quote of the day:

my limo be so long it has stretchmarks.

--bklynpunch

run

tunnel vision a life to mould with one breath left no dreams to hold run away and reach nowhere soul tired nothing to spare body limp thoughts amiss no light in sight for me to kiss graveyard shift blood oozing out senses run amuck and i hear a shout pierced hearing head spinning tissue tearing heart sinking walk away and don't turn around he'll steal your soul and leave you spell bound and you'll be lost that he told me i'm already lost as lost as i can be

some people don't like having their problems solved.

they enjoy complaining.

if i try to help them out by giving them good advice about how to fix a particular difficulty, they feel cheated and defeated.

i often dream of being invisible.

what fun it'd be to wander unseen through the world, getting up to mischief without being caught.

all it takes
is a head turn to the left
just one glance

to light up my eyes.

i thought i misplaced it
or maybe lost it
or maybe it wandered of..

and then i opened my closet

to find my smile waiting.

people say there's no rest for the wicked.

could this possibly be why i'm often so short of sleep?

aren't the polar bears celebrating st. patrick's day a bit too early?

no line can ever be completely straight.

draw it long enough, in any direction, and it will eventually be obliged to follow the curvature of the earth.

but that doesn't stop me from having a love affair with squares and oblongs. i love those sharp shapes with their cleanly-defined edges. i base my architecture upon them. sometimes it seems like i base my psychological expectations on their intellectual equivalent.

i realized that i don't really need things to be more clear-cut. maybe i just need to be more relaxed about boundaries.

everything is relative.

i look at things i dislike and feel disheartened. i list flaws and drawbacks. i rip the fabric to shreds. and when i stop and look around - surprise! i see a series of alternatives that appear attractive on first inspection. a closer look shows how deply inferior the alternatives truly are.

maybe i can't improve on what i've got now. but i can improve on the way i tend to look at it.

i have to make the most of every opportunity.

Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.

Ash Wednesday and a trip to Trinity.

its sad that she got thrown off the show. i really did like her but i agree with the judges. she's more a men's mag model.

i am not an island. i don't stand alone. i breathe the same air as you do. i drink water from the same ocean as you do. i live on the same tiny ball of rock that spins relentlessly as it hurtles through space. my deeds affect you and vice versa.. so do my thoughts (in a slightly more subtle way).

sigh.

february 2004 is bissextile

he: so how's your new job?

me: slowly, the light of understanding is beginning to shine through the gloom of confusion.

he: heh. so be it.

me: each day brings an extra piece of news or an additional glimmer of insight. most times i feel like there's not yet enough illumination to navigate properly by.. but i can certainly see the general direction to follow in order to get closer to a very interesting shape.

he: hmm. proceed with caution, but proceed. there'll be more information and more clarity as time goes by.

me: oui, mon ami.

people who feel they have all the answers rarely bother to ask important questions.

the qualities of pride, self-confidence and certainty are attractive and useful up to a point . after that point, they cause us to stiffen up and stop learning what we truly need to know.

i wish my tummy would ask permission before it rumbles.
i wish i'd be presented with a menu of dreams when i go to sleep.

for all my ability to control the environment, i'm obliged to accept and adapt to a variety of powerful, natural processes.

the lunatics are running the asylum!

i live in a crazy world, full of bonkers people, pretending to be perfectly normal. in our world, refuges and hospitals for the psychologically disturbed are populated by folk whose actual sanity is no more questionable than anyone else's but whose ability to hide this behind a discreet, socially acceptable veil has become impaired.

the only reason i say this is because i realize that if i'm seeking a reason, i'm looking on the wrong planet!

14 indians in one car of the path train!

no wonder i don't miss india as much.

three years of blogging..

and i'm still lost and confused.

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

-- Albert Einstein

tourists flock from every land to gaze at the empire state building. but new yorkers pass this landmark every day without barely sparing it a glance. when something's familiar to me, i rarely stop to notice it. i think memories can become "just a part of our landscape". i may often recollect a particular event, yet if i see it from the same bloody angle every time, how will i ever learn anything from it?

what i need is a fascinating new perspective on a few aspects of my personal history.

i now own the ipod

sunnaata - silence

sunnaata a thread of silence grey stretched to 2924.99 miles a quest in the dark with three tools in hand a map a heart and silence 1.83333333333 days i have nothing nothing to lose a bridge a lost soul a broken heart i mended my smile your eyes my heart your hands a walk through reality a game of numbers a play of words a dream of jute a dream of silk all silenced a tunnel i go through not a soul in sight not a speck of light a trickle a barrage a roar of water the sounds miss my world heat nakedness sounds of togetherness vanish and i'm left with silence a numbing silence erases my world for i don't exist

he: valentine's day is around the corner.

me: aah. true love is not always quite as simple and superficial as mills and boon would like us to believe.

he: there are times when i wish that i could understand more about my other half and vice versa.. why do people we love annoy us so much sometimes? why do i offend people?

me: that's love. you can't win in love.

last year, i was in south africa for valentine's. this year, my heart's in south africa.

luck and love do not always have a close relationship.

many seemingly fortunate people have problematic personal lives. many folk with happy hearts know that this, on its own is no guarantee of worldly success.

i wonder if this weekend will bring me good fortune and emotional joy..

Song: I'm With You
Artist: Avril Lavigne

I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

it's friday the 13th

and is it a full moon?

start howling anyways.

today, i wear rose-colored glasses as i peer wistfully through the window of hope on to the street of dreams below.

things cannot stay as they are.

i can't recreate the past.
nor can i persuade the present to stand still forever.

when i look at various intriguing options and possibilities, i know, in my heart, that most of these are parting fancies. there's really only one path to pursue, one destination to reach for, one kind of future to be embraced. and i did figure out that means accepting a change that i feel more inclined to resist.

and then, there was.. wisdom!

me: some things in this world go on forever - like trouble. there will always be trouble. i try to avoid it and i try to resolve it. then there are times when i'm successful. still though, somehow, trouble reproduces itself. reminds me of a single cell amoeba! criticism is another seemingly self-replenishing substance. court it or ignore it. its never absent from my world for long.

he: but there'll always be one thing even more powerful and accessible - wisdom.

so i frowned. and he whispered in my ear :

never frown because you dont know who is falling in love with your smile.

and so i frowned even more.

stare all you like. i have nothing to hide. which is just as well really, because i wouldn't stand much chance of keeping it from you if i did.

if its right, it'll work. if it is not, it won't.

there are certain things i want to experience but i'll probably never find time for.. so, umm i dont understand how come my life is full of so many things i dont even want to have the time for?

either i need to start wanting what i've got.. or getting what i want!

its usually too easy to undervalue whatever happens to be right at my doorstep..

not everything in my world's ideal.. but i'm sure some of it is wonderful!

very disconnected, i feel.

my hand is really tired. may i borrow yours to masturbate?

today..

in history: 1926 - NFL adopted rule that made players ineligible for competition until their college class graduated

in music: 1943 - Frank Sinatra made his debut as vocalist on radio's "Your Hit Parade."

chocolate contains phenylethylamine(PEA), a substance that stimulates the same reaction in the body as falling in love.

>
> > i have yet to learn how to live.
>
> you cant learn to live...

perhaps not.... but i would atleast know that i cannot learn to live... i
havent learned that yet.

its like when one starts building walls brick by brick... eventually you
figure out if you were building the wall to keep everyone out or keep
yourself in...

either way, you gotta learn

Stress - the condition brought about by having to resist the temptation to beat the living daylights out of someone who richly deserves it.

mushkil ashkon ko chupaana lagta hai..

loosely translated - its getting tough to hide the tears..

It is one thing to make a fool of yourself - quite another to let someone else make you look foolish.

compromise has become a dirty word. it has an undesirable reputation. it has also become inextricably associated with sacrifice. i try to put aside my preconceptions and strive to be fair to myself - and to everyone else.

'there's nowt so queer as folk'.

when it comes to other people, i never can tell quite what to expect. more often than not, the surprises that i've come to expect from friends, companions and loved ones, no matter how well i think i know them, are awkward ones. maybe that's why i tend to be a little cagey about relying on anyone. sometimes, though people can be as generous or considerate as at other times, they are just plain daft.

most times though, i find myself being pleasantly surprised. my faith in human nature is on its way to partial restoration.

i remember watching the roundabout at the local park as a kid..

there were times when, though i wanted to join it, it was turning too fast. other times, it was stationary because nobody was playing on it... and then, it seemed rather pointless to climb aboard.

then i realized, life's big opportunities are like playground rides.

read this somewhere:

The soul that can speak with its eyes can also kiss with a gaze..

here's one book i must recommend: The Da Vinci Code.

abcdefghijlkmnopqrstuvwxyz.

just remembering my alphabets..

overheard this older, homeless lady singing:

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down oh no
So don't you bring me down today

people keep silent for many reasons.

some do so because they have nothing much to say. others do so because they know far too much.

when kids get overly hungry, they refuse to eat. because their tummies are putting them in a grouchy mood, they start to feel even worse.

there's a small child in me somewhere..

i remember bits and pieces of a conversation between r and i:

explanations take the magic out of most things. the world of logic is dry and colourless, lacking in mystery and adventure. only the very sensible (and thus the very unimaginative) derive any pleasure from dwelling in such a world.

i've found a cure for my insomnia - a job!

he: she doesn't understand you, so she doesn't know how to love you.

me: and i don't know how to handle that.

i'm excited, enthused and energised. i feel as if i understand something important, that i now grasp something fundamental and that i aspire to something as worthwhile as it is attainable.