Specifications:

• 2002 Ducati Monster 750Sie
  
• 2500 miles
  
• one owner-perfect condition
  
• Strasi Pipe Mod
  
• *FAST & LOUD*
  
• never dropped
  
• costs as much as a nuclear bomb (per sumeet)

i dont have secrets..

my secrets have me.

this will be mine tomorrow (hopefully)

present

i am trapped .........a prisoner of the present triage .........past and future logic; merge .........lost clouds of nebulae thoughts .........of deployed postgres i am trapped .........in the present powdered avalanche .........sadistic queries 100 and 1/16s high impact .........14 degrees farenheit seeps through .........future and past i am trapped .........in this moment .........in my present .........a prisoner

i am glad of the storm that has cast such a daunting shadow over my world.

without storm, there would be no rain.
without rain, there would be no growth.

and without growth, there would be no me.

i dont exist in isolation.

there are times when i feel estranged from the people around me

as if i am imprisoned in some impenetrable emotional fortress.

i definitely am less sensitive than i'd like to be.

but that doesn't mean that i am without compassion or that i lack the ability to help others.

then sometimes, i feel as if i simply dont exist.

i dont exist.

a musty, yet enticing smell..

love it.

a woman's orgasm lasts 13 seconds max..

everything after that is fake.

a rainy and quiet valentine's day.

another old email:

hi shvoolmaker,

welcome back from the windy city.

blah blah blah

oh, the meaning of shvoolmaker... the german word schwul, pronounced "shvool", means gay. so you're the woman who so overwhelms men with her radiance that they can't handle it and therefore become gay..

i think of mw and this is what comes to mind:

a communicator.
an expositor.
an assimilator of known results, rather than a producer of new ones.

he once told me:

being with the wrong person is lonelier than being alone.

i am revisiting some thoughts from years gone by..

----------
as for me being a thoughtful soul.. it doesn't really help.

in this world, where position and power is everything (99% of the time atleast).. a soul like me is completely lost. the soul wanders streets.. in search of something to call its own.. it scrubs sheets thinking they belong together..

ah! but the soul's in for a rude awakening - it truly is alone.

is it not?

----------

this came my way.. one day in 2003.. when i needed it the most:

Strive not to be better than your competition, which limits you, but rather
strive to be better than you are, which holds infinite possibilities.

> g'nite
>
driving back here after the dinner...
i look out into the night and
know... just know
when no one would want me
this night would want
me..

in its cloak of colorless dark, there is a corner for everything....
endless and without edges, travelling or standstill, this night would want
me.

he: >dont mail me or anything.
>
>no no
>
>thats just fine really
>
>sniff.

me: you missed me, eh?

he: nope -- as if i will ever admit to that.

oh fuck!

its valentine's on monday and i haven't even started my shopping.

ugh.

yeh bholaapan tumhara
yeh sharaarat aur yeh shokhi
zaroorat kya tumhe talwaar ki
teeron ki khanjar ki
nazar bhar ke jisse tum dekhlo
woh khud hi mar jaaye
zara nazaron se kehdo ji

its saturday afternoon..

and i have nothing better to do than be at work.

oh well, we're ordering babyback ribs. yummy!

ek palak mein aasman chhupa tha aur doosri mein baadal ka basera tha kabhi..

good riddance to bad rubbish!

yayay

i hate drama

and there was.. wisdom!

me: some things in this world go on forever - like trouble. there will always be trouble. i try to avoid it and i try to resolve it. then there are times when i'm successful. still though, somehow, trouble reproduces itself. reminds me of a single cell amoeba! criticism is another seemingly self-replenishing substance. court it or ignore it. its never absent from my world for long.

he: but there'll always be one thing even more powerful and accessible - wisdom.

jon, you have put me in a very terrible position.

you're still my friend though.

hours of mindless fun..

http://fun.from.hell.pl/2003-11-24/bubblewrap.swf

i am trapped: a prisoner of the present.

there will always be something behind me that i can't quite reach
and
something ahead that is tantalisingly unattainable.

i am trapped.
i am a prisoner of the present.

From a friend stationed in Iraq:

The Preventive Medicine Section comprises of 7 Soldiers. 4 from the NJ Army National Guard, 1 from the Missouri Army National Guard, and 2 from Regular Army. We have all been brought together to and are part of the ARMY of ONE and are on our way to the sandbox, better known to the common public as IRAQ. Though we would love to let you all know out there where we are, we can't at this time as we don't know ourselves where we are going to be at. But once we get our mailing address, we shall gladly post it, in case any of you out there, whether you know us or not, would like to send us Care Packages.

here's the website: Echo Co. 50th MSB

one year anniversary

i've been here for a year now.

ups and downs.
performance reviews and promotions.
drama and desperation and a whole lot of doodie watching.
friends and foes and friends-turned-foes.
tears and tantrums.

and a whole lot of joy!

The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.

i've got a head full of exotic images and a life full of mundane realities.