foolmaker: October 2005

happy halloween and happy diwali!

heh. i didn't have a costume. ceo specified that we should have costumes on. so at 11am i run to the closest halloween costume store and buy a gothic vampire cape (in black with touches of red) and it matched perfect with my lacy silk top (again in red and black).

one of my team members (who does a lot of stage) did some make up for me! and since i always have fangs (either in my bag or my office), i was all set!

i'm now Count Foolmaker and you will all bow to me!

*evil laugh*

p.s. pics tomorrow.

this is how i feel today. want to hide in my shell.. roll away when someone even comes near.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6739710473912337648&pr=goog-sl

turn the volume up!

this really made my day.. so damned hilarious.

http://timegraphicsfilm.com/pages/trailer.htm

wow.

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

--Tennyson.

is it?

i've spent a lot of my time and energy looking back on things that i wish had happened differently - or people that i miss.

he : I'm a lil teapot short and stout

he : here is my handle, here is my spout

me : you're a lil sexpot with a fuckin' hot pout!

lost
i close the doors lest the darkness robs me off my dreams you know these ceilings.. doors walls and floors have ears they listen and wait and listen and alert me of the night that comes by changes the mood and the look of the sky flattering me with stars and some moonlight romancing me wooing me to see what's forming in my mind a dream a stretch away and the night knows that for it will feed off of my dream and flee and i will be left with nothing but out stretched hands and unshed tears

lost

i close the doors
lest the darkness robs me off my dreams

you know these ceilings.. doors
walls and floors
have ears

they listen and wait
and listen
and alert me
of the night that comes by

changes the mood
and the look of the sky
flattering me with stars
and some moonlight
romancing me
wooing me
to see what's forming in my mind

a dream
a stretch away
and the night knows that
for it will feed off of my dream
and flee

and i will be left with
nothing but
out stretched hands
and unshed tears

Mera geet mere dil ki pukaar hai
Jahan main hoon vahin tera pyaar hai
Mera dil hai teri mehfil
Zara dekh le aakar parwaane
Teri kaunsi hai manzil
Kahin deep jale kahin dil

Na main sapna hoon na koi raaz hoon
Ek dard bhari aawaaz hoon
Piya der na kar aa mil
Zara dekh le aakar parwaane
Teri kaunsi hai manzil
Kahin deep jale kahin dil

Hindi Song Title: Kahin Deep Jale Kahin Dil
Hindi Movie/Album Name: BEES SAAL BAAD
Singer: LATA MANGESHKHAR

that was then, this is now.

i've made that my new motto.

and every time i feel tempted to return to some old (and now redundant) way of being, i repeat it like a mantra.

old macdonald had a farm..

e i e i o

and on that farm he had a cock

e i e i o

with a fuck fuck here
and a fuck fuck there
here a fuck
there a fuck

(ok so last night, jef and i went crazy.

eating lobster and mussles
balancing spoons on our noses
and singing stupid nursery rhymes.)

i am..

going to walk into the lion's cage on the assumption that the lion is probably in a good mood

and hey

it won't want to maul someone as nice as me.

right.

Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me.
And do I take you by the hand
And lead you through the land
And help me understand
The best I can.

--"Echoes" by Pink Floyd (Roger Waters lyricist) from the 1971 album Meddle

thanks to zen meister

me: dinner, drinks and some mind-blowing sex?

he: wow. where did that come from?

me: want or not?

he: ok.

i'm crazy. and i know it and he knows it and everyone knows it.

but do i have the balls to actually do it?

probably not.

and he knows that too.

so we might just stick to dinner and drinks. :)

mcdonald's delivers.

so we, at work, place an order:

sausage egg cheese mcgriddle
sausage mcmuffin with egg
sausage biscuit with hash browns and small oj
hotcakes and hash browns
scrambled eggs and biscuit

yummy
greasy
good food.

haven't had mcdonald's in over a year probably.

and this here's me. hehe

this here's penny.

this is charlie..

he: i'm on a stupid call now :(

me: oh baby.. its ok. i still love you

me: i'll be your savior

me: rescue you with a kiss

he: hahahahaha

he: call done

me: lay you down.. on the straw.. by the warm hearth

me: rip your shirt

me: clean your wound

me: wake you with a start

me: (ok that's cheesier)

he: this from a western?

me: haha. no i just came up with that

will go here one day

life is..

.. one hell of a cluster fuck.

been up all night..

now at work.

4:37am.

life is beautiful.

and i'm alive, aren't i?

he: why don’t you just use your friggin’ imagination?

me: nope.

he: stubborn?

me: poor old imagination.. it deserves better than to be just used! wouldn’t it be nicer to build a relationship of mutual advantage with the creative side of my psyche?

he:huh? i lost you… somewhere close to nicer :-p

me: well.. here’s how it’ll work: i could give it my trust and encouragement and, in turn, it could give me inspiration and vision. and together, i could take a far-fetched but just-about-feasible dream and make it a reality ?

what say honey?

he: you exasperate me.

extremes are attractive.

i'm a creature of passion. i like intense experiences. there's something very dull about commonsense. even when i try to restrain myself, a part of me rebels. the further i err on the side of safety, the more i end up yearning to take a walk on the wild side.

maybe i'm being wiser in deliberately courting adventure. i'm letting steam out of a pressure cooker that might otherwise explode.

hey! anything's better than paying for fuckin' therapy.