so here i am
interesting isn't it
got any idea about what i need to do next?
hmmm.
i think not

oh well
never mind
maybe something will turn up
er... um... whilst i am waiting
do you mind if I ask you a question?

it's just that, well, you know the situation that i currently find myself in...
...
um, how do i really feel about it?
no, no.
no special reason for asking.
but, er...
it almost looks from here as i am doing one thing and saying another.
i'm sure i'm not though, am i?
silly of me even to suggest it,
isn't it?

to worry because i don't seem to be making progress is understandable.
others can easily sympathise with this.
to worry though, because things are starting to work out well...
seems odd.
i feel edgy when i smell success
because
i suspect that i may be gaining it too easily.
either i am about to encounter a nasty surprise
or
i am about to experience a hollow victory.
problems, in my experience, lead to solutions.
but what do solutions lead to?
how about, "more solutions"?

.t.h.e.. t.r.u.t.h..h.u.r.t.s...

lies and illusions are far more comfortable.
is that why so many people take refuge in them?
and they often seem to do very well from pursuing such a policy of self-deception.
it can take years or even decades before reality catches up with a determined psychological escapologist.
when it does though, it definitely is not a pretty sight!
better a little bearable pain today than a lot of deep regret tomorrow.
and yes, tomorrow DOES come.
or at least, that kind of tomorrow does.
the tomorrow in which you rue
your honesty today is highly unlikely.

it's not as if i'm asking the universe to supply me with a private jet.
nor am i requesting a love story that's worthy of a moviemaker's attention. (wish i had one tho)
i dont even want the ability to leap tall buildings in single bound.
my objective is much more humble
and viable
why then, should it be turned down?
maybe what i need is not yet quite what i think that i want.