lost

i close the doors lest the darkness robs me off my dreams you know these ceilings.. doors walls and floors have ears they listen and wait and listen and alert me of the night that comes by changes the mood and the look of the sky flattering me with stars and some moonlight romancing me wooing me to see what's forming in my mind a dream a stretch away and the night knows that for it will feed off of my dream and flee and i will be left with nothing but out stretched hands and unshed tears

11.28.2002

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

11.27.2002

woof. handling two jobs and studies is not a joke. i thought i'd be able to do it cuz someone once said "superwomyn , thy name be T". but wrong is he.. and me. its fun (i admit) but the long long long hours are truly taking a heavy toll on me. my day starts at 5:30am and ends at 11pm.

its a hectic schedule.. but ladies, trust me when i say, its the easiest way to lose those extra holiday pounds ;)

back!

11.22.2002

imagine if our anatomy matched our psychology.. some of us would walk around with enormous heads on tiny bodies for sure!

he: why is it that very few people ever manage to see the obvious?

me: probably because the obvious takes every chance it ever gets to become obscured..

11.19.2002

i recently took this test.

Foolmaker, your unconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

this test was nothing but a gimmick to give your inner self a big boost.

i like to think i know who i am and what i stand for.. yet sometimes, i find i'm a stranger even to myself. under unusual circumstances i say and do unexpected things. often i've got a reason to be proud of what i turn out to be capable of. this past week i've made some amazing personal discoveries and i'm beginning to develop a very different self-image.

and i feel delighted by the new horizons that are starting to open up for me :)

life is precious. so, are some lives more precious than others? time is precious. so, are some moments more important than others?

i sometimes become obsessive.. i let myself fear for the well-being of every stranger i see.. i sometimes panic about lost minutes that i've failed to appreciate in the course of a busy day.

ocd?

11.13.2002

E-mail Chat Survival Guide: something i'd rarely use.

AFAIC As Far As I'm Concerned
AISI As I See It
ANFAWFOS And Now For A Word From Our Sponsor
ANFAWFOWS And Now For A Word From Our WEB Sponsor
AOL Assholes On Line
ASAP As Soon As Possible
ASAFP As Soon As Friggin Possible
AWGTHTGTTA Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Again
AWGTHTGTTSA Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Shit Again
B4 Before
BCNU Be Seeing You
BFD Big Fucking Deal
BK Bo Knows
BNF Big Name Fan
BOT Back On Topic
BTSOOM Beats The Shit Out Of Me
BT Byte This!
BTW By The Way
BTWBO Be There With Bells On
CIAO Goodbye
CIS CompuServe Information Service
CMF Count My Fingers!
CTC Choaking The Chicken
CUL Catch You Later/See You Later
CUL8R See You Later
CWYL Chat With You Later
DBEYR Don't Believe Everything You Read
DDD Direct Distance Dial
DHYB Don't Hold Your Breath
DILLIGAD Do I Look Like I Give A Damn
DQYDJ Don't Quit You're Day Job
DYSTSOTT Did You See The Size Of That Thing
FE Fatal Error
FTASB Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
FTL Faster Than Light
FUBAR Fucked Up Beyond All Repair
FUBB Fucked Up Beyond Belief
FWIW For What It's Worth
FYI For Your Information
FYM For Your Misinformation
GE GEnie Information Service
GEE No, GTE
GIGO Garbage In, Garbage Out
GIWIST Gee, I Wish I'd Said That
GR&D Grinning Running & Ducking
HAK Hugs And Kisses
HUYA Head Up Your A$$
HHOK Ha Ha, Only Kidding
HHO1/2K Ha Ha, Only Half Kidding
HIOOC Help! I'm Out Of Coffee!
HTH Hope This Helps
HUA Heads Up, Ace
IAC In Any Case
IAE In Any Event
IANAL I Am Not A Lawyer
IANAC I Am Not A Crook
IAO I Am Outtahere
IBCNU I'll Be Seeing You
IBTD I Beg To Differ
IFABCTE I Found A Bug, Call The Exterminator
IITYWTMWYKM If I Tell You What This Means Will You Kiss Me
IITYWTMWYBMAD If I Tell You What This Means Will You Buy
Me A Drink
IITYWTMWYLMA If I Tell You What This Means Will You Leave Me
Alone
IIWM If It Were Me
ILSHIBAMF I Laughed So Hard I Broke All My Furniture
ILSHIBMS I Laughed So Hard I Broke My Stitches
IMCO In My Considered Opinion
IMHO In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO In My Opinion
INPO In No Particular Order
IOW In Other Words
ISP Internet Service Provider
KISS Keep It Simple Stupid
L8R Later
LD Long Distance
LDTTWA Let's Do The Time Warp Again
LLTA Lots And Lots Of Thunderous Applause
LOL Laughing Out Loud
LSHHTCMS Laughed So Hard, Had To Change My Shorts
LTIP Laughing Till I Puke
MTFBWY May The Force Be With You
NBFD No Big Fucking Deal
NFW No Fucking Way
NRN No Reply Necessary
NYCFS New York City Finger Salute
OAUS On An Unrelated Subject
OATUS On A Totally Unrelated Subject
OATIS On A Totally Irrelevant Subject
OBTW Oh By The Way
OI Operator Indisposed
OMIK Open Mouth, Insert Keyboard
ONNA Oh No, Not Again
ONNTA Oh No Not This Again
OOTC Obligatory On Topic Comment
OTOH On The Other Hand
OTOOH On The Other Other Hand
OTSH On The Same Hand
OWTTE Or Words To That Effect
OZ Australia
PITA Pain In The A$$
PMF Pull My Finger
RBTL Read Between The Lines
RML Read My Lips
RMM Read My Mail
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTM Right On The Money
RSN Real Soon Now
RTFM Read The Fucking Manual (or Message)
SH Shit Happens
SH2M Shit Happens To Me
SITD Still In The Dark
SOI Sit On It
SOL Shit Outta Luck
STM Spank The Monkey
SysOp System Operator
SYP Send Your Password
TAFL Take A Flying Leap
TANSTAAFL There Ain't No Such Than A Free Lunch
TDTM Talk Dirty To Me
TFASB Time For A Sex Break
TFN Thanks For Nothin'
TIA Thanks In Advance
TIC Tongue In Cheek
TISEC Tongue In Someone Else's Cheek
TLA Three Letter Acronym (such as this)
TM Trust Me
TSR Terminate and Stay Resident
TSR Totally Stuck in RAM
TTT That's The Ticket
TWHAB This Won't Hurt A Bit
VI Village Idiot
WDIPME Where Did I Put My Excedrin
WGAFS Who Gives A Flying Squat
WIT Wordsmith In Training
WMG Wheres My Glasses
WTHDTIM What The Hell Do These Initials Mean
WTSDS Where The Sun Don't Shine
WEB World Wide Wait
WYSIWYG What You See Is What You Get
WYSIUWYW What You See Isn't Usually What You Want
YGBK You Gotta Be Kiddin'

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most.
-- George R. Kirkpatrick

my heaven

choosing pot over ciggarettes? think again..

11.12.2002

some agreements are easy to reach. i just put out my hand and there they are. others, require me to stretch out on tiptoe whilst standing on a chair which, in turn, is balanced on a table. no wonder when i try to reach an agreement, i sometimes fall flat on my face. no wonder i take one look at what i may have to compromise and i think, why bother?

do i want to be happy? do i want to be successful? do i want to feel comfortable and content? seems like very silly questions to ask.. but i realize how i keep seizing on a cause for concern or a source of aggravation. its almost as if i can't leave it alone. well of course! its real and has to be dealt with but the actual question is - am i giving it too much attention?

i've always been told to count my blessings. and i've been told not to count my chickens before they have hatched. so what if some of my blessings are eggs? does this mean that i should only celebrate what i actually have and never my potential for attaining something?

11.11.2002

what i need is a plane ticket. i'll even settle for a train, a boat or a bus. i'm just extremely keen to get away. this desire to explore new worlds is not practical.. but definitely healthy. maybe i just need to translate this desire into an intellectual journey. hm.. maybe i should immerse myself into an interestingly absorbing subject. what if this fails? well, i could take an emotional trip. well, that's a hazard to the well being of people around me for i know not what course this trip will take and i, sure as hell, am bad at guiding it.

all i need to do is embrace something new. and when i do, i'll come to appreciate that the old is not worthless or hopeless. it merely needs to be seen from a fresh perspective.

instant coffee, instant life?

i live in a push-button, just-add-water, instant-flick-of-the-remote, kind of world. and i, like most people, expect to be able to get whatever i want just when i want it. sometimes, this happens. sometimes our machines don't do what they're supposed to do. sometimes, relationships don't pan out quite in the way i expect them to. most times, i encounter obstacles (like the 6+ billion people).

run away and save my life.

Le plus ca change, le plus c'est la meme chose.

the more things change the more they stay the same. that's what the french say. but then, they eat snails ;) most of us find that when things change, they definitely do not stay the same. a change is a change - be it for the better or for the worse. i do find change coming into my life. a big one. i cannot avoid it.. but i'm not worried either. i have been hoping for a long time to tackle an exasperating problem.. and so far, every fucking attempt has been thwarted. maybe now i have an opportunity to achieve something that brings me great satisfaction.

from harris's blog: american girl culture

i stumbled across this article a few hours ago and i must say i completely agree with the author. there are no more children.. just wannabe adults. it is horrifying that even 6 year old girls worry about dressing up cool enough for boys to like them.

(Teenagers) dress up cool so boys like them. I saw it in a movie. They get dressed so fashionable, like a doll and stuff. -- Lily, 6 years old.

as far as i can remember, at 6, i was playing with earthworms and sucking nectar out of flowers. i owned one doll that looked very much like a little me (6 years) and had a pretty white and blue dress with smocked sleeves. the doll didn't have a figure like barbie's neither did she have a boyfriend like ken. she didn't have a corvette or a surfboard. she didn't have a satin bed set with a silk-padded headboard (like barbie's). she was just a little doll who was content playing with earthworms, beetles and flowers; she didn't mind hitching a ride on my back to my little bed where i'm sure she was quite content sleeping.

If I don't dress well, I feel geeky. And if I feel nice, I feel like people like me. -- Lily, 6 years old.

i'm a geek and proud of it. this culture has really hit the younger generation pretty hard. i read that Lily shops at Rachel London's Garden, where Britney Spears has some of her clothes designed. a two-piece suit i'm sure looks adorable on a 6 year old.. but the pressure doesn't suit the kid. nor the parents. i wonder how much money do the parents spend on fulfilling their little angel's wishes?

At our school, being popular is, for a girl, looking the best, having the best clothes, being liked by a lot of the guys. -- Hannah, 13 years old.

ha. popularity is so over rated. is it worth all the heartache/headache/stress it takes to become popular? sure, at 13, i was very curious about boys and did want to look my best to make them like me, but i wonder if today's teenagers are overdoing the impressing part? tons of makeup, trips to the beauty salons, shopping at 6 different stores does sound to me like life's taking a back seat and stress is taking the front.

i wish kids would be kids.. enjoy their childhood and not turn into wannabes.. because childhood strikes only once.

the morning rudely awakens my soul my eyes have stories better left untold i sit quiet and patiently i wait i feel the cracks in the walls isn't he coming high pitch noises silence of the mimes he told me he would come back then i waited for mr. phillips to come and get his iguana i bought the tie i had no shirt to wear it with the crack on my lip yearns to be soothed thought i heard the sounds of snowflakes that used to be music to my ears one day i was singing and playing we were all singing and playing i will think i will sing and play one day i will walk out of my house and walk my ghost fish and people would still think i am weird weird i am i will but one day when people see i boil my soul in tea will i still be weird everybody boils their soul in grapejuice i will boil it in tea remembered you like tea remembered you liked someone i will be happy one day when you return will you be happy i think not the beauty of a lady so becometh you walk away the cat sings the rhyme you sit in front of me awkward did i dream you up did i dream it all no that can't be true how else would i know the taste of your lips how else would i still remember the feel of your soft crescents agains my rough fingers did i lose you i wake up read the newspaper scramble those eggs iron that shirt smooth that crease buy odwalla's that is all i live for neighbor's out is he looking for his lost soul and i still have time to be sad

11.06.2002

fresh blood does have a distinct odor.

it stinks.

an interesting way to raise funds.

i saw this sign at a local church:

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

11.05.2002

imagine a world with no humour. no joking, no laughing, no smiling. all is forbidden by some dire, dour, despot. anything even remotely amusing is banished and banned. wanna live in a world like this? you'd have to join an underground society of illegal gigglers, gathering secretly, once a week, in soundproof rooms to trade punchlines.

was watching this movie based in medieval times. a stranger knocks. the sentry at the gate asks -

"Halt! Who goes there? Friend or Foe?"

i really cannot believe such a question has been asked by a sentry, anywhere in the world! i mean, what is the enemy going to say?

"Oh! It is alright. You can go ahead and shoot me. I'm just a foe."

heh.

well, people don't just say the silliest things, they guard against the most unlikely and irrelevant threats. they live in fear of imaginary problems while walking blindly towards genuine dangers.

11.04.2002

Battle of the Sexes: who's the winner?

an evaluation said i need to be more assertive. pissed me off. i'm compassionate and i'm new out there. its hard to encroach upon other people's business. not like i need to be told what i must be doing.. but i'd rather not step on other people's toes. i know what my problem is: its not that i need to learn how to be assertive. i'm perfectly capable of standing up for myself. its just that i tend to swing between two extremes. either i'm fiercely independent or hopelessly soft. one minute i mistrust every single person in sight, the next i want to take the whole world home with me and snuggle it up with a cup of cocoa.

arrgh.

11.02.2002

s m i l e

s m i l e	close comfort heart crashes walls uprooted and thrown around minds spinning day fleeting feelings sought, failings down skin touches the air singed roars of summer washed over by silence wind in my face curls sway on his the sun looked out spying on stolen kisses

Unfamous Quotations

A collection of brand new quotations made by people who are not famous and you won't find in any other Famous Quotations book. Yet.

would you like to submit one?

interesting quotes from people:

"Where there's a will, there's a dead guy" - Jeneane Sessum

"Those who talk the most are either the most respected or the most laughed at." - Rohini Kapur

"I may have no taste, but I like you." - Mike Reyher

Spooky auroras light up autumn nights

whoa!

if you'll only hold me tight
we'll be holding on forever
and i know we'll make it right
cuz we'd never be wrong together

clever people, with letters after their name, based in erudite academic institutions, inform me that there are only seven possible story-lines to any drama or novel. all books and plays are based on variations of these basic themes. how wonderful to be so educated! fancy knowing so much that you can never again be entertained by anything. then again, i don’t want to swing to the other extreme and be unable to recognize repetition.

thanks for this, harris.

any fool can stand on a soapbox with a megaphone. the world is full of people who love to shout. they think that the person who wins the argument is the one who makes their point in the loudest voice. you know what though, the most subtle, secret wisdom can carry more weight than the most enormous announcement. quality counts more than quantity, and the right word, in the right ear at the right time can...

so people, just stop shouting and yelling!!

sometimes, i go to the movies. and i watch powerful movies that touch my heart and trigger profound reactions. i go through something big and i'm pretty surprised when i finally emerge from the theaters to discover that the world is just as it was before i went in.

my current favorite movie: shawshank redemption