men are the biggest losers.

I just realized how 'alone' I am in this world..

I mean..

I lost my dad when I was two.. had 3 uncles who were supposed to be father figures.. but they were such losers..

...

thought I'd get some support.. thought I'd be able to depend on someone.. emotionally depend.. I can take care of a lot of things in my life.. but I'd always yearn for someone strong.. someone ... a person who'd say
"don't worry. I'm here.'

just hearing those words.. or seeing something similar in action would be such a consolation.




not that my ma wasn't there for me.. she's been my guiding star.. (even though sometimes we have our own problems)

I still yearn.

but I guess it's not in my fate.

and I do believe in fate and destiny.

maybe I've done something wrong.. my karma I guess.

well, so be it.

I can't fight life anymore.. and death doesn't accept my invitation.

ha.