i don't think i truly know how lucky i am.. lets see - i am gobsmackingly, mindblowingly, teethskiningly fortunate. i could easily be in a situation far worse than the one i now face. i must understand this and learn to be grateful. the way to better my lot is to stop bemoaning it. life is giving me a chance to create opportunity where none previously existed. its also bringing me the chance to go round in circles achieving nothing and feeling sorry for myself.

what do you think i'm going to do?? :-p