help me levitate. yet i can't seem to get off the ground.

would pixie dust help?

this was easily the best birthday i've ever had. did the regular weekend thing (bar/club hopping) but the company was awesome!

two nights of partying at etoile, lansky's and bombay palace and a day at the spa! that's life.

surrounded by 8-10 guys and being the center of attention on the dance floor.. all i can do is smile :)

had this straight argentinian guy as my masseur. took every bit of self control not to drool.

thank you guys for planning such an awesome birthday for me. if i were any more drunk right now, i'd probably start on this emotional trip saying how much you all mean to me etc etc..

i need to sleep off this alcohol :)

i'm lost.

why are there so many universities, libraries and books?

with so much information in this world, it becomes hard to imagine how there can possibly be any questions which remain unanswered. i guess the problem with this world is not that there are too many questions, its just that there are too many answers. for example, most puzzles, annoyingly, have more than one solution - and then there are plenty of answers that are just hanging around, waiting for the right question to pop-up. sometimes, maybe through boredom, (who can say?) these unattributed answers, attach themselves to irrelevant questions!

then, i get terribly confused.

as in physics, so in life.

i noticed that when people talk about smart scientists, they normally mention Einstein. he sure was a clever cookie. but so was Werner Heisenburg. he's most famous for his Uncertainty Principle. he found that the outcome of any experiment will always be influenced by the presence of an observer, no matter how impartial or uninvolved that witness tries to be.

we definitely do influence things and people just by looking at them.. :)

the power of the Sun is self-evident. it gives us light, warmth and energy. it brings us hope, dreams, and enthusiasm. it also brings us the knowledge that today is a new day.. and today things will be better than they were yesterday.

and tomorrow, when the sun rises at 6:34 AM, will make us stronger.. as did each day since september 11th, 2001.

today, i wear rose-colored glasses as i peer wistfully through the window of hope on to the street of dreams below.

faster than a speeding bullet?
able to leap tall buildings at a single bound?
not bloody likely.!

there are no super-heroes left in my neighborhood!
arrgh.
they've all gone into semi-retirement.. taken up friggin knitting.

if the world needs to be saved, it had better look elsewhere.

O happiness enjoyed but of a few!
And, if possessed, as soon decayed and done
As is the morning silver-melting dew
Against the golden splendour of the sun!
An expired date, cancelled ere well begun:
Honour and beauty, in the owner's arms,
Are weakly fortressed from a world of harms.

--William Shakespeare's The Rape of Lucrece.

me: sometimes i wonder which world i'm really living in - yesterday's or tomorrow's..

he: which world would you rather live in - the world of how things should be or the world of how they really are?

me: umm.. that's what i'm trying to figure out.

he: you know, comparisons are well and good, just as long as they're valid. but when they're unrealistic or irrelevant, they create too much confusion.

the US Open men's final was a wash out (atleast for me). the game ended too soon.. and i don't much care for Roddick. but hey, it was an experience nonetheless.

i stand by the shoreline of surrender, expecting to be overwhelmed by a wave of inevitability. am i resigned to a future full of compromise and repetition?

maybe i should wade further out. fashion a board from the fabric of faith and prepare to surf on the tide of serendipity.. build a boat of hope and start sailing the sea of possibility.

maybe i just lost my mind.

i'm off for the US open men's final!

i'm just sad that i wont be seeing Agassi :(

Marriage belongs on the junk heap of human folly. It is an equal-opportunity oppressor, trapping men and women in a life of drudgery, emotional anesthesia, and a tug-of-war struggle to balance vastly different needs.

-- Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis

more..

i've been wanting to start a sex blog.. i'd probably post once every three months! hehe.

anyways here's something i found hilarious:

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Running on the terrain, carrying a studded crowbar, cometh Foolmaker! And she gives a gutteral scream: "I'm going to hump you in such an unsafe manner, you will see ultraviolet!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

fairy tales..

have a lot to answer for. they've lead me to believe, at an impressionable age, that dreams can come true with the wave of a magic wand. and now, my expectations swing to the opposite extreme. i now figure that dreams just don’t ever come true and i'd better wise up to that fact. yet i've seen they do. its just that first, i have to put in an awful lot of work.

i am quite sensitive. usually though, i do my best to disguise this. i come across as confident, strong, self-assured. if something within me is wobbling, i fence off the area and produce a clever, counter-wobble so that nobody else can see. none of this though, detracts from the intensity of my emotional experience - or the validity of it. right now, i simply cannot hide what i feel - nor should i. i am having a reaction to something or someone. i am all fired up and i cannot extinguish the flame that is starting to burn so brightly in my heart. i must feed it, let it be bright, it is right.

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in awhile, you luck out and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

i really miss mw.

finally

i'll be taking this class at julliard.

Recognize the artwork in your curves
the rhythm in your hips every swerve
as you paint the path with the colors of your passing,
a canvas colors the minds of man
that fancy
and dream
that you would be their dessert.
flirt
is not intentionaly done when you talk
but the softness of your voice is enough
to temper anger
and engender dreams
within you is the power of teams
know it
and show it
let your sweetness fill the air
and those that appreciate beauty will always be looking
when the wind catches your hair.

my mind wanders away from his words
to his lips
and
his gaze

i look at him
and feel myself drifting
drifting into a storm
i feel it deep down
spiraling towards the center
of my universe

and i feel the fire these days
and someone might get burned
but that's not my intent
the fire spreads to my bone
the crackle
with
the tingle

i feel the desire
but
go away
i can get rude
but
desire is definitely a very inclusive expression
hardly rude

standing in the cold wet wrap
the fire sizzles
fighting till its last flame
not wanting to die out
and it succeeds

as it engulfs my being
again.

the saga starts all over again

the thudding of the blood
that rushes in
and demands something deep within
a muscle twitch

sometimes it truly is the clash i want
ramrod hard desire

ha. i jest.
vicarious experiences.