goodbye.

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not too long,
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared.
Miss me - but let me go.

some people are born insensitive, some achieve insensitivity and others have ignorance thrust upon them.

i know this is not the original quotation. i am dealing with several silly someones.

if only i had a thick skin, a tough hide, an ability to let it all be like water off a duck's back, this would all be fine.

but no matter how heartless, careless or callous the people around me may choose to be, i can summon no such quality.

doesn't this make me vulnerable?

have you ever had one of those weeks?

you know the type - where everything goes topsy turvy and you end up running round in circles getting nowhere. at such times, i forget that life can be any other way. i develop an expectation of disappointment and failure.

some problems are sent to try me.

others are designed
to teach me,
to stretch me
and
to help and inspire me.

i sometimes think that there is no particular point or purpose to my predicament. i feel exasperated by my impediment.

aggravated by a series of silly circumstances!

what i need is a new source of energy and excitement unleashed in my life.

i'm dealing with big stuff now.

powerful emotions.
profound feelings.
intense experiences.
scary opportunities.

i used to think that all these serious, unnerving thoughts were actually unhealthy. instead they're doing me a great deal of good. facing fears and conquering needless inhibitions. so, i'm going to keep asking awkward questions, continue dwelling on difficult ideas.

suicidal thoughts

spewing.
waiting.

interesting lunch i had...

check out the pics below!

OMG! that roach in my lunch. puke!

a close up

sitting dead on the onion!

life leaves..

a bad taste in my mouth.

life is..

.. one hell of a cluster fuck.

i happen to be a twig

must my desire for independence play second fiddle to my need for support?

i hope not.

like steinbeck says:

I'll have to go into the past to look whatever you are asking for. I dont want to go there. I'll stumble over various things that i dont want to touch.

i'm married to life

my dogtag, a symbol
my compromise, a reality

let's celebrate

the summer solstice!

stagnant water

is slowly dripping from the ceiling of my dark dungeon. the chains that bind me to the wall are chafing on my wrists and legs. the food, if it comes at all, is unspeakably awful.

but i can put up with all this cheerfully. i'm used to it.

what i can't stand is the creaking noise that the door makes when the warder opens it. if only someone would oil that hinge, all would be fine!

or would it?

i have my friends...

and i have my critics!

by and large, these people used to be my friends - until the two of us no longer saw eye-to-eye over significant things.

down the memory lane...

was remembering my high school biology lessons.

all the (grisly) sights that i saw under the microscope. but once i looked away, i realized that these exist in a separate little world of their own.

reminds me

i should keep a sense of proportion to avoid being drawn too deeply into dramas - dramas that seem enormous and overwhelming yet ultimately irrelevant.

was on a conference call from 2am to 4am this morning! went to bed at 6:30am.

wtf?

down in the dumps

what i'd give for a bunch of love right about now :)